Your value as a single person
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Your value as a single person
| Sun, 11-12-2006 - 10:15am |
This stems from the recent post about friends, and also from a post on another board.
Do you feel like the world values those who are married more than those who are single?

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I know that married people are valued more than single people. This society is parenting-centric. Of course, it's different in different places. Depends on where you are, really. Around here, married parents are obviously more "important" than us singles. But I live on the eastern tip of the Bible Belt. It sucks. But, I try not to let it bother me, by thinking it's just a trap. Society wants you to fall into its traps. It just doesn't like that you want to do some things differently. Okay, that's a weird assumption...but, whatever works. You know? I think that parents have it worse than we do, because they have another life/lives to care for that cost them a lot of patience and money. It's hard. You don't need to be a parent to know that! Of course there are all those things that make parenthood so WONDERFUL, right? To each his/her own. I don't think the benefits of motherhood would be all that beneficial to me.
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And btw (this is seriously OT) hello shywon ^_^ How are you lately? I haven't seen you in a while, have I? I've been doing something I call positivity training, and it's working. Despite growing through adversity, I still grow. Knowing that gives me a bit of hope.
I'm doing okay, thanks for asking.
Hi!! Shy
I have never felt that people have valued me based on my relationships. People have valued me for what I am .Infact, my married friends thank me for bringing sanity back in their lifes since at times they just need to unwind and be themselves not somebody's mom or wife.
I do know that married people with kids have a lot of anecdotes to share with others.I guess that happens between single people also. Some of my girlfriends in new relationships will keep on raving about there boyfriends.
Thanks
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No, I don't think single people without kids are valued by society as much as the married folks with kiddos. I hate it, but I honestly think it's true.
Over the past few years, I have even noticed my value as a friend has gone down to those friends who have moved on to the married-with-children status. I'm not even worth a lunch or coffee date to one friend because I can't chat about diapers and first words. (Not true for all my friends, but it has happened with a few).
At work, people with children are cut slack because "he has to go home to his family" or "she's got a sick kid."
In my mind, my life has just as much value as anyone else's - but there is an unspoken reverence and respect for those with families over singles, IMHO.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
Totally.
OK, I know I'm always recommending books, but I just TODAY received a book that is just out called "Singled Out," and it's all about this very topic.
I definietly think our society values couples more than singles. Especially if you've never been married (I was, so it's not "so bad" for me). And our society values mothers more than childless women, whether they're married or single.
I think most people assume that if you're single, you're miserable and all you want is to get married. I think it's especially hard for women who really do prefer to remain single...I think society just doesn't know what to make of them.
I think you have a good point.
I also believe this is why there were so many divorces with the baby boom generation and dysfunctional families because it was more common to just get married because of financial reasons, men going to work/women staying at home, women making babies not because of common interests, good emotional connection and friendship connection like it is now. I think us generations xers are the product of our parents dysfunctionality in getting married too young and to the wrong person. I know my parents messed up royally and me and my sister had to pay for it. I vow not to make the same mistake. I'm not saying that all gen xers had dysfunctional parents but a lot of us have.
I know I've put a ton of pressure on myself internally to get married just because of my biological clock but if I didn't have one of those and if my body wasn't getting older physically I wouldn't have put so much pressure on myself. But even through this pressure, I still haven't settled and I still am sticking to my guns that I'll never have children with the wrong man and if it means never having children period then so be it because I never want to put my kids through what I had to go through.
I've been a lurker here for a while, but I'm ready to come out of my shell and post. I agree with everyone who says that there is pressure in our society to get married and have children which makes it very hard to be happily single. In my personal life it's something I've been struggling with for a couple years. When I graduated from college a little over a year ago I got a job and an apartment and was happy to be independent, but at the same time I was constantly reminded that the path I had thought I would take (college, meet someone there, graduate, job, marriage, house, kids) wasn't going to happen. Somehow I had forgotten to meet someone in college (I did have some relationships, but I mostly used the time to learn to love myself) and I was afraid that I would waste years waiting/looking for the right person and never find them.
I came to the conclusion that I'm not willing to sacrifice my dreams in life just because I may never find Mr. Right. My biological clock has been ticking since I was very young. I KNOW I was meant to be a mother and not having that in life would be worse than never meeting Mr. Right. So I made a pact with myself... If I got to 30 and hadn't met Mr. Right than I was going to start my family without him. I'd be happy to add him later but I don't want to get to 40, find him and have spent my youngest years without kids and him. Now I'm only 23 so I have 7 years to find him and I'm not just sitting back waiting for him to find me. But I also am not putting off what I want from life just because I haven't found him yet. And I think I will feel less pressure to marry someone who isn't the right one for me cause I know I have all the time in the world to find the one who is right. As for dealing with other people and being single when all my female friends are married or engaged... well I know that I'm a strong person and this is the best choice FOR ME right now.
-Alison
Thanks for coming out of lurkdom, Alison!
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