Afraid of the emotional rush

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Afraid of the emotional rush
1
Tue, 11-11-2008 - 7:24pm

i stayed true to myself... and i've been honest. Last night was Heroes at MM's house.. I brought the wine, this time. He and I have so much fun watching this show together ... not to mention a little kissy kissy during commercials and after the show.


So when things got heated ... i'm pleased with myself that i voiced how i was feeling.. which is afraid. First i told him he was "driving me crazy".. and he asked "good crazy or bad crazy"... when i said it i meant good crazy but really i'm not sure... so i said "i'm not sure"... and he said "well, if you don't know. then i don't know..." Things cooled off slightly. I confessed to him that i'm afraid of the emotional rush. You all know i've been thinking about this for a week... can i have sex with this person when i know i'll get emotionally attached? So many things are going through my head... First off, in 4 years since my divorce i can't say that i've ever had emotional sex. It's alway been a physical only thing and my goal was leaving emotion out of it and enjoying the fun of it all.


But i am aware that this is not the case with MM.... i'm pleased with myself that i can see this and i'm not in denial.. and i'm pleased that i let MM know how i was feeling. If he's playing me, the idea of emotions would get him to run, right. But I know he isn't playing me at all... i think he's falling just as hard for me, too.... So, i chose to show a vulnerable side .. we fell asleep on his couch.


conclusion... is it normal to be afraid?


the antedote to fear is trust! i tell myself this... and i trust MM more than any guy i've dated so far. maybe the emotions won't be so bad and i'm just overthinking.. maybe i should just let go and enjoy...


Loonybunny

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Wed, 11-12-2008 - 9:46pm

Geez, I totally know what you mean. I get afraid of the emotional thing, too. I think it is good for you to notice and and confront it, rather than ignore it and get hurt or confused.

Trust is good if the person deserves it. It is hard to trust someone you don't know that well.