Accidentally met exh's new interest long
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| Sat, 12-04-2004 - 12:18am |
Hi
I am not sure how I feel about this...meeting my exh's new interest. I'm calling her that becuase I'm not sure if he's dating her or not. We've been divorced (final) for over 18 months. We have both dated on and off...but I have not dated anyone since June...got sick and tired of the "games", and he had told me that he wasn't dating either just about a month ago.
Breif history...we were together for over 10 years: 2 children, a dd 9 and a ds 6. We owned a part time business together, selling Christmas trees, I was a big part of that...and would bring the kids to visit him with coffee, or we would go and get a quck meal together. I worked at the lot every year until the divorce. He did not want me to be a part of it after the divorce, and with the children being older and in CCD and sports, it was a better decision anyway that I back out.
oh...he wanted the divorce, fell out of love with me...and he had cheated....or almost cheated a couple of times...but he didn't even date for almost a year after our divorce. He had a jerky boss and a "family" that loved to torture us...and with whom we are still in litigation with over the "family" tree business.
>>>>I'm a bit confused over my reaction to seeing this "girl" with him in the trailer. She is obviously much younger, mid twenties...and not very poised...made a comment, "Wearing Christams stuff already?" DUH...in case you didn't notice honey...'tis the Season to put people in the mood!!!! BUY! BUY! BUY! She also has a balck sprts car...maybe I'm jealous...??? I have the ultimate "mommy mobile", a van.
I used to be the one in the trailer. I would bring the kids there so that they could see their dad...I could get a hug and a quick chat in about my day...and maybe even bring him dinner or he would go out with us for a quick meal.
I guess what was worse were the "looks" from "our" help...as if to say...uh-oh...here's Bob's exw...and he's got his new girl in the trailer with him...
thanks for reading my post...I guess that I needed to put it into perspective for myself...he's moving on finally...and that the "business" is not part of my domain any longer. It's not that I want to be back with him...or that I don't want him to be happy with someone else...he's quite good loooking and is also well off financially...I just don't want him to be with someone so much younger
***sigh*** am I just jealous? I think that I need to update my hair and wardrobe...I've been so busy with working overtime and the kids that I haven't been taking care of myself.
Have a great weekend everyone,
Jennifer

I only met one of the women he dated (well, I met the mistress, but that didn't last) ...we talked long and hard about what childhood experiences we (read mom) wanted for the kids. I was a little put off about meeting her, but he had already met my boyfriend of the time. Anyhow he married her and you know you have to hope that she's a good person and hold onto that because she's going to be an important player in your children's lives. That's the hard part, not that he's got a new lover.
Hang in there.
I don't think your feelings mean you are jealous, it's just a weird thing to meet your ex's new interest. I have yet to be there, so I can only imagine. My ex has not met my bf but he knows of him, and he knows a little about him. I have no idea what dd has said to him about my bf. Last time my ex and I talked, she had just accidently met my bf when he stayed overnight. Since then he has come over and stayed over several times. But when he isn't here she doesn't talk about him so maybe when she goes to her dad's, she isn't thinking about it. I hope that is the case.
I think your reaction - to think about your own life and your hair and wardrobe - means you are in a healthy place. You see him moving on, and you're taking a quick check to make sure you are taking care of yourself and moving on too. It had to have been awkward to go there and see her there, but it sounds like you handled it very well and next time you see her, or someone else with him, my guess is that it won't be as awkward. If she's in her mid-twenties, my guess is she might not be around long.
I asked him about her ...and she's older than I thought, 43! (My new glasses arrived at my doctor's on Friday...TG! I had better start wearing them! LOL) Also, she's someone he dated in the past, is not dating presently....maybe she was hoping to get a free tree!!!
Hehehe...little does she know that both my mom and dad paid for their trees when we were still married, so I highly doubt that he will be giving away Christmas trees to someone that he had dated...and emphatically stated was NOT his GF!
I'm feeling much better anyway myself...it's been almost 18 months...and I was feeling a bit nostalgic about the holidays.
Then I had an interesting IM....from a former bf, who became just a friend, who is now more than that, but not a bf...we got together earlier this evening...so I'm feeling, mmmmmm pretty good right now!
Have an awesome week!
Jennifer
I can relate....
I remember meeting the mistress, who he ended up marrying six months after our divorce was final. Christmas, 2002 he showed up Christmas Day to pick up our son, Dylan for his visit. We talked some and then I asked that the next day before they all left for Mississippi that he bring Dylan home to say goodbye until I picked him up a few days later to come back home. He agreed. Dylan was only 3. He showed up like he promised, but she was with him at the door. I had never met her. She's my age and less attractive than I am (no, I'm not conceited at all, but she was not that beautiful), but she got to me coming into my home and with MY shirt on. He bought me a sweatshirt at his college while I was carrying our son and after I left him, he gave it to HER. I left it for him because it was unisex and a bigger shirt so he'd be able to wear it fine and heave lots of room. I never thought he'd give it to her...especially since I supported his college time. He was in the Navy and going to school while I was at home raising our son ALONE. I never complained.
So I know how you felt seeing the new one. But I'm glad you realized she wasn't a gf afterall, not that it matters since you both have moved on and are happy in your own lives. Go get a hair cut, a facial, manicure and the works and feel good aout you. Buy a new dress or a new cute pair of shoes and a new color of lip stick or bottle of perfume. Things like that always make me feel more beautiful. I have a bra fetish too so if I go to get a really nice one and a pair of matching panties, I feel so good about me. Pamper yourself sometimes and don't worry about sports cars vs. mommy mobiles. You have the kids and that's far more important than fast cars.
Best of luck!
Mel
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Oh I have had those feelings too about my ex husband its natural... Its not about jealousy - its seeing someone who was what you thought a permanent fixture in your life --- move on. If you truly loved him--- you will wish him well for you- for your kids-- and for him too.
Also I see you focusing on THINGS -- external things that dont mean much. Its about love and compassion and being happy and THINGS are only temporary fixes that do not fill you.
Learn to fill yourself up with appreciating actions- feelings- moments- laughter- joys- tears- moments of learning and expanding your mind- moments of doing healthy things for your body mind and spirit- a car, a business, what have you means NOTHING when it comes right down to it.
AND your ex husband who didnt appreciate and praise you and fill you and inspire you really is someone you need let go of and just pray he learns to be a good father to you precious children...as to his personal life...its his own.
Its a difficult task but the sooner you learn to let go--- the easier it is for you to become happier with yourself.
HUGS!!!
MB