After the love dust settles...question
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After the love dust settles...question
| Mon, 05-05-2008 - 6:09pm |
For those of you (Shrimps, QueenB, Isysmoon...anyone else?) who have been through the attraction/infatuation love dust stage and now into or entering the next stage...
How are you working it?
This next stage...I know that according to the experts the magical infatuation endorphins start lower after 18 mos to three years...and then you enter a stage which I think is about really seeing one another in true light, and bonding beyond that initial chemistry. Reality stage- How did you feel going through that or have you yet?
This past weekend marked my 1.5 year with Blue Eyes. I admit I am somewhat of a romantic, or love junkie. I hope that the next phase when it happens is one that brings as much happiness.

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understanding these parts of him makes me feel like I am finally loving all of him. Now that we live together we have found out all sorts of things about one another too - it has been eye opening! But mostly we have relaxed.
This is great, and gives hope! I sense that many people (maybe myself included) have always felt that when the love dust potion starts to settle and you feel less intensity in attraction, that it means the love is fading. I like how you say "but mostly we have relaxed". This is what I am looking forwrd to. I've loved the infatuation stage, but I'm sort of looking forward to the next phase where we can relax also and be OK with one antother without all the "make up and mirrors". I guess that I want to feel that comfort yet have it be with someone who I know chemisrty exists.
I loved the honeymoon stage but I feel way luckier in the reality and empathy phase because I could only suspect or hope I might be lucky earlier, KWIM?
I do know what you mean. That makes perfect sense! I would like that kind of bond. Like getting off the adrenaline producing roller coaster with him....but still hand in hand walking together. Thanks for haring this City!
I might consider myself a recovering Love Junkie, in the light of this question...
In the past, I used to THRIVE on that first-love high and infatuation!!! I loved that feeling, and I never wanted it to end! And then once it did end (or faded)- I would be disappointed in the "lack of love" because it didn't feel like a high anymore. And then we'd break up. So for a large chunk of my pre-married days, I went through several 2-yr relationships that never worked out. Not really because of a mismatch exactly- but more because I was a Love Junkie, and wanted to keep on feeling that hit to get my fix.
My marriage was a whole 'nother thing. We were so mismatched- but jumped into marriage too quickly
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
Shrimps- I just got such nice goose bumps reading that :o)
I love what you said about you and Hiker. It's wonderful and that is what I hope for! I think I am seeing beyond my love junkie stage. I know that I want more than that! I want substance! I am entering this next phase optimistically even if I am cautious.
As for sharing mutual passions- I think that is what really brought BE and I together. We have so many mutual interests. I've never met someone as crazy about music as I am and
continued taking risks with one another and I think that has made the intimacy grow and bonded us to the point where the chemistry reignites almost.
Yes, that does make sense. I think good relationships will take some effort on both parts to keep things going- and that means taking risks on exploring more together, and keeping communication open.
Blue eyes once said many months ago "After you learn everything about me and there is no more mystery..maybe you will get bored!" But it occurs to me that people are always evolving and changing and learning therefore always having something new to share with each other. I hope to feel bonded and relaxed yet still excited about each other...like you have found with SYB!
So I didn't muddy it up for you??? I'm surprised! This whole thing seems so hard to put into words! I just know I like how it's been moving along, and how it just doesn't have to have a destination. A destination just makes it seem like there's a stopping point. I love what Mark says about having nothing but the present or the moment. So all I want with Hiker is as many present moments as possible. No destination- just to share moments and experience life together. If we get to the end of one of our lives and realize that we'd spent it all together, then that's all we could ask for. :-)
Until then- it's just moment by moment.
I know..as I get a kick out of reading how Hiker brings ice cream and then it probably sits there and melts as you two never get through a movie or whole sports game...I love it!
I have to correct you on this one. We love the ice cream more than each other I guess- because we ALWAYS finish the ice cream before we start on each other! LOL
I bought Hiker a t-shirt a couple of years ago that said "Powered by Ice Cream" on it- because he literally lives for ice cream! We'd both be HUGE people if we didn't just keep on working out.
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
LOL!! Ice cream- the afrodisiac! Geez...what flavor do you guys GET that sends you flying into the bedroom?? hehe.
No- you did not muddy the waters! I am in the same camp as you and mark in the "live in the moment"...even though I sometimes start to look down the path. I've got a analytical brain that absorbs researchy kind of stuff (like the love phases and what to expect) so I start thinking too much sometimes.
I so agree with "no destination". I am happy doing this also right now! I love hearing reminders of how that works for others like you and Hiker :o)
Pacific...strolling through the ice cream isle in seach of the love flavor..yum!
Hi Pac,
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