Advice/opinions please.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Advice/opinions please.....
18
Tue, 03-25-2008 - 11:01pm

Background - I have a wonderful best friend (BF) who has always been there for me. Going through the last stages of my abusive marriage she was my lifeline. My ex's behaviour was escalating and very unpredictable so we set up a safety net - I called or emailed her each night before bed and first thing in the morning to assure my wellbeing. If I spoke the code word or she couldn't reach me, she would call 911 etc.


Once my ex and I split up he became convinced that I had been hiding an affair from him for two reasons 1) due to the elusive emails and phone calls I was making 2)

Rosecolouredspecs

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Wed, 03-26-2008 - 11:23am

I would be more disappointed and angered by her actions than his at this point if she continues to press the issue at all since really you might have expected this manipulative move from him.


Thanks City you really seem to know of what your speak (write). It is true I am more disappointed in her considering she rode shot-gun

Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Wed, 03-26-2008 - 11:31am

Thanks West...I have come to a decision that if she chooses to continue discussing my situation with him, that I will no longer be sharing my feelings,

Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Wed, 03-26-2008 - 11:31am

Hi Rosecolored-


i have not read the other responses yet so I apologize if I say something already said. I feel that not only would your best friend

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Wed, 03-26-2008 - 11:37am

I do want to point out your friend is LETTING him put her in the middle. So dont YOU feel any guilt at all about it.


Thanks Rebecca - I totally agree...I think she gets something out of this situation, it somehow fulfills a need for her.

Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Wed, 03-26-2008 - 11:52am

Your friend will understand but she may not see it for what it is at first. Especially because abusers are sooooo good at being a chameleon and charming to get what they want.


Ding ding ding...we have a winner here! I think you are soooo right...he is just doing what he does best...manipulating...

Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Wed, 03-26-2008 - 12:11pm

your ex is manipulating the situation to get your bf on his side..and what that would do is disarm you. He thinks he can charm her or something and that would take her off of your side.


Thanks Pacific....that is exactly what I think is happening here. I totally lost sight of this one aspect myself. He wants to be heard....my BF is one of a very few people who know that

Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
Wed, 03-26-2008 - 1:58pm
I think you handled that SO well!!! You were direct, to the point, honest and very nice about it. You didn't attack her or go on the defense, and it's completely understandable why you'd be upset over what happened and uncomfortable with it continuing!! I'm amazed your best friend can't see it that way. I hope you get it figured it out and amicably, that would send me over the edge. You handled it SO well.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Wed, 03-26-2008 - 2:45pm
Thank you so much.
Rosecolouredspecs

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