Am I asking too much?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2006
Am I asking too much?
6
Wed, 04-09-2008 - 5:32pm

Okay, I met this gentleman online about two months ago. We seemed to be getting along pretty well until very recently.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Wed, 04-09-2008 - 5:49pm

Hello and welcome to the board, Sensie.


First of all, I commend you for communicating your feelings in the relationship and owning them. You never said "hey- you have to stop dating other women"..from what I gather you simply said that YOU choose to date in a "not seeing anyone else" way. I totally get that, and I'm the same way. I would not waste my time dating someone who was dating around.


Does he have kids? A father might understand better why we look for more committed dates- we just are not going to subject or kids and our lives with our kids to uncommitted and wishy washy men.


I guess if I was you, I would ask him for a heart to heart chat. No blaming or guilting, just a really honest dialogue. I'd tell him that you sense his pulling away after telling him what you told him. It obviously made him uncomfortable, and if you see anything in him that might be salvageable, I would ask him to tell you what makes him uncomfortable. He needs top be honest and if he says he still wants to date others, then let him go do that but don't wait around. He has that right but most importatly, you have the right to move on.


Do you think he would be open to talking honestly?

~Pacific~
~Pacific~
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 04-09-2008 - 5:51pm

I think that relationships are self selecting which means that if it does not work out then there is a good reason.


You thinking of being "used" is playing the victim.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Wed, 04-09-2008 - 6:01pm
I wouldn't confront him about the issue and DON'T call him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Wed, 04-09-2008 - 9:32pm

Welcome to the board.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2008
Wed, 04-09-2008 - 9:43pm

I agree with Mark.

It's okay to jump...you have wings! 

To move forward...you have to stop looking back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 04-10-2008 - 11:09am
Welcome to the board Sensie - I must say I agree with Alison. And I have had to learn this lesson the hard way. I would not want to be intimate with someone who doesn't want to date me exclusively and I would have the talk first. It sounds like you were intimate and assumed he would want to be with you - but does not - so now I would NEXT him - or at the very least as isysmoon says - see what he does and if he is not that into you then NEXT him. You deserve someone who really wants to be with you - maybe take the time to get to know him better and communicate before being intimate? That always leads to less confusion and better decisions - although much easier said than done. Good luck and keep us posted!