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| Wed, 05-02-2007 - 10:02am |
1. How long have you been single?
2. Do you date? How often?
3. Any serious relationships since the split?
4. How long were you separated before the divorce?
5. Who initiated the split?
6. Does your former SO see the kids? How often? Does he help?
7. Do you get along with the ex?
8. Does your ex have a relationship now? Do you like her, your kids like her?
9. What was hardest about the split?
10. What was the best part of him going?
11. Are you the same person as before or did you change much?
12. Why did you split?
13. What do you do for fun now that you did not get to do before?
14. Do you live near your ex or did one or both of you move?
15. Have you done online dating? How was it? What is the best site you tried? Worst?
16. Will you marry again if given the chance?
~Mel~

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1. How long have you been single? 3+ yrs
2. Do you date? How often? yes, recently once a week
3. Any serious relationships since the split? one for about 5 months seriously and we continued to date casually for another 5 months.
4. How long were you separated before the divorce? separated in Feb final by July
5. Who initiated the split? me
6. Does your former SO see the kids? How often? Does he help? He sees my son regularly, my daughter sporadic as she does not want to go often. He helps a little when he wants, but I have no expectations. Owes a lot of back child support and even when it does come is not much or reliable.
7. Do you get along with the ex? in the past it has been horrible, but since I know longer have any expectations it has gotten better. We are friendly most of the time, but I am always aware his mood could change at any moment.
8. Does your ex have a relationship now? Do you like her, your kids like her? he has dated but no one serious. The most important person in his life now as a transvestite !!!!
He tells me she/he loves him but he can not go their as she has a penis! he claims they are just friends but that was only after my daughter discovered she was really a he. It turned into one of our several trips to court, but even this I am now some how accepting. Time really does heal. my kids were horrified at first, but before knowing she was a he the liked this person.
9. What was hardest about the split? Feeling I destroyed my kids life! Never wanted my kids to be from a broken home, but now i know it was best.
10. What was the best part of him going? Discovering myself, gaining so much confidence. I am way stronger than I ever gave myself credit for.
11. Are you the same person as before or did you change much? I have changed a lot. I am much more social, I have come out of my shell a lot.
12. Why did you split? ex had a major mid life crisis, we always had issues as he has bad ADHD, but all of a sudden he completely changed. Went from having the same management job for 18 years to being fired 3 times in 9 months! Completely checked out of our family life, basicly stopped functioning.
13. What do you do for fun now that you did not get to do before? hang out with friends more, I get to date other men!!
14. Do you live near your ex or did one or both of you move? He is about 3 miles away now, but as of Saturday he is officially homeless, so not sure where he will be.
15. Have you done online dating? How was it? What is the best site you tried? Worst? I have never paid for a site, but have posted a profile on cupid and can reply to men that get in touch with me first. I have only done it for about 1 month. I have met 3 men. 1 was great on the phone and email, but once we met- no interest. The other two are great guys. One I saw twice this past weekend and we have plans for this week, so we will see!
16. Will you marry again if given the chance?
No plans, but never say never!
1. How long have you been single? 4 months
2. Do you date? How often? No, not yet, would like to though, but I'm near the end of a pregnancy.
3. Any serious relationships since the split? No, but currently like to flirt and practice being social.
4. How long were you separated before the divorce? still separated. In Canada, we can't divorce until after a year.
5. Who initiated the split? DH, but DH says it was a "mutual" decisiion(!?!?)
6. Does your former SO see the kids? How often? Does he help? Yes, often (2 week nights, Sat-Sun sleep over - 1 DD, will change when NB comes, he's very helpful, almost better than when living w him.
7. Do you get along with the ex? Yes, some things better, some things puzzling like why he needed me gone, big financial drain too.
8. Does your ex have a relationship now? Do you like her, your kids like her? Not now, he had an EA up to about a month ago (we split in Dec. 2006 mostly bc of her).
9. What was hardest about the split? Moving, setting up new rental home, financially hard
10. What was the best part of him going? the stress and drama is all gone, he's not my problem any more, he can fall flat on his own face in the greener pastures he thinks he's going to find.
11. Are you the same person as before or did you change much? Still soul searching, so haven't improved myself yet, amazingly more flirty and energetic than when with him, I like looking at clothes again and currently buying some jewellery to make myself feel more attractive - never would have bothered w living w H.
