Aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhh!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhh!
9
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 7:48pm

WHEN will it STOP????????


He was already orders on the LAST comtempt charges, to pay $750 of my atty fees.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 8:47pm

Oh my dear rlch. You so deserve to rant as loud and long as you want over this one. I think your exh is going to get the "most ridiculous jerk of an exh of the year" award.

I was wondering one thing - can you take out another insurance policy for just yourself and then cancel the joint one? There has to be a way around that.

The court system is really crazy since so much of this seems so cut and dry - go to counseling, pay what you owe. I don't understand how they keep letting him off the hook.

I hope you have fun on your date - is this someone we know? Come back and report, okay?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 9:55pm

UGH!!!!


What a jerk- so WHAT if you said you dropped Averey at dance but instead dropped her off to GET to dance?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 11:08pm
I hate to be negative but you have to accept that crazy boy will NEVER follow through on ANYTHING. Let the insurance lapse. I did, and then a week later got my own separate policy. No difference in my rate because it was lapsed less than a month and I explained that my X had the policy and let it lapse. I think West's idea should work, get your new policy then let the other one lapse.
There comes a time when you have to realize the legal expenses to get the court to order what is fair are just not worth it, for there is no way your X will follow what he has been ordered to do anyway. Getting these costs taken out of the money you owe him is your only real recourse.
(hugs) I know how frustrating it is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 11:56am

I have to agree with QB. He will never follow through with anything. Talk to your attorney about taking the money he owes you out of your payments to him. I wouldn't waste my time with the courts and the frustrations. I have a legal background and know that at some point it is just pointless. My stbx isn't doing what he is supposed to either, didn't when we were M so I don't know why I expected that would change. I have decided that I will have to do it all myself or it just won't happen. I have not asked for child support because I know he wouldn't pay it, he isn't covering his share of joint debt that he is supposed to be (I will just have to do it myself). He could care less if the kids have anything they need and I am just doing the best I can. If you had to get a D because of all his craziness, you can't expect that to ever change. Do your best to not let it affect you. Do your best to get your money without incurring any legal fees and just move on.

I know you will always have to deal with him on some level because of Avery, but try not to make it any more than you have to.

Priscilla

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 12:06pm

"There comes a time when you have to realize the legal expenses to get the court to order what is fair are just not worth it, for there is no way your X will follow what he has been ordered to do anyway. Getting these costs taken out of the money you owe him is your only real recourse."

BRAVO, QB. I agree with this advice - or at least that is what I would do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 1:05pm
I finally just accepted that to get this legal stuff over with and allow myself to finally move on in life I just have to pay all these last fees, even though he was ordered to pay half. I'll never get the QDRO's finished if I wait for him to pony up his measly $500 ( a lot to me, nothing to a guy with his income). Looking at the big picture the court can't make him do anything, it just costs me thousands in legal fees to have them say, yes, you are right. The only area the court has any teeth is with child support and spousal maintenance. He initially refused to send the check- then his attorney made it clear he'd lose his medical license if he didn't do it. Unfortunately, Rebecca doesn't even have that. These guys learn very quickly that the legal system is a new audience for their insatiable need for attention and another way to control us, to continue to torture us. One thinks that the legal system will protect you, will be fair and just- not!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 2:02pm

Unfortunately that is the truth QB. When I was first divorced my exh was a total pain about visitation. We had to have an open agreement because he travels so the days change. He would not tell me in advance, there was no rhyme or reason, and it certainly wasn't set up to be convenient for me.

My family counselor (didn't know about iVillage back then unfortunately!) said welcome to the world of a single mom - it does stink at best - but that is the way it is. He said you have to manage your life now so that he keeps on paying child support. Keep the relationship going with Exh and DS - keep Exh in his life that way. Don't worry about the visitation - change your expectations about what exh does - if he wasn't a helpful loving person when you were married he is certainly not going to be that way now that you are divorced.

He said the downfall of most single moms is that they get in a huge fight with their exh all the time and then the exh figures out they can stop paying child support - they will legally have to start again - but there is no way to get them to pay back support that is owed. It is a loop here in our state.

This sounds a bit similar to you all - in that they figure out what they have to do or don't have to do and milk the system.

My life is so much easier since I have no expectations for exh. Whatever he does is gravy for DS and that is that. I don't expect him to be nice or fair to me or ever have my interest at heart. I only encourage his relationship with DS. I carry the load. It is not easy - but there is no other way.

I am lucky that exh does pay childsupport - we are now 6 years past our divorce and at present the wheels are working more smoothly.

But I do know that I have it much easier than a lot of people - so I try to see it that way too.

I wish so much luck and patience for those who need it here for this matter. It is hard enough that we are single parents - it is not like we need sabotage and hard times from exh's like the ones that QB and rlch have had to deal with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 12:05am

Thanks girls.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 2:22pm

I really think you should cancel the car insurance and get another policy. You have to separate stuff and force him to choose that he can stand on his own two feet or swim. I bet if you do that he respects you and treats you better. It is a surprising phenomenon but that is how it works.

Keep us posted.