Advice from my friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Advice from my friends
19
Fri, 06-27-2008 - 6:49am

I have this friend that I went to nursing school with and we've been close friends for years.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Fri, 06-27-2008 - 2:18pm

So true.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Fri, 06-27-2008 - 2:23pm
Here is what someone told SYB and I to do with the finances and we are going to start it as we get a mortgage because then we are taking it on together and it is official. I was told to have a household account where we are each committed to putting a percentage of our earnings in and the totals are based on how much we make - so I put in more because I make more than him. This way the household bills are paid and then we each keep our separate accounts for spending money and money for gifts etc. I suppose we could do the same with savings. Anyhow, the household account should cover all utilities, cell phone plan ( we are on the same one already), gym ( we are on that as a couple too already), mortgage, car payment, car insurance, health insurance ( even though we have different rates), and food. The essentials basically. We will set up automatic debit for most of this. We are also getting him a life insurance plan since I have one already and we will list each other as beneficiaries once we buy the house. So our personal checking accounts will be for spending money, grooming costs like haircuts or girly stuff or clothes. Also, costs for my son's things or clothes or school supplies will come from my account unless he offers to pitch in from his. We also both joined mint.com which is a great free site that helps you track your spending and sets budgets for you giving you really good visuals to your spending trends and even offering you info on better credit cards, savings interest, etc. It downloads all accounts for you using banking software so for example I have my savings, my checking, both of my retirement accounts, and two credit cards on mint. If I log on it will tell me what I have spent from each of those places all month and categorizes it for me. It has helped us save a few thousand dollars in the past few months because we are more careful. I hope this helps!
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 06-27-2008 - 2:35pm

I've received comments about the "traveling alone" thing as well. My ex-in-laws are always surprised that I can drive from here to their house with the kids, ALL BY MYSELF- which is a 2-day trip covering about 800 miles or so. It is NOT a big deal!!! But people get all freaked and shocked that I would do that. "You mean you stop and get a hotel by yourself, too?"


Uh... yeah- because it's better than sleeping in the van, parked out somewhere. WTH?!?


I guess I didn't grow up as one of the dependent crops of women. My ex-in-law's family females are a bit more dependent on their men (or others)

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Fri, 06-27-2008 - 5:09pm
My mother is the same way as my friends.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Fri, 06-27-2008 - 10:34pm

I would stick a mirror in her face and tell her to take a good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sat, 06-28-2008 - 5:13pm

The drama continued today.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Sat, 06-28-2008 - 6:06pm

LOL. Man I would be considered totally kookoo since I fly, rent cars, make hotel reservation, wander about places I''ve not been before, alone, internationally. My mom totally flipped when I told her I was driving 5 hours into Mexico by myself. I call that being a grown up.

And Isys, that "friend" does not sound too friendly to me. Yikes, drama head case more like it.

QB

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sat, 06-28-2008 - 6:34pm

And the thing is she is VERY smart and a great nurse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Sat, 06-28-2008 - 7:39pm

You can't make other people make good choices. She has made a conscious decision to have this relationship with a married man. She knows what she is doing, she knows the risks involved, yet she chooses to behave this way. Projecting on to you her insecurities that stem from her history of cheating and being cheated on does neither of you any good. So don't take anything she says about your life and your relationship to really have much merit. You have made other choices, choice's, in my opinion, that reflect a much higher standard of honesty and integrity. Please don't make excuses for her. She is an adult, she is responsible for what she says and what she does. Many of us try to see the best in other people, make excuses for their poor treatment of us. Not really a good thing. Stand up for yourself, you are comfortable and secure in your relationship, so be confident in those assessments.

QB

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