Advice/opinions please.....
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Advice/opinions please.....
| Tue, 03-25-2008 - 11:01pm |
Background - I have a wonderful best friend (BF) who has always been there for me. Going through the last stages of my abusive marriage she was my lifeline. My ex's behaviour was escalating and very unpredictable so we set up a safety net - I called or emailed her each night before bed and first thing in the morning to assure my wellbeing. If I spoke the code word or she couldn't reach me, she would call 911 etc.
Once my ex and I split up he became convinced that I had been hiding an affair from him for two reasons 1) due to the elusive emails and phone calls I was making 2)

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I am having a hard time staying neutral tonight. SYB is feeling sympathetic toward his abusive sister and I am having trouble listening to it. Boundaries are a b**tch, arent they?? If you were here we could enjoy a glass of organic wine together I think!!
HUGS....
Oh Rose, Thats so hard! It will be horrible if he comes b/w the 2 of you!
I think you just absolutely need to stand your ground. Abusive people are manipulative & his contacting her, & her contacting you, can only lead to a REALLY bad issue b/w you & her.
You have every right to feel as if you do. & she can choose to feel how she does. Hopefully she chooses to stay out of it.
Rebecca, Mom to Averey, 2/8/00, Kibo, Sana & Zuri too!
You don't need her letting him lean on her at all - it is near betrayal in my book.
Phew!!! Thanks City...that is exactly how I was feeling about it. I am so used to being a peace-keeper that I have never been great about setting boundaries. I normally try to let things roll off of my back but
Thanks Rebecca....I do feel that I need to stand my ground on this one. Hopefully she will think about it and understand my point of view. Her immediate reaction was one of anger saying that she didn't ask to be put in the middle of this and that she has other things she can be doing with her time...I said I absolutely agree (but I know that isn't what she wanted/expected me to say).
I would've said the same thing to her, you're not out to lunch on that one.
Rebecca, Mom to Averey, 2/8/00, Kibo, Sana & Zuri too!
Hi,
OK So knowing what ive been through you need to see the big picture here. He is an abuser and control is a classic abuse tactic. He couldnt control you yesterday when he couldnt reach you via phone so hes grasping in all directions. He reached to the closest part of you your BF. Your friend will understand but she may not see it for what it is at first. Especially because abusers are sooooo good at being a chameleon and charming to get what they want. She needs to sever all contact with him because if he gets his way he will control you through her and alienate you from her. Abusers like you to feel alone and like the world has turned its back on you...not so! Remember that!!!!!
(((((HUGS)))))
M
But you cannot control what your ex or your friend does.
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