Your self-esteem

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Your self-esteem
39
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 12:27pm

What do you do to be sure that you maintain a healthy self-esteem/self-image or whatever you'd like to call it?


I find it difficult to ignore signals that seem to be coming from everywhere, telling us how we don't measure up.

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Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 11:01am

From what I'm reading, it seems like you were one of the lucky ones.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 11:09am

My mom did grow up the same way, which you'd think would teach her that it's not productive, but it's taken awhile for that to hit her.


The book is called When Your Best Isn't Good Enough by Kevin Leman.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 11:13am
That's really why we shouldn't judge people, which sorry to say I have been guilty of that. We never know what kind of pain someone is hiding. People use sex, drugs, alcohol, food, to escape from the emotiuonal hurt. Some of us get physical pain or other symptoms. It all hides the repressed emotions. Shy said something that knd of hit home, she said she a a far of not performing well at her job and maybe in other areas of her life. I believe the criticsm some receive early on creates that fear of failure or doind something wrong. It's like we have to be perfect for fear of being told once again that we can't do something right.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 11:21am
That's awesome you do that for your kids, your a good teacher. When I get the chance I'll have to check out that book. I was a perfectionist is a sense, not tidy or I had to stack things perfect, but I was more my life had to be perfect, get a good job, dress nice, be built well, etc. That's what I would base my worth on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 11:27am
Actually, ayurvedic medicing links problems with the father to right knee pain. I have studied the mind/body connection and feel that there is some validity to it. But I have also seen MRIs of both knees and there is no doubt that one lateral retinaculum is much shorter than the other. And counsling won't help that. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 11:31am
The reason that I can have a relationship with my mother is that she is genuinely interested in who I am now. We both decided to move forward in a new relationship. I have changed a lot throughout my life and my father just has this idea in his head of who I am and it's not very representative of who I am now. He is stubborn and really seems to not be interested in getting to know who I am. He is also one of the most selfish people I have ever met in my entire life. My sister and I talk about it a lot. We have both had problems with both parents. My mother, like us, has grown and changed and really shown that she wants to be close to us and part of our lives. My father, on the other hand, is rigid and unbending and really not interested in growing and changing with us. It's insulting.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 11:36am

I don't agree that we shouldn't judge people - at least I don't agree with that blanket statement. Our society sets up rules of what kind of behaviour is acceptable and what isn't. We would be a lawless land without judgment. And, as Shy said, many people have trouble childhoods and some are able to move forward in a healthy way. Others may not be, but that does not excuse them behaving in a way that could endanger other people. Sometimes judgment is necessary.

My mother and all of her sisters were abused by their father. One turned out to be a drunk and a drug addict and, as I mentioned in the other thread, numerous people bent over backwards to give her help and opportunities to help herself. She didn't take advantage of them and ended up killing a woman. None of her sisters did anything like that. I judge her harshly for her behaviour.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 3:04pm
I think that I"m a gentle/caring type with a huge heart but I've perservered through some really rough spots, maybe it comes from inner strength and survival skills. I used a lot of protective mechanisms and skills for survival when I was hitting the really rough patches. I think the older I get the stronger and more confident I become. I really do believe it's possible to perservere if you put your heart and mind to it and never let the world bring you down even if you are one of the gentle/sensitive types. If you get kicked down then get right back up on that horse is my motto. I've never been down for too long, sometimes when I get kicked down I go through a short depression but then I talk myself into fighting and standing up for myself and trying to move forward in life.
Avatar for filiasan
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-29-2004
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 7:11pm
My main problem is that I really don't know what I want. Other than friends and a life. I don't know what I'm good at. Basically, I'm clueless. That's why I don't have "the attitude". Also I have too much fear when it comes to doing what people seem to be able to do on their own. I guess I'm a timid type. But I see the world mostly as a great big thing that can crush me if I make a mistake. I'm also pretty sure that some people have stronger wills than others. I don't know what that comes from. It really isn't personality, is it? I think that's something one is born with.

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