10 Things to Know Before You Remarry

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
10 Things to Know Before You Remarry
11
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 1:14pm

Since there seems to be alot of discussion about remarrying and some of our members are headed in that direction, I wanted to share this article. It is written by a Christian author, but I feel like it is applicable to anybody. (I was a step-kid and can relate to alot of what he says)

Stephanie

http://www.marriagemissions.com/married_again/ten_things.php

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 2:26pm

Stephanie,

THIS IS A GREAT article - it really hits home for me because my DS is struggling with his dad and his dad's new SO - and it will help me should I find a special partner for me.

It is even better that you approve as a step-child - that helps us a lot to know that.

Thanks so much for taking the time to find and post this for us.

signature
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 2:47pm

Wow - am going through that site and came across these questions:

http://www.marriagemissions.com/premarriage/premarriage_questions.php

These are questions you should find out about a person before you marry!!!!!!!

signature
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 2:53pm

I am checking this site out too. WOW! Here is another article worth reading even though it is long!

http://www.marriagemissions.com/married_again/dont_even_think.php

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 2:58pm

This was a great article, thanks!

As my parents are still married to each other, and I haven't (obviously) remarried, I don't have any experience with this.

I was thinking about this today, when I was seriously contemplating making a spreadsheet to keep track of all of the men in my life right now (no, seriously)- I've never dated a man with children before. I think there are pluses and minuses, but one of the factors (besides the fact that I haven't met anyone), for me, has always been my concern regarding the fact that I KNOW I wouldn't have been able to love someone's child like my own.

Hopefully, now that I'm older, and now that there are more resources available, I am mature enough to see that I don't necessarily need to. I still haven't technically dated anyone with children yet, but I'm not as closed to the possibility anymore, and I am meeting people who have children.

Again, great article, thanks for posting it!


Powered by CGISpy.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 9:29pm

I posted this on the stepmothers board, but I'll repost it here.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 10:04pm

I read all three links, I'm sure there is more great information on this site that I haven't gotten to yet, but I had a couple comments:


Ten Things to Know Before You Remarry http://www.marriagemissions.com/married_again/ten_things.php

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 04-26-2006 - 7:55am

Jennie, it sounds like you have a GREAT therapist!! I love the approach you both are taking with all of this and believe me, after all the mistakes my exh has put my DS through I really appreciate it now.

This is extremely insightful for all of us. I know that a lot of success from a relationship depends on your expectations and this really spells out what both people are going through. The cable and the hair attachments are an excellent visual.

You have taught us a lot!!

signature
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 04-26-2006 - 8:47am

I think we are both in the same boat - my parents are still happily married so I don't have the experience of step-parenting either.

I know that I would be open to a man with children. But not with problem children. I just can't get past that since I have an only child and he is thriving and is a first honors student. I cherish my time with him and would not be able to be in a relationship where he does not benefit.

I have dated 2 men with grown children and I really enjoyed that - I loved their maturity as fathers and being able to ask them for advice. They really enjoyed my son because one had had girls and always wanted a son and the other had 2 sons so he could relate. We didn't make it because both went back to their ex's (exw and exgf) - but it was certaily worth the experience.

I think you have to realize your expectations and limitations and pick what is right for you.

signature
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 04-26-2006 - 12:41pm

We only have three visits with this therapist for the pre-marital stuff - but he is excellent and he may be a helpful resource down the road if we run into problems we can't figure out on our own (very likely with four children from two previous marriages).

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 04-29-2006 - 6:55am

Keep us posted on your therapy visits and your progress. This is something good for all of us to think about because we can be in this situation from all sides. My exh has been receptive to some of the tips I have given him and his gf - to let my DS go at his pace. And I know I might have this if I date a man with children. I also think we have to evaluate a dating situation and what is in it for our kids.

You gave us some good links and I am checking them out.

I think it is great that your church offers counseling on this topic. What a nice thing for the children!!

signature

Pages