advice for a guy dating a single mom
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advice for a guy dating a single mom
| Fri, 10-12-2007 - 12:08am |
I'm four months into dating a girl that I fell in love with 7 years ago when we were roommates in our early 20's, best friends for the whole time.

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Welcome to the board!
First off, after only 4 months of dating, she shouldn't be asking you to parent her child.
Thank you SO much for your response and welcoming me to the board.
First welcome to the board and these are some great questions. I have to say that I would be reluctant to parent anyone else's children. I'm not really going to say what I would do in this situation. I doubt any advice from her childless boyfriend would be met with much enthusiasm. If she isn't happy about being woken up, then she should seek advice from other parents, books, or wherever she might ask for it. I would not volunteer anything to her if I were you.
I have to say that if you are a single parent and the custodial parent you will have the child most of the time. My ex has our children exactly 4 nights per month. He sees them no other time and this is up for 2 nights a week when we first separated a year and a half ago. I don't think he will ever have them any more than that so anyone that I date has to understand the limitations on my time. My children are 6 and 7 so they still need lots of parenting. When they are older and involved in activities it gets to be even less mom time. Those are definitely some things you need to consider. We run to sports activities and other things throughout the week. Finding any time for me to do for myself on a weeknight right now is next to impossible. I just want you to keep in mind that time for the adults is less when there are children. Although if you would like to go out more (dinner, movies, dancing whatever) you could offer to hire a sitter so the two of you can get out alone.
Good luck. HTH
Priscilla
Haha- welcome to the world of small children!
April
Welcome. I must say, you are imposing way too many "wants" and "needs" on her for what she is able to give right now in her life. That is just my opinion.
My son didn't sleep alone til after 4. I believe in self weaning and the family bed. Now he is in middle school and there is no danger of him wanting to wake me up in the middle of the night or sleep with me, I can promise you that. He has turned into a very bright honor student and helps me a lot around the house. I believe I taught him patience and emotional intelligence with my own actions.
Two is a challenging age because the child is becoming more aware of his/her surroundings and wants everything. He is learning consequences. The bottom line for that age, after reading many parenting books and my own opinion, is that you have to have endless patience. Because it is something they grow out of and you want to give them a positive experience and grow their self esteeem - not teach a harsh lesson. You have to learn their triggers - perhaps it is don't do something too stimulating or upsetting at bedtime or naptime or feeding time - that is when they get most upset. And you have to learn to "redirect."
Each of us could write books on our opinions and experiences and children - they are all different. And every parent has the right to their own opinion.
My big opinion for you and your situation is that the child's development should not be about you wanting to spend more time with the mom. It is going to get harder before it gets easier and especially in a situation where the parents have been separated - the kids take a big step back whenever something new or stressful happens - this is very common. I think if you really want to make it work you should keep quiet and let her parent and maybe take the time to read books. But you certainly don't want to ADD more stress to her life. The best thing you can do is bring her dinner, pamper her, give her space and tell her she is doing a great job - do not judge her.
Hope this helps. Can't wait to hear what the others have to say. Soonee has a lot more education on children's developmental stages and toddler's needs than I do.
Well, my 17 month old..and my 3 year old both sleep through the night..so I have no advice there..depends on the child, when my children did wake up..they got a bottle/sippy cup of water..and i left their bedroom-I went back to bed.
I did not pick them up at all, and they did not sleep with me
My ex has my children every other weekend..if I want to go out any other time..I have to pay a babysitter..I dont trust babysitters..so my boyfriend has to spend time with me and my children..which he has no problem doing :) theres always the park to take the kids to..kids play..him and i can talk, or we take them for a walk, or out for a drive..to visit my parents so the kids can spend time with them as well :) LOTS of options..and..my kids arent exactly the best behaved kids either :) they have their awful days..my boyfriend and I took them to the zoo once..and it was HELL! lol
Hey there and welcome!
I haven't read ahead, so forgive me if I repeat anything.
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I don't have any specific advice on sleeping through the night- I was incredibly lucky.
However, the child needs to feel reassured, comforted, and then I would let her get back to sleep on her own.
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