Oh man, QB- I wouldn't have liked that, either!!! But I have to admit- I have called intermission "halftime" myself... and Hiker and I both understand where that would come from, as we both love football. He goes to the plays and concerts and symphonies and things- and not because I drag him- half the time, it's HIS idea to go! But I do think we both enjoy sitting in on a sports event more than a formal concert- though it's nice to enjoy and experience a little bit of all.
I'm thankful that no matter what we do, he always seems "present" and wants to be there. The only time I get the sense that he is itching to leave- is near the end, and it's because he tends to like leaving a hair early just to avoid the traffic rush when everyone DOES get out. But I've sort of trained in over the years- to wait until the events are OVER before getting up to leave. LOL (He gets antsy and wants to leave sports events a bit early too- so I know it's not just the formal concerts- it's the TRAFFIC)
I also think M should apologize for his behavior on that one. I'm glad though- that he isn't that way most of the time- or we'd all be telling you to drop him!
Hugs to isys and Cat and Pac-Sun too- I hear ya on the being angry about being mistreated or being taken for granted when it comes to your time. I have had moments of that with Hiker too... but lately I just find myself one of my zillions of projects and then I totally forget about him. I feel bad sometimes, too- that on some weekends, we might not have any specific planned, but agreed that we should do something over the weekend... but then he doesn't call or doesn't make any plans (and I don't have any specific
"His "See? Just in time" comment after making everyone in your row shuffle around to let you into your seats two seconds before Maestro raised his baton would have really lit my fireworks." (I am ditto on this with Soonee!! She always has a way with words!!)
I would be irritated with the late thing, the comments on the driving and the comment above for sure. Is he always this way or do you think it was just because of the opera - that he doesn't like it? Or maybe just being defensive since he could sense you were mad?
It sounds to me like opera and Superbowl on the same day are things that do not mix for sure. I bet you would have been better off to go with a friend and leave him there - maybe notes for next time? Or I guess do neither and pick something you both like? Not sure. Just rambling.
My hairdresser made me laugh the other day. He has been married for 25 years now. His wife is always late - she literally gets lost in her closet - and he loves to be on time. So, his workaround is that he leaves without her if she is not ready on time and they go in separate cars.
One of the things I do with my exh, who is CHRONICALLY LATE, is to fudge the time. If he needs to be here at 6 I say 5 and that way I am covered.
"Then the last straw was when we got to his house he asks if I mind waiting for him to change and giving him a lift over to his friend's house. (mind you I have my kids, he doesn't, so I need to rescue S16 from sitter duty)." - I would be mad at that, too. And I think your sarcastic comment is funny.
Keep us posted - sorry you had your special opera day ruined!!
Thanks for the response, Mark. As usual you have crystalyzed the issue. If one just does things that they'd rather not, just to make someone else happy, and then can't at least try to enjoy the event, it just ends up being better if you'd just said no to begin with. One thing M has yet to get past is this expectation that I'm going to go ballistic on him if he says no. I just won't expect him to go anymore, I've already invited a friend for the next opera, someone who really can't afford to go on her own and will really appreciate the performance. QB
Well, actually in spite of M fidgeting I enjoyed as much of the program as I saw. The performance of Dome epais, from Lakme (there was an airline commercial that used this duet, very lyrical) was sublime. And the baritone who performed a couple of arias from Rigoletto is awesome, he'll be performing that role next season, can't wait.
The micromanaging is something that is becoming a bit of a problem. It's not something that happens frequently, but it does happen more than I am comfortable with. I am going to have to have a discussion with M on that, just have to figure out how to make it not judgmental or confrontational.
After 30 years with a totally controlling and rather abusive X, I really have to watch I don't slip back into the too accommodating for my own good habit.
Shrimpy, Yeah, if M wasn't really great in the ways that are most important to me most of the time I'd be saying au revoir. There is this disconnect for us that speaks to the other thread on differences in education. Culturally, M is not very educated. He wasn't raised with music and art the way I was. We both come from middle class Great Lakes roots but had very different lifestyles. I was city, he was rural. He hasn't travelled nearly as much as I have. He tends to fall for women who have an art career and an appreciation for the arts, perhaps to make up for a perception that he missed something not having those things when he was young; but, I think he is somewhat insecure about his lack of knowledge in that area. So I just think I'll not put him in the situation where he feels out of his element anymore. I never expected the guy in my life to be into opera, it is not everyone's taste. PsychoBoy enjoyed it until he met OW. Then suddenly he was never available to go with me. She hates opera. Oh, I do like football, if the Browns were in the Superbowl this time, M and I would have been in Glendale seeing it live and in person. But I did ask early enough that he could have said no and I could have asked someone else. He insisted he'd be glad to go and there'd be time to do both things. QB
Oh my gosh! I would have been furious. I know I can be awfully picky and I know I get condemned for my actions of being to quick to cut off the circulation on a man, but when I feel like someone is taking advantage of me, then I just can't keep quiet. I am such a NICE person. I mean a really NICE person and that is what is so bad about it. I do my best and then I often get treated like a doormat for being so nice. I just don't get it and so when someone does something like wastes my time, as in:
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He was rude.
ROTFL!!! Intermission = Halftime?!!!
HEYYYYYYY... Mark does NOT analyze (or really give advice).
Mark lends observations and his own perceptions as well as share his experiences related to the topic at hand.
BTW LOVE THAT "late" comment!!!
Oh man, QB- I wouldn't have liked that, either!!! But I have to admit- I have called intermission "halftime" myself... and Hiker and I both understand where that would come from, as we both love football. He goes to the plays and concerts and symphonies and things- and not because I drag him- half the time, it's HIS idea to go! But I do think we both enjoy sitting in on a sports event more than a formal concert- though it's nice to enjoy and experience a little bit of all.
I'm thankful that no matter what we do, he always seems "present" and wants to be there. The only time I get the sense that he is itching to leave- is near the end, and it's because he tends to like leaving a hair early just to avoid the traffic rush when everyone DOES get out. But I've sort of trained in over the years- to wait until the events are OVER before getting up to leave. LOL (He gets antsy and wants to leave sports events a bit early too- so I know it's not just the formal concerts- it's the TRAFFIC)
I also think M should apologize for his behavior on that one. I'm glad though- that he isn't that way most of the time- or we'd all be telling you to drop him!
Hugs to isys and Cat and Pac-Sun too- I hear ya on the being angry about being mistreated or being taken for granted when it comes to your time. I have had moments of that with Hiker too... but lately I just find myself one of my zillions of projects and then I totally forget about him. I feel bad sometimes, too- that on some weekends, we might not have any specific planned, but agreed that we should do something over the weekend... but then he doesn't call or doesn't make any plans (and I don't have any specific
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
OMG.
"His "See? Just in time" comment after making everyone in your row shuffle around to let you into your seats two seconds before Maestro raised his baton would have really lit my fireworks." (I am ditto on this with Soonee!! She always has a way with words!!)
I would be irritated with the late thing, the comments on the driving and the comment above for sure. Is he always this way or do you think it was just because of the opera - that he doesn't like it? Or maybe just being defensive since he could sense you were mad?
It sounds to me like opera and Superbowl on the same day are things that do not mix for sure. I bet you would have been better off to go with a friend and leave him there - maybe notes for next time? Or I guess do neither and pick something you both like? Not sure. Just rambling.
My hairdresser made me laugh the other day. He has been married for 25 years now. His wife is always late - she literally gets lost in her closet - and he loves to be on time. So, his workaround is that he leaves without her if she is not ready on time and they go in separate cars.
One of the things I do with my exh, who is CHRONICALLY LATE, is to fudge the time. If he needs to be here at 6 I say 5 and that way I am covered.
"Then the last straw was when we got to his house he asks if I mind waiting for him to change and giving him a lift over to his friend's house. (mind you I have my kids, he doesn't, so I need to rescue S16 from sitter duty)."
- I would be mad at that, too. And I think your sarcastic comment is funny.
Keep us posted - sorry you had your special opera day ruined!!
QB
Well, actually in spite of M fidgeting I enjoyed as much of the program as I saw. The performance of Dome epais, from Lakme (there was an airline commercial that used this duet, very lyrical) was sublime. And the baritone who performed a couple of arias from Rigoletto is awesome, he'll be performing that role next season, can't wait.
The micromanaging is something that is becoming a bit of a problem. It's not something that happens frequently, but it does happen more than I am comfortable with. I am going to have to have a discussion with M on that, just have to figure out how to make it not judgmental or confrontational.
After 30 years with a totally controlling and rather abusive X, I really have to watch I don't slip back into the too accommodating for my own good habit.
QB
Yeah, if M wasn't really great in the ways that are most important to me most of the time I'd be saying au revoir. There is this disconnect for us that speaks to the other thread on differences in education. Culturally, M is not very educated. He wasn't raised with music and art the way I was. We both come from middle class Great Lakes roots but had very different lifestyles. I was city, he was rural. He hasn't travelled nearly as much as I have. He tends to fall for women who have an art career and an appreciation for the arts, perhaps to make up for a perception that he missed something not having those things when he was young; but, I think he is somewhat insecure about his lack of knowledge in that area.
So I just think I'll not put him in the situation where he feels out of his element anymore. I never expected the guy in my life to be into opera, it is not everyone's taste. PsychoBoy enjoyed it until he met OW. Then suddenly he was never available to go with me. She hates opera.
Oh, I do like football, if the Browns were in the Superbowl this time, M and I would have been in Glendale seeing it live and in person. But I did ask early enough that he could have said no and I could have asked someone else. He insisted he'd be glad to go and there'd be time to do both things.
QB
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