I think it is so hard to find the "right one" that I do not want to use age as a filter. I dated someone 14 yrs younger and 6 yrs older than me. I find it challenging to find ANYone on the same page as me and to co-create a long lasting relationship.
I look to women's appearances and lifestyle (kids same age, retired or not, likes to travel or not, etc.) more so than age.
For me it would be about fitness and lifestyle. I would rather have someone a little older who is fit than someone who is younger and not fit. So I would probably have an acceptable age range of 9 years in either direction. But as you know, lifeguard is the same age and I find that quite good. We are on the same page with many things in our lives. We had a long talk today about our childhood, our kids and our parents.
I am young, 26. I've only ever dated guys my age when I was in high school, and even then they were typically 3-4 years older, which was the largest age range socially acceptable at those ages.
My parents are young- my father's 45- and roughly the same age. I think for me, I couldn't comfortably be in a long term relationship with someone older than my dad- although I have been on dates with men who were older.
For me, I think because of my lifestyle and the fact that I had two kids VERY young, men my age seem incredibly immature and irresponsible.
My SO is 9 years older than I am, and only 10 years younger than my father. However, I don't really ever even notice the age difference.
I also know that in time, that may change. However, my father was diagnosed with cancer at 41, and now needs constant care. He's incredibly young, so I think I watched that and over the last four years have definitely changed my opinion of what was right for me.
Watching my parents- who've been together since they were very young teens- made me realize that nothing is ever guaranteed. They could have another 30 years together, or it could all be gone tomorrow. I'd just as soon live for today than worry about tomorrow.
I guess in all of my rambling what I'm trying to say is that I enjoy living in the moment, and I've seen firsthand how adaptable people are when they are with the one they love. Even after all this time, my parents wouldn't trade their relationship for anything, no matter how hard it is or will get.
Moody, determined to make lemonade if life hands her lemons
There is no guarantees about anyone's future health. But if it was to decline and one or the other needed care, wouldn't it be better that we had someone to lean on and share it with, rather than going through it all alone? I think I'd rather live for the moment too- but also be aware of our mortality, and know that we would be committed enough to stay if things got tough.
Hugs about your Dad- but I'm glad he doesn't have to go through any of it alone.
~shrimpy, who seems to be hanging on the board all day today
I absolutely agree, you just say it better than I did. I guess what I was trying to say before my thought got lost was that I would want what my parents have- the total dedication and commitment in joy and in sorrow- without question until death do them part.
Oddly enough, my maternal grandmother's death was a huge turning point in my marriage. I knew it was failing before she died, and we had been to counseling. However, the way my ex reacted when she died showed me that he absolutely wouldn't be able to be a caregiver for ANYONE- especially me or my children, should the need arise.
She died in October, we split for good less than a month later. I simply knew I couldn't expect him to be supportive, and ended the farce that was our relationship.
OMG Moody- that is just plain weird! It was just like that for me and my ex, about 6 yrs ago. I was already having marriage problems with him, but when I came home (with the kids) to visit my parents right after Christmas, and my Grandma passed away before we left to go back home, I just had NO feelings like I needed him here to help me through it. He offered to come up and be here, but I told him not to. It was like a big sign to me, that I didn't need him, or want him during that sad time.
And then when I got home after the funeral and everything (arrived an hour earlier than planned), I found his co-worker girlfriend at our house (and then she quickly left without even saying anything to me)- and I knew then that it was OVER. I didn't even want to work on it anymore. Too many strikes and I wanted OUT! He'd lied one too many times and I knew I no longer needed him, even when things were tough.
And then to see all that my parents went through as my mom's health declined... I knew THAT was the type of strong commitment I wanted, and I wouldn't settle for anything less than that. A partnership where it really WAS 'til death do us part'- just like you said, Moody. THAT is what I want, and that would be what I would need, if it were my health that declined first in a partnership. And if I wasn't ready to take care of the man that very same way, I wouldn't even get married to him.
These issues are all so far in the future- but yet it's still relevant today, I think.
As some of you know, I am a cancer survivor and I think this was even before Judy's time, but I was dumped on the door step by a X fiance on the day of my diagnosis, only two days after he announced his engagement to me at his families party in Ireland. "I'm sorry that is to heavy for me Catherine ,you'll have to do this alone." I was 30. Maybe one of the reasons I have dated the way I've dated and trusted almost no one. It goes back to my two cents that it can happen at any time. I am SURE my XF didn't think it was going to happen to me at that time. I survived it though. Thats because I'm tough as nails. ;-) My X husband would have dropped me at a moments notice too. However, who ever I commit myself too, if it were the other way around, I would give my heart and soul in care, regardless of my feelings. Maybe it's the experience of my own fear and going at it alone or maybe because I am a giver. Vice versa, I expect the same. I know what if feels like and it is very scary. For me, two years of scary.
So yes, I may joke about it, but I know first hand what it feels like to be on cloud 100 and in the next moment facing the grim reaper.
Hoping that if it happens again, someone will be holding my hand the second time around.
