Advice from my friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Advice from my friends
19
Fri, 06-27-2008 - 6:49am

I have this friend that I went to nursing school with and we've been close friends for years.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Fri, 06-27-2008 - 10:30am

Eeek!


I think that's what my friend refers to when she says some people say "Sister, let me take the speck out of your eye,'"

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 06-27-2008 - 10:39am

Honestly, I think the bigger and more important question is why are you friends with her and or discussing your personal life and relationships given her track record. Never mind listening to her advice?

Do what is right for you - and your kids - and EG. From all you have written you have a lot of integrity with being able to work hard and do the right thing. So, keep doing that and good things will come to you!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Fri, 06-27-2008 - 10:59am
Dont you worry - you are doing everything so completely right and she is clearly a mess. Did anyone watch Oprah yesterday about this widow who had an abusive husband who controlled all the money, canceled his life insurance, didnt pay bills, and killed himself leaving her with 72 dollars?
ue
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 06-27-2008 - 11:50am
OMG - that is hideous!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Fri, 06-27-2008 - 11:58am
It sounds like she is insecure and a little jealous. It isn't like she is the model of a sucessful relationship anyway. With friends like that, who needs enemies. Time to start spending less time together. I have gotten to the age that I just don't put up with any BS anymore. Life is too short!
Stephanie
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Fri, 06-27-2008 - 12:35pm
Oh I know. And she had four kids under the age of twelve and hadnt worked in 12 years. Her job prior to marriage was a hairdresser and to keep their current house and all of their minimum payments on credit cards, mortgage and equity lines, cars, fuel, phone you name it Suze orman ( is that how you spell her name?) told her she needed close to 10000 a month. So she had to sell her house and move into a one bedroom with 4 little kids. Suze justified the one bedroom by pointing out that all four kids liked to sleep with her and had been doing that to protect her from Dad for at least the past year. She didnt seem to think they were in a point in their lives where they would fare well sleeping alone since they had just lost their Dad to the suicide a few months prior. It was a horrifying story from a number of angles but mostly to me because this was a woman who let her husband control ALL finances and it certainly seemed in the end that he screwed her good and on purpose what with canceling the life insurance and taking his life. He hadnt paid the mortgage or credit cards in months and was buying expensive toys instead. She said she wanted to leave him repeatedly during the marriage but always felt she couldnt because she didnt have the money to make it with the kids on her own. This is why I think isysmoon is doing everything right. You need to be able to care for yourself.
I think SYB and I will be together forever but I am making sure my income and expenses can be ok without him. You just never know and I have to be able to feel confident I can do it with DS alone again if need be.
Suze's biggest point I think was to tell women to be more proactive with the finances even if they are married and SAHM and also to tell people that most of us have NO IDEA what our monthly expenses are because we are almost always off by over a thousand dollars. THat was surprising to me.
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 06-27-2008 - 1:26pm

Isysmoon- I hope you were posting just to vent about her insanity and not because she caused you to question your own independence. She is clearly going to be traveling along on her train wreck, looking for another derailment. She obviously won't learn from past mistakes.


I'm like you- I have some things that Hiker bought me- like the set of golf clubs. But it wasn't him "sugar-daddying" me. It was actually more of a selfish gift on his part- because by getting the clubs for me, I had no excuse for not going with him to play! And if I didn't play... he would have to wait until his other friends were available. LOL But we do have fun playing- and I'm thankful for him for buying something so big- just so we could spend more time doing an activity together. Don't feel bad about the outdoor activity toys that EG bought for you. Hiker makes more than I do as well... and he doesn't mind paying for most of our dates. But that sure doesn't put either of us into the same group as your "friend"!!!


~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Fri, 06-27-2008 - 2:03pm

Isysmoon- I hope you were posting just to vent about her insanity and not because she caused you to question your own independence


Actually Shrimpy, she did make me question my relationship and my independence.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Fri, 06-27-2008 - 2:04pm

This post is interesting since I was thinking something along these lines. As I mentioned in my romance update ;-) things are going great super great. Also we live together now. We moved all my stuff last week to his (our) new place although I have been staying there already. Now I want to go and clean my old apt this weekend. Biker wants to go with me and help me..But somehow I just want to do it myself. I guess I am feeling like " I might get dependent on him slowly"..or what.. I dont know..I told him I can clean up (mind you- it is just a studio so really not much to clean). He says it will be faster if we do it together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 06-27-2008 - 2:13pm

Isys- I hope you can manage to throw out the guilt with what you and EG have going! Especially when the doubts are generated partly from the comments of someone you KNOW is living her life completely different than your values (or morals!) and basically from another planet of dating and relating.


I think another key here, is to realize the thoughts and feelings BEHIND your accepting the things you accept from EG. You're not asking him for them, you're not expecting them from him. You are trying to do what you can for yourself, BY yourself financially. It's totally different that you are not like that "friend"- who is expecting her men to step up and cover for her. It is NOT the same thing in your situations!!

~shrimpy


It's never too late to live happily ever after, and always be grateful for those who make our souls blossom.

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

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