Zero attachment, zero anxiety

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Registered: 10-16-2006
Zero attachment, zero anxiety
24
Wed, 11-23-2011 - 8:23am

Saw this wonderful piece from Martha Beck:

http://marthabeck.com/2011/08/zero-attachment-zero-anxiety-insight-from-martha/

Excerpt:

When the temperature of a day reaches the dew point, the moisture in the air, which is invisible to the eye, suddenly appears everywhere. It was always there; it just needed a certain temperature to become visible. Similarly, everything we need to make us happy is waiting for the “temperature” of our inner life to create the dew point where it can become material form. The dew point temperature of all your desires is a feeling of normalcy. It is not high excitement, nor grasping, nor yearning. All of those emotions contain anxiety and attachment — try them right now, you’ll see.


To give you an example of what this feels like, think about the feeling you have watching a beautiful sunrise. You may experience awe and intense gratitude, but you will not be thunderstruck, amazed or hysterical. A sunrise is glorious, but it is normal. We aren’t attached to the sun continuing to shine because we are sure it will.

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Registered: 10-16-2006
Wed, 11-23-2011 - 11:56am

In regards to my work: I was laid off in 2003. Of course I was freaked out, but even then I knew that people would help me. And it's not even like I'm this super-connected person--but I got a lot of help in unexpected ways. And I'm not the woo-woo type, either. I've often thought of this and why it doesn't translate to my lack of success with men, but I think it warrants exploration.

You sound like you have your head screwed on pretty straight when it comes to dating. Keep up the good work.

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Registered: 09-25-2010
Wed, 11-23-2011 - 11:59am
I wanted to add that this line of thinking has always been my main "inner" mantra. I've faced adversity at different times in my adult life, but I always knew that "everything" was going to be okay - that I would make it through and end up where I wanted to be or was destined to be. I even thought that way as a kid! I just always knew that everything was goin to work out the way it was meant to be. It's been my inner drive right from the start.

I can say that I've successfully made the transition to detachment. I'm not quite sure how to describe it in words just yet, but will post once I do!

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving everyone!
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Registered: 10-16-2006
Wed, 11-23-2011 - 12:04pm

When it comes to self-improvement/pop psych/relationship adivice books, I think you have to really separate the wheat from the chaff. I agree: it seems so many people try something to meet a man, it happens to work for them, so they write a book thinking everyone could do it the same way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 11-23-2011 - 12:07pm

I actually kind of got the power of now when I read it ten times.. and I try so hard to practice that theory everyday of my life. Of course I fall short but then when my friends are like rats in a maze and worrying about everything I try and tell them let things go because you cant control everything.

I will be write back to post more .. Have a p h one call

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 11-23-2011 - 1:24pm

I guess its pretty common sense stuff when you really look at it.. We have actually talked about this stuff here alot on the boards.

We always say just live your life no matter if you meet a man or find a job or whatever and cant look at the outcome of it.

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Registered: 07-16-2001
Wed, 11-23-2011 - 2:27pm

I'm not saying it NEVER is.

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Registered: 09-25-2010
Wed, 11-23-2011 - 2:43pm
That's the key right? Live your life, enjoy it and be happy with who you are as a person. I have found that is very simple - we just have to clear away the "inner" debris that blocks us from seeing it. We all have layers built up due to hurtful experiences that need to be peeled away. That is in and of itself a process of detaching and letting go. Each layer that we peel away, heal and release, makes us feel lighter. The process is like practice, so by the time we reach the core, we are doing it automatically. That is how it has been for me anyway. I had to peel a lot of layers though, but now I see why living in the now with a compass focused on the future is so important. Does that make sense?
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Registered: 10-16-2006
Wed, 11-23-2011 - 2:49pm

What I mean by that is I want to find meaning in my life that's not so tied up with having a partner. I want to look at the bigger picture. And of course I still want a man in my life, and he would be part of this bigger picture. But I want to have meaning and connection my life whether there's a man in it or not. I feel like I've been trying to do this anyway, but I feel like right now I want to dig deeper into how to really accomplish this.

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Registered: 10-16-2006
Wed, 11-23-2011 - 2:52pm

It makes sense, however, if you are living in the now, would you have a compass focused on the future?

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Registered: 09-25-2010
Wed, 11-23-2011 - 3:25pm
What I mean by compass is that you picture yourself living a whole and happy life. For instance, picture yourself living an abundant life that is fulfilling to you. That picture can include a partner - they just don't have a face yet. :) so by picturing yourself living a life where you are feeling happy, you will naturally navigate yourself in that direction. Just don't attach details, feel it instead. I guess that is what I am trying to say, it's a feeling. I'm probably not explaining it properly so I apologize if my post is hard to understand. I will try to come up with a better explanation.

You are definitely heading in the right direction by doing the "inner" digging. That's the peeling process I was referring to. It may be a little fuzzy now, but it will get clearer and clearer as you dispose of the layers. Each one represents something within you - that is blocking you from living in the now in your personal life - that needs to be healed. Figuring out what those blocks are and truly seeing them, enabes you to release them.