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I think it is so hard to find the "right one" that I do not want to use age as a filter. I dated someone 14 yrs younger and 6 yrs older than me. I find it challenging to find ANYone on the same page as me and to co-create a long lasting relationship.
I look to women's appearances and lifestyle (kids same age, retired or not, likes to travel or not, etc.) more so than age.
Mark who just turned 54
I am young, 26. I've only ever dated guys my age when I was in high school, and even then they were typically 3-4 years older, which was the largest age range socially acceptable at those ages.
My parents are young- my father's 45- and roughly the same age. I think for me, I couldn't comfortably be in a long term relationship with someone older than my dad- although I have been on dates with men who were older.
For me, I think because of my lifestyle and the fact that I had two kids VERY young, men my age seem incredibly immature and irresponsible.
My SO is 9 years older than I am, and only 10 years younger than my father. However, I don't really ever even notice the age difference.
I also know that in time, that may change. However, my father was diagnosed with cancer at 41, and now needs constant care. He's incredibly young, so I think I watched that and over the last four years have definitely changed my opinion of what was right for me.
Watching my parents- who've been together since they were very young teens- made me realize that nothing is ever guaranteed. They could have another 30 years together, or it could all be gone tomorrow. I'd just as soon live for today than worry about tomorrow.
I guess in all of my rambling what I'm trying to say is that I enjoy living in the moment, and I've seen firsthand how adaptable people are when they are with the one they love. Even after all this time, my parents wouldn't trade their relationship for anything, no matter how hard it is or will get.
Moody, determined to make lemonade if life hands her lemons
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I so totally agree, Moody!
There is no guarantees about anyone's future health. But if it was to decline and one or the other needed care, wouldn't it be better that we had someone to lean on and share it with, rather than going through it all alone? I think I'd rather live for the moment too- but also be aware of our mortality, and know that we would be committed enough to stay if things got tough.
Hugs about your Dad- but I'm glad he doesn't have to go through any of it alone.
~shrimpy, who seems to be hanging on the board all day today
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
I absolutely agree, you just say it better than I did. I guess what I was trying to say before my thought got lost was that I would want what my parents have- the total dedication and commitment in joy and in sorrow- without question until death do them part.
Oddly enough, my maternal grandmother's death was a huge turning point in my marriage. I knew it was failing before she died, and we had been to counseling. However, the way my ex reacted when she died showed me that he absolutely wouldn't be able to be a caregiver for ANYONE- especially me or my children, should the need arise.
She died in October, we split for good less than a month later. I simply knew I couldn't expect him to be supportive, and ended the farce that was our relationship.
Moody, entirely too introspective now
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OMG Moody- that is just plain weird! It was just like that for me and my ex, about 6 yrs ago. I was already having marriage problems with him, but when I came home (with the kids) to visit my parents right after Christmas, and my Grandma passed away before we left to go back home, I just had NO feelings like I needed him here to help me through it. He offered to come up and be here, but I told him not to. It was like a big sign to me, that I didn't need him, or want him during that sad time.
And then when I got home after the funeral and everything (arrived an hour earlier than planned), I found his co-worker girlfriend at our house (and then she quickly left without even saying anything to me)- and I knew then that it was OVER. I didn't even want to work on it anymore. Too many strikes and I wanted OUT! He'd lied one too many times and I knew I no longer needed him, even when things were tough.
And then to see all that my parents went through as my mom's health declined... I knew THAT was the type of strong commitment I wanted, and I wouldn't settle for anything less than that. A partnership where it really WAS 'til death do us part'- just like you said, Moody. THAT is what I want, and that would be what I would need, if it were my health that declined first in a partnership. And if I wasn't ready to take care of the man that very same way, I wouldn't even get married to him.
These issues are all so far in the future- but yet it's still relevant today, I think.
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
As some of you know, I am a cancer survivor and I think this was even before Judy's time, but I was dumped on the door step by a X fiance on the day of my diagnosis, only two days after he announced his engagement to me at his families party in Ireland. "I'm sorry that is to heavy for me Catherine ,you'll have to do this alone." I was 30. Maybe one of the reasons I have dated the way I've dated and trusted almost no one.
It goes back to my two cents that it can happen at any time. I am SURE my XF didn't think it was going to happen to me at that time. I survived it though. Thats because I'm tough as nails. ;-) My X husband would have dropped me at a moments notice too.
However, who ever I commit myself too, if it were the other way around, I would give my heart and soul in care, regardless of my feelings. Maybe it's the experience of my own fear and going at it alone or maybe because I am a giver. Vice versa, I expect the same. I know what if feels like and it is very scary. For me, two years of scary.
So yes, I may joke about it, but I know first hand what it feels like to be on cloud 100 and in the next moment facing the grim reaper.
Hoping that if it happens again, someone will be holding my hand the second time around.
Well ... that was a LOT to digest! lol
For me, my OWN biological clock is ticking away. I have a 7 yr old, I will be 40 this Dec & i would love to have one more baby. So ....
I casually date a 29 yr old. CASUALLY. No furture. Would i be serious with him if we
That DOES suck! But we still have little blue pills to feed them, right?
LOL
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