I just got through your portion of this thread and I just have to respond. I would have been unwilling to sit with him at all at that theatre so I hope he does apologize. I am a violinist who faces this type of thing from the other side and it is very offputting to say the least. I have a method of dealing with late comers. I put my violin up as I see them and then back down slowly while I watch them get seated, eyes following them blatantly. I want my audience to know why I am starting late so that it doesnt get blamed on the management, the hall, myself, or my pianist. It isnt fair to the artists to be ready to play and then told to wait, ready and then stalled, oops someone is still getting seated etc etc. - we are already nervous enough! And when people make me late attending a concert, I am too embarrassed to go in like that and wont because I feel like it puts me in a whole different class of people who just simply dont have enough respect for the arts or just dont know better. Maybe if you explained it from an artists point of you also he might think twice if you ever run into this again? My bf also tells me sometimes which way to go or where to park. I notice he does this when he is upset about someone or something. I think he does it to feel control over something and it relieves him somehow but it is super annoying - especially since he doesnt have a US drivers license!! I am always the one driving. The only problem is that I have ABSOLUTELY no sