Am I being selfish

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Am I being selfish
55
Sun, 02-03-2008 - 4:54am

So it's the weekend.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sun, 02-03-2008 - 12:28pm

It is a bummer when you feel like you are the only one who puts forth the effort to make time and it is not reciprocated.

You have never spoken this way before about him? Maybe he just needed his space. With the drive it puts pressure to spend a whole weekend and maybe he needed more time to himself? It would be better if he got organized and communicated in advance about this rather than make you drive over and wait around.

Perhaps you can take the tactic not to assume you will spend the whole weekend and have him make time and invite you? In other words, do not let yourself be taken for granted. I think it was Dr. Phil that said we train people how to treat us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 02-03-2008 - 12:48pm
(((hugs))) Its hard when "life" gets in the way. Im sorry all that happened - you have every right to feel slighted, but if he is usually not like that, I woudl chalk it up to a bad day

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Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-03-2008 - 1:46pm

I find what is deadly in a relationships are unspoken expectations. I think an Al-Anon saying is that Expectations are premeditated resentments.

It sounds that you were expecting BF to get back to you so both of you can get together for the weekend. It sounds that you were expecting him to be on the same page as you as far as time together, making effort in making the time, and what caring looks like.

Plus it sounds like you have a list of unexpressed resentments that have been building up.

So you can make up stories and judgments on whether he cares or not but that won’t get you a close and loving relationship where both of you are on the same page of understanding and what caring and loving looks like for each of you.

Mark





May your soul be at rest.


May your heart remain open.


May you realize your own true nature.


May you be healed.


May you be a source of healing for the world. - a zen prayer






iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Sun, 02-03-2008 - 3:10pm

I can relate to your post because I went through similar situations with my SO in the past.

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2008
Sun, 02-03-2008 - 5:59pm

Hi Isysmoon,


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Mon, 02-04-2008 - 11:27am

Thank you everyone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Mon, 02-04-2008 - 1:36pm
You are NOT stupid! Your feeling are valid, all feelings are. It's a learning thing and I believe every couple goes through it. It is a way to adjust to one another, and you both either come together over it or you move further apart.
~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Mon, 02-04-2008 - 1:46pm
Thank you pacific!
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Mon, 02-04-2008 - 1:53pm

I would have been FURIOUS. That happens to be my BIGGEST pet peeve! I absolutely cannot tolerate someone that wastes my time. Or makes me lose precious time that I could use elsewhere, doing something I enjoy. I would have totally flipped. Kudos for you for handling so well, because I would have flipped my lid.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Mon, 02-04-2008 - 1:58pm

Kat, I was furious.

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