5 month mark update ....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
5 month mark update ....
32
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 9:47am

For those who are new, I SORT OF met this guy on line.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 2:41pm

Yeah, I have seen that happen. My uncle never married. He just turned 50. GREAT guy, handsome, incredible job, outgoing,e tc etc ... he had

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 2:54pm

Yes, for right NOW, he is meeting my emotional needs. I am very comfrotable with him, we are very intimate (meaning non-sexually ... for instance, the 3rd yr anniversary of my moms death was last week & he did everything & anything he could to support me leading up to it, called me often to check on me, & hugged me while I sobbed, & listened to me as much as I needed, for someone to listen).


"He's 'allowed' to date other women". Well, i dont really liek the word "allowed", it sounds odd to me - but yes, we are both open if we want to do that. However, he has insinuated that he doesnt. & I trust in that. But on the other hand, I dont "count" on it, b/c as I said, I am dating others if they come along.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 4:15pm

I'm sorry if I offended you because I really do enjoy your posts. Your relationship reminds me so much of the eternal bachelor I dated. At the 5-month mark, I was happy too. He never called me his girlfriend. We had fun. I saw him whenever. We were sexually monogamous and it went further because he did not date anyone else and neither one of us was looking.

The relationship just fizzled at 7 months. No drama. He made dates less and less frequently. Stopped calling as much. He was looking for perfection. He tried to be the good boyfriend and was very concerned that I viewed him as a good person. He was not abusive or negative in anyway. But, he could not commit or love me. It was a fluffy relationship that went no where.

I deeply love my current SO and he offered me exclusivity very early on. He loved me without fear and I fell in love with him too in a way that I didn't think would be possible after my circus of a divorce.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 4:19pm

This is such a hard one to call. Not that I have a glass ball!! LOL!!

I don't see this the same as Shrimps situation at all - because 1) they are exclusive and 2) neither one of them wants more kids and 3) they are BOTH enjoying what they have and 4) they are progressing in a way

I have watched a lot of relationships come and go - with myself, my friends and this board and others. The ones that really take off usually start slow. The guy is into the girl and wants to please her romantically and is really concerned about her. Then they go exclusive pretty quickly. Then they figure out they are just right for each other. And usually they end up getting married, especially if they are younger and want kids.

It has always bothered me that he won't go exclusive and make you a gf. It bothers me that he has never been married. Sure you have fun together but you do have your life and your own dreams.

I really think you have to make a better effort to slim down the time you spend with him. Find more dates or outings with friends and give it space - hopefully he will miss you and pony up the exclusivity. I think he needs the space to miss you and figure things out.

He has a lot of things right about him. But you do have to think of you.

Good luck with whatever you decide. I know you like him and have fun with him. Just make sure you think of you, okay?

Hopefully things will settle down with your exh, too, and that will help this situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 10:45pm

No, dont apologize. You gave your opinion, & i asked. I just dont like when people TELL me what i am thinking, etc ... just a "maybe ..." b4 you said something woudl have made it seem less "bossy". lol

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 10:46pm
Ill be back to reply, gotta go deliver a baby! lol
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 11:06pm
Why does it bothers you that he's never been married?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 11:38pm
Hi...I think I may have responded to a post of yours before but just in case, I am a single mom also with a son who is eight. I have been dating a wonderful guy for several months now and although he met my son a few months ago, we have just recently decided to start all spending time together and have him spend the night in the house with us. Your post made me think. How did you feel about introducing him to Avery? I think I remember a post saying he was described as a friend but that she saw you sneak a kiss. Kids are all so super smart, you have to assume she sees the writing on the wall kind of. Mine is always surprising me. Even the other day before the bf stayed over the first time I asked my son if he understood about privacy when someone was spending the night and he said "oh I know, I need to knock. I know how it works - you could be kissing and then everyone gets embarrassed" I guess he learned that through his Dad who is remarried now. Funny though. They just absorb info through behavior they see.
I introduced my son to my bf because it was time for him to see what the other side of my life was like so we went out for an evening all of us together. Was this what you were doing when carlos and the family met with you and Avery? Then, after we progressed further in the relationship, we decided to start the process of him staying the night on occasion during the week so that we might acclimate him to the fact that we are truly together and might live together at some point. I have never had my son even meet anyone until this guy and I have been divorced for 6 years now so this was a huge step for me but I admit, I am very happily in love:) I never introduced him to anyone I dated before even after ltos of time in dating because I just didnt have any faith that things were headed in a solid direction so I didnt see the point.
I guess my thoughts for you would be for you to just make sure that you are not doing everything a gf would without knowing for certain that you are one. But thats just me. I mean if you are meeting family, seeing him every week and hanging at the house when he isnt there, going to get togethers with friends, and introducing kids - shouldnt you be sure of your role in his life? If you arent for some reason ( fear, hesitation, you name it) you are only setting up for more disappointment IMO if things dont work out. And I agree with your other post about you asking what he refers to you as to his friends. It would certainly clue you in. But hasnt he wondered the same about you? My bf was the one to declare exclusivity and what we were to one another. Sure I made the decision with him but he was the one to bring it up and it showed me that we were on the same page ( which was a page of wondering at that point). I think Carlos should be wondering what the status for you two is as well right now. I think 5 months is enough time for him to attach to you to the point where you pursuing other options should press buttons of some sort... I wouldnt be worried that he is with other women from what you write ( even though he could as you say) but I would just worry he isnt easily in a commitment for some reason. That doesnt mean he isnt a great guy obviously. I will stop my rambling now but before I do I want to wish you the best of luck in this. You seem like a wonderful mother and woman from your posts -
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 2:06am

Wouldnt a crystal ball be great to have in lots of situations? lol

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 2:09am

Hi- Until she sees this, i think i can tell you that she has worried from the beginning that b/c he is 45 & never has been married, that he wont ever fully commit to me.


Sometimes I think do that may be the case ... I mean, not MANY people get to that point in life w/o marriage. He has had longish term relationships, but said he just never "found the one, & built up his business, travelled, lived in Europe" & then he told me "& then I turned around at age 40 & panicked b/c I thought I had missed having a family".

Photobucket