Alone but OK
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 12-27-2005 - 5:14pm |
I hope everyone had a great Christmas. The time I spent with my twins was wonderful -- probably the best Christmas I can remember.
For the first time ever, I was alone for Christmas Eve. My family celebrates Christmas on Christmas Day; but I always had plans with friends or even my sister would invite me over to her house with her inlaws in the past so I was never alone. For the past two years, I went out to dinner with one of my girlfriends. She was supposed to come to my house for dinner, but she cancelled on me at the last minute. So, Saturday morning I found myself alone. At first I was a little upset, but then I just made the best of it. My house was trashed and as usual, I was running behind, so I made the most of my time. I cleaned my house; finished wrapping my presents; and put decorations up in my house. I had my tree up before, but it was not decorated, so I put lights, garland and bows on my tree. I left the ornaments off so the kids could do it when they got home. They got home around 7:30, and things were even better after that. They loved the way the house looked. They decorated the tree. A friend of mine stopped over, and they thought that was nice. Then we read stories and off to bed they went.
For the most part, the holidays are great, but they are stressful, and I have to watch myself so that I don't get overwhelmed and stressed out. I drove my kids to their dads on Thursday night. While I was driving back home I thought about this time last year and how right before Christmas last year Mark called me out of the blue after 5 months and asked me to take him back; and then I saw him the day before Christmas last year, and how great I thought the second time around was going to be. What a difference a year makes! I couldn't help but think about it. I had been under a lot of stress at work and home last week and I had my period; and the combination of the two brought out an outbreak of my std -- so how could I not think about the idiot who gave it to me. Thankfully, I was sad only for a short time. I thought about my kids and what I needed to do to give them a great Christmas, and then I put everything else out of my mind. Anyway, I'm pretty proud of myself -- I managed to not get all depressed about Mark and about my being by myself.
The time I spent with my kids this Christmas was wonderful; the time with my family -- not so wonderful, but I really don't want to talk about it.
A couple of weeks ago, on a Friday night, I had two guys that asked me out for the same night. That's never happened to me ever in my whole life. It seems like guys are coming out of the woodwork right now, which also has never happened to me before; but I don't have much interest in them, except for one guy. I haven't posted about him because: 1) I've been hurt too many times in the past to get too excited about anybody - it's just not worth the pain; 2) I have a hugh wall up right now, and it will have to come down over time and brick by brick; and 3) I only went on one date with him but we talk on the phone almost every night. I guess you could say there is "potential" there -- but I even hate to say that so as not to jinx myself. We live about an hour from each other, which I actually like. He can't pop over whenever, and I get my time and my space; I guess I'm just wierd that way.
My dd is getting her tonsils out on Thursday, so we will be taking it easy for the New Year. I hope everyone enjoyed their Christmas with their kids as much as I did with mine.
Donna

Donna,
This post is so positive - I really love your update. And I especially love how you decided to use your time wisely and take control of your actions instead of going into that dark hole we all like to visit where you just feel sorry for yourself and be sad instead of making something good with the time.
You are doing so wonderful - good things are yet to come, I promise!! Keep us posted on this new date!!
All the best!! I hope and all goes well and back to normal quickly and easily with the tonsils.
One day at a time is all you can do. I hope that 2006 treats you a whole lot better!
Take care, and good luck with everything.
Donna,
I wish I could be as strong as you are right now. While our situations are somewhat different, just reading your post, hearing the positive sound of it, and feeling the strength that you have is such an inspiration to me.
Happy New Year (hope everything goes well with your dd),
Kait