38 but I feel 15

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
38 but I feel 15
6
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 12:35am

my questions -

How do you talk to kids about dating again? RL friends say don't tell, just tell them you are going out with friend - even lie and use one of them as excuse. That doesn't seem fair to me, I don't want them to lie to me, why would it be ok to lie to them?

Now on my first real date, do we hold hands? kiss? I know this might sound silly but I haven't dated in 20 years!!! Not sure what to expect.

Do I let him pick me up? Meet him at restaurant? Pay? both lunch meets have been dutch treat.

Appreciate any help here.

Faith




Edited 4/14/2007 12:51 pm ET by losingfaith
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 8:16am

Good morning and welcome!

Don't lie to your children- you ARE meeting a friend for dinner, and right now that's all they need to know. If it becomes apparent that this is going to be an exclusive, regular thing, you can slowly start them getting used to the idea. Some of us here have had completely and totally different experiences with that, but you'll know how to mak it work for your family.

As for the actual date... if he offers to pay, let him, but be prepared to pay your way. He shouldn't pick you up yet, since you don't really know him, and it's always better to be safe than sorry. As for holding hands, that's usually (for me, anyhow) something more intimate than a third meeting calls for. However, if he reaches for your hand and you WANT to hold his, by all means. I think the trick is to let him initiate any type of physical contact, guage your reaction to it, and then you'll know if you are ready for/want that to happen.

Don't allow him to pressure you into something, but his response and the way he initiates things will tell you a lot about how into you he is, and how willing to make you comfortable he is. Really, this is all about you, so have FUN!!

And come back and keep us posted!

Moody, having fun


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2006
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 9:00am

I agree with everything Moody said :)

Every child is different, and you know them best. I agree that for now it is telling the truth that you are going out with a friend, and if things progress then you can gradually introduce the idea to your kids. I thought my 10 year old daughter would freak out when I told her, but she thought it was "cool".

I know what you mean about feeling 15 again. Just try to go with the flow, and do what feels right to you. And have fun!

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/219b09

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 12:08am

I appreciate your replies, I hope kids will cope ok - I have never had a man friend to go to dinner with before, so they might have a hard time of it.The bad part of being a single mom, we bear the brunt of all the emotions, thankfully we get the good ones too.

I am still so excited to go out, think it is very positive step for me. I will just go with the flow and see where it leads, think I would be ok with hand holding or even a hug, not sure about kissing though, too early I think. He has respected all my boundries so far, so I expect it will continue, and if not, maybe its just not meant to be...

Faith




Edited 4/14/2007 12:52 pm ET by losingfaith
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 9:29am

Hi

It is very exciting and scary at the same time to start dating again! I would suggest you don't really set a frame time in your head about when it would be ok to hold hands, kiss etc. The head is one thing and the heart is totally another one. You may feel like holding out for the first kiss for a few months, or you may want to rip his clothes off on the first date!!! You will only know what feels natural when you actually experience it.

I think children often surprise us with how well they react to things. I have no experience, though, with teens and pre-teens so it may well be different. As their mom, you are in the best position to gauge what their reaction may be, and I agree with the other posters that you could tell the truth, i.e. you are going out for dinner with a friend.

I hope you have a great time. This is a great new chapter opening up to you.

Clem xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Sat, 03-24-2007 - 1:19am

Thanks Clem!

We really have alot in common and felt a strong connection to him from email, when I met him he was just what I expected, so nice and well mannered and has great blue eyes. At 2nd lunch I was tempted to hug him when we parted but was in very public place and seemed kind of awkward there so didn't. He is already a good friend in a short amount of time I am eager to see if it will be more. Date is scheduled for next Sat. He has emailed me saying he is very excited about it too ( he actually said it first).

Wish me luck!

Faith (again!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 4:26am

Cant WAIT to hear how it goes!!!!!

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