12. Why did you split? His EA, I was tired of him thinking he should have every right to keep other female friends, he's also immature and became arrogent and cold working @ a new gov't job. He says he didn't trust me - since I posted on other boards about his EA's - I betrayed him for telling complete strangers our problems and he saw the replies, never forgave me for that even though he tells our problems to his own friends and family. Basically he needs to grow up. I need to better myself and move on.
13. What do you do for fun now that you did not get to do before? No fun in the forceable future will have a newborn in a month.
14. Do you live near your ex or did one or both of you move? I had to move bc his house is provided by his work, I only kicked him out until I found a new home for myself and my children - it took 2 months.
15. Have you done online dating? How was it? What is the best site you tried? Worst? No, not interested in that route, may change my mind later though
16. Will you marry again if given the chance? I don't wish to marry again, I feel I put all my eggs in 1 basket w STBX-H, but will consider LT relationship or commitment (i.e. common-law).
Hi Jennifer,
"Have y'all noticed how just about all of the exh's have remarried or have girlfriends? Here we are trying to find a good guy or keep up with a good relationship we have now."
We are also struggling with time constraints. I think all of us here have our children at home on a more-or-less full-time basis. This gives our exes a lot more time than us to go out, meet people and date. I know at the beginning I felt like I was juggling my life in order to fit in with my exh's social schedule. Things are better now, as he is very regular with his visits. Mind you, as far as I know, he hasn't met anyone special yet. It's been five years now.
I know how hard it is to find time to date as a full-time mom!
Clem xx
1. How long have you been single?...3 years after 18 years of marriage
2. Do you date? How often?...at least twice a month
3. Any serious relationships since the split?...one that can only be considered a well learned lesson (it was a mistake to get into it but am glad for what I learned about myself from it). 'Boyfriend' of two months has just now asked for me to be his girlfriend and not see others.
4. How long were you separated before the divorce?...About 4 months.
5. Who initiated the split?...I kicked him out, even packed his clothes for him. He was having an affair and I found out about it. It was the second time with the same chick from the first year of our marriage. No second chances, no excuses (he said it was all her chasing him)
6. Does your former SO see the kids? How often? Does he help?...DS(18) in college, sees his dad when he wants. DD (16) does when it is to her benefit. DD (9) is scheduled to be with him 4-8 on Mondays and Wedensdays and one night on the weekend (alternates each week). He does take her at those times. Doesn't ever offer any extra time outside of the scheduled times.
7. Do you get along with the ex?...We get along fine, we are both the parents to our children but by no means could we be considered friends (I don't really like him much, love him still as the kids father but that is it)
8. Does your ex have a relationship now? Do you like her, your kids like her?...Moved in with the OW a week after I kicked him out and she then left her husband. They are still together but he says only because he can't make the bills alone. I neither like her nor even respect her as a person. My kids were told from the beginning (by me of course) that they do not have to like her, they can't be disrespectful nor rude (they were brought up better than that) but by no means have to like her either, she is their Dad's girlfriend and that is it. The oldest two tolerate her only because of that reason. The kids get along fine with her, the youngest actually will say she likes her but only because she knows I don't feel threatened by her. DD (9) knows who her mother is without any doubt.
9. What was hardest about the split?...Losing my best friend, the one and only person that I could count on in this life. Now that one and only person is myself and I have to say I like my new best friend. :-)
10. What was the best part of him going?...I found ME.
11. Are you the same person as before or did you change much? I have the same values and beliefs but my standards have risen. I will never settle again.
12. Why did you split? See #5.
13. What do you do for fun now that you did not get to do before?..I have so many friends now. I do the same things I did before but now I don't have anyone trying to make me feel bad for enjoying them.
14. Do you live near your ex or did one or both of you move?...He bought a house about mile up the road from me.
15. Have you done online dating? How was it? What is the best site you tried? Worst?...I have done OLD. It worked ok. Wasn't crazy about doing it. I guess I just felt like I really didn't have the proper amount of time to spend doing it as was necessary. OLD was how I ended up in the one 'way too serious relationship way too fast' before I was ready. I have actually met quite a few good people from it but I wasn't in a position to accept the consequences. I am way too nice to say "Sorry I don't think we are a match". And I would want to be friends with some of the men but knew deep down that they wanted more and it wasn't ever going to happen on my part so then I was kind of stuck. And I really don't think I can take rejection to good. Just one of the issues that I am still dealing with to overcome and until I can overcome all of those feelings that still linger from the divorce, I don't let anyone get too close.
16. Will you marry again if given the chance? I guess I don't see a need to. What is the benefit of marriage?
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