Am I being over analytical?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2004
Am I being over analytical?
4
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 4:49pm

Ok so the other parent that I'm seeing right now....the guy; anyway we've been seeing each other for about a month. It's not serious but up to now it's just been us. (meaning neither of us have been seeing anyone else) Oh did I mention he's also my next door neighbor. Anyway we have great chemistry, physically and mentally, and I know him very well because we were good friends for about a year and a half before we started seeing each other. (very close friends)

So last week we ended up having a couple of serious, where we stand, relationship type talks. Everything was cool where we left it. Or so I thought. (it might be I might be nuts)

So friday night I was on the phone with him. I had my kid, and he didn't have his. (I didn't know this until we ended up on the phone) I was like oh well do you want to come over and hang out for a while. He was like oh well I would love to but I'm on my way out and if I come over I'll never leave in time. Can I take a raincheck? I was like ok I guess. (I was disappointed.) I was like well watchya doing? Oh I'm going to a friends house. That's all he would say. He came up for a few minutes before he left and we chit-chatted but he would never reveal where he was going or with whom. It was just "a friends house." Every other time in the past, he's told me where he was going or whose house he was going too. So am I being neurotic by assuming he had plans with another girl?

I've never given thought to him dating someone else because I know how he is with dating. He's not the date three women at once type. (I met him when I was still engaged so he had nothing to gain by telling me things like this.) He also knows I'm not the type that dates more than one person at a time. Also, he hates things complicated and there's nothing more complicated than dating numerous women at once. And no we're not "serious."

So what do I do? Do I ask him? I'm afraid if I ask him he'll get ticked off. Assuming I'm being paranoid) We ended up hanging out all day saturday and he didn't say anything about where he went then either. He left my place late friday like 9:30ish and I went down to my car around 2am and he was home (we have assigned parking next to each other I wasn't hunting him)

Up until now he's been very good. For instance when we ordered pizza saturday night (for his kids, my kid, and both of us) he insisted on paying for it. But other than that when he says he'll call he does, if we have plans he always calls to confirm, if I need something he is always more than willing to help.

So what do I do? This is making me nuts. Truthfully it's really not my business. Then again it could be him pulling away for some reason.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 9:02pm

I think that if you have the "are we exclusive and where are we going" talk then you won't be bothered so much by this. I think it is important to have this talk before having sex if you can, but if you can't you can ask now.

You will really have to wait and see what happens over time - that always tells you more than just looking at one event.

I think it is okay if he goes out on his own - and remember you can do that too - it is good if you do other things besides see him and be with your kids.

Keep us posted - it is kind of fun that he was your neighbor and that you were friends first. Just make sure you are not a friend or neighbor with benefits!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 9:29pm

Nola,


You mentioned that you had some relationship talks last week, but didn't really outline what was said.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2004
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 5:13pm
We somewhat had the discussion of where this is going. Neither of us are seeing anyone else. (Well that's what was said at the time.) And we wanted this to be a relationship but we both agreed to take things slow. (my last two serious relationships moved really fast and ended really bad so slow is good for me) But I did ask him if it was a sex thing and he said absolutely not and basically got offended. I know him well enough to know he wasn't lying. I think I was being a bit overly paranoid. I am supposed to cook for him this friday night. (not sure what possessed me to offer that but I can't recant now) However I think we'll just hang at my house and watch a movie and eat. We have gone out on real dates in the past. I think we're both just figuring out how this thing is going to work. I am just now realizing how it can work...and the fact that our kids are friends and see us as "friends" will be an advantage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2005
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 1:43pm
It sounds great, just try and relax and have a good time.