The 3rd Wheel?

Avatar for mandymi
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
The 3rd Wheel?
6
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 11:29am




http://somedaysijustworkhere.blogspot.com/">

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
In reply to: mandymi
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 11:15pm

I think you should ask him, "honey, you know the other day when you said (insert comment about ex wife and yourself), I was wondering why you said that?"

Instead of attacking him for the comparison, ask him why he does the comparison? He may not even really be aware of it, or he may just be so happy to point out how UNLIKE his ex wife you ARE, that he brings it up.

You can get into how that makes you feel once you have an idea why he does it.

Hope that helps?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
In reply to: mandymi
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 12:22pm
I would tell him that you feel uncomfortable when he talks about her unecessarily. He'll stop doing that soon enough.
Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: mandymi
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 2:41pm

Hmmm...I don't think I have a lot of advice for you Mandi. I would be annoyed too, but I've never encountered that.


I think if it were me, and I were in your shoes, I'd for sure when he answered a question of mine with an opinion of her's, say "Ok, that's great. Now what about YOU? What do you like/need/want/feel about such and such?"

Becky

Becky

 

 

Avatar for tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
In reply to: mandymi
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 7:29pm

Hey there
I haven't seen you around here much lately woman! I had posted an APB out on you a while ago, glad to see you've resurfaced!

I haven't ever had to deal with someone who compared me to an ex except maybe er um, sexually. and yeah, they mean it as a compliment, but yeah, you're right you don't want to hear what their ex thinks or wants and I certainly didn't want to hear how his ex was in the boudoir. ;) But I think you've gotten good advice from everyone. Ask him why he says that like Alison suggested and then let him know in a very simple way how it makes you feel. I'm sure once he knows, he'll try to stop the comparisons!

Congrats on meeting a new guy! Look forward to hearing more about this relationship!

Hugs
Tara

 

Avatar for mandymi
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
In reply to: mandymi
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 2:27am

Thanks gals.




http://somedaysijustworkhere.blogspot.com/">

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
In reply to: mandymi
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 6:27pm

Hi Mandy,

On one hand, although I know it is annoying, I think it is natural for him to compare you since his ex was such an influence in his life. I know whenever I started a new job (in my former corporate life) I would compare it to the last job for a while. Then the new job would be THE JOB and I would not remember the one before it so much.

I think you should try to just change the subject - or redirect when he does this - don't make a big deal for now - try to see the bright side that a woman would mean so much to him.

On the other hand, if it becomes obsessive or really gets on your nerves then you have to tell him in a nice way how that makes you feel.

I hope this helps!!