About Me.......

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2005
About Me.......
15
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 8:17am

Okay....someone asked me to tell a little background about me and my DH.....


I met him when I was 16 and he was 18. We were engaged when I was 17 and married when I was 19. Everything was great, until he got the motorcycle April 12 2005. Then he was out 5-6 nights a week on that stupid bike....while I was at home with our son. Not fair in my opinion.....but I digress.....He died on a saturday June 25, 2005. Just a little over a month past our 4th wedding anniversary and just a little under a month until our sons first birthday. Come to find out...when his friends picked up his motorcycle from the tow company, there was a condom under the backseat of the motorcycle (which his friends got rid of....we didn't use condoms, which is obviously how we got our son...lol).....with that information and a couple of other things, I found out he was cheating on me. I honestly have a feeling that if he wouldn't have died that we would not be together right now. and (I know this is gonna sound bad) it's almost easier that he passed away, I had talked about leaving shortly after he got the bike and I was gonna take our son, and he said no (he used Hunter as a power chip....he didn't really want him, but he knew I wouldn't leave without him)...he was never really there for our son. I was

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 6:41pm

Janet,


I'm sorry that things ended so badly.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2005
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 7:15pm

Alison....thank you for saying that. I always feel so bad saying that it is better off this way, but that's how I feel, and


"Your son is very lucky to have you as his mother."

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 7:34pm

Aw honey ((((HUGS))))


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 7:56pm

You have been through so much for your young age.

I don't think you should try to look at what might have been - I think you should try to remember the good - I love your signature that shows your husband is now your guardian angel.

The thing is that you were both very young - and a relationship and parenting is so hard for anyone, never mind those your age in today's world. You both did the best you could.

Just be happy that you are the one who gets to live now with your son. I am sure he is watching over both of you and is real proud!!

It is great that you found our board - we are here to all support each other during the single times to make sure we all find the right person - not only for us - but also for the consideration of our children, too.

Do you have a good network of family and friends to help you and be with you?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2005
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 8:25pm
Alison....I did know it was coming and I told him so many times I can't even count "You're gonna kill yourself on that bike" my exact words....everytime I told him....and I am still angry at him for cheating, for dying (I know that seems kinda silly, but there was NO REASON for him to buy that bike....not when you have a wife and a baby)
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2005
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 8:27pm
yea...i do have a good network of family and friends.....and I also went to grief counseling, so I am doing much much better now.....
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 8:37pm

And you were justified in your fears, he DID get in an accident and died as a result of that bike.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 8:49pm

Thank you for sharing that with us (me). I am so sorry this happened to you and can certainly understand the anger involved. It's almost a surreal moment in life...

I never went through greif counseling and I wondered if I would have even benefitted from it. I was in such a bad state when my husband died that I wanted to just go back to work and let other people handle his funeral. It was terrible, I felt so out of place. And to top it off, several members of his family made remarks to me at his funeral about how the separation had been so hard on him and that perhaps that if I would not have left him that he would not have died! Whatever! I chose not to associate with his family after things were settled (and because of other ways they chose to treat me and my daughter.)

Anyway, you have the best job in front of you taking care of that little boy ;)

--snow

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 8:55pm

Snow,


I'm sorry that his family treated you so poorly- they needed a scapegoat to vent their own anger and pain, and you were the easiest target.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 10:30pm

Thank you Alison!!

It's just a shame for my daughter is all. I completely cut her off from the other side of her family, but given the situation, I still feel like I did the right thing. I am certainly better off without them in my life and hers. Holy Jerry Springer show!

I was so detached from the situation by the time it happened, it was more like a dream than a reality which is really sad. But like Janet, I almost feel that it is for the better in the long run. He was in so much pain, both emotionally and physically, so I am glad that is over for him at least.

Thanks for the Hugs :)

--snow

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