5 month mark update ....
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5 month mark update ....
| Thu, 01-11-2007 - 9:47am |
For those who are new, I SORT OF met this guy on line.
| Thu, 01-11-2007 - 9:47am |
For those who are new, I SORT OF met this guy on line.
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Rebecca,
It seems to me that you're really hoping for an exclusive things with Carlos.
Hmmmm. I dont think I agree. Here's why - its most certainly not nealy "all about sex".
I totally understand where you're at, R... and I think you're doing great for what you have in front of you. You know you can't push him, and you know you don't WANT to push him (because you're not in a hurry) but yet you also know that "I'd like to have another baby" factor IS there. Not RIGHT THERE, but it is at least "out there" for the future.
I think it IS okay (and normal) to find yourself in a relationship where you're content with thing being just as they are. I'm in that spot with Hiker right now, and we've been there for months now. We're definitely exclusively dating, but we're not talking marriage. We're just happy at our level of commitment that we have, and it's just not some imperative drive to go for more than that. Maybe one day (we know we're willing and able) but for now, it's just not what we're after.
I find myself questioning it too, though. I think we've been so conditioned through our lives that all relationship have to keep moving and have to keep heading in this certain direction. With people always asking those questions "when are you getting married?" once you've dated awhile. And then once you're married, people start asking "so when will you have a baby?" and then once you have one, they ask "so when will you have #2?"... etc- like it's some sort of Grand Plan that everyone is just SUPPOSED to follow, otherwise you're 'not normal' or something is wrong. I know I got dragged up into that when I was married... and I won't do that again. This time, next time, every time... from now on I will just do what I feel is right and at the right time. And I will do it ONLY when my partner and I want and agree on it, not just because "it's time" according to the rest of the planet.
Just keep doing what is right for you and Carlos, R... you guys are doing okay. It's only been 5 months! It really hasn't been all that long! People are pregnant longer than you've been dating! ;-) I think you guys are doing okay- and just keep taking it week by week, and keep on being open and honest with each other as things evolve (or not). And I don't get the idea that you're stagnating just because you're not constantly moving. I think you both simply enjoy each other, and that is something GREAT!
~shrimpy, always loving the you-and-Carlos stories
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
Your post reminds me of my sisters situation. She has been "together" with this guy for over 3 years now, and they just had a baby together (my nephew, who's still in the hospital,BTW). Her man sounds similar to Carlos. The whole time they have been dating, he has never called her his girlfriend, they had separate apartments until after the baby was born 6 weeks ago, but he doesn't want to be with any other woman, stuff like that. When I ask her about it, because it seems to me maybe he isn't as serious about her as she is about him, she says that is not the case. She says he has the idea that if they get married life as he knows it will end, and that everything will have to change, that's what freaks him out. She tells him that she doesn't want anything to change, he can still hang out with his friends, go watch boxing matchs at a buddy's house, etc. But for whatever reason in his head, it can't stay that way when they get married. I just met his family over Christmas, parents still married. In fact, when he and his brother were both out of the house his mother said "I'm moving to Florida". They grew up in Harlem, and she was tired of living there, had family in Florida, etc. Her husband said "Ok, whatever, move to Florida". She did! He stayed in New York a while longer, then said "I guess she's not coming back. I need to move to Florida". They swear it wasn't that they broke up or separated, they wanted to be together, she just hated living in New York and he didn't believe her. What I'm getting at is that would seem to be an example to my sisters man that you don't have to just give up and give in to be married.
I'm rambling, but my opinion is maybe there isn't anything "wrong" with him, but he has a mental hurdle. My sister has decided it's OK for her to live with him, move foward with him w/o being married. She doesn't push the marriage issue b/c if he'll come around it'll be on his time, not hers. Would you be willing to maybe progress with him, but leave the "marriage" part out of the equation?
Now that I type that, I know I wouldn't be OK with it, but everyone is different, right? Hope I have helped in some way...
-Sheesh-
I had to LOL at that couple when she moved he stayed behind & then decided to follow her! Too cute!
Yes, I completley see some similarities with Carlos & your sisters BF. Many of
Ok, first off;
You said he's meeting your emotional needs. He's allowed to date other women, but you don't think he is. I think it would bother you if he was dating others and it would bother you even more if he was sleeping with other women. Yet, he's got you in this situation where it's not your place to expect a committed relationship and certainly you have no right to expect monogamy from him.
If your relationship is so open, I would be out dating other men and I'd sleep with another one if I felt like it. I mean, I would not tie myself down in any way to man who wanted such a loose connection to me.
I'm hoping something better comes along for you. Carlos might be tons of fun, but it ends there.
Thanks so much for the nice compliments. Yes, they are done by a professional. I love having them done wiht her - you should do it, b/c as you know, they grow up TOO fast!
lol about his waiting for the alien to come out. As Shrimpy points out, it hasnt really been all that long - plus with our distance, we only see eachother one time a week, or sometimes, even every other ... so its NOT like we are this everyday couple.
But yes, I am having fun, & thats what counts. Its open & honest & we are both happy with where we are at this point ... & when one of us wants more or less, & if the other cant handle it, well then, we move on i suppose. Thanks!
Hey Honey (its always so weird to see you here ... lol ... after all these years!)
Anyway - thanks. You knowing me like you do, as much as I appreciate everyones input, yours really REALLY counts.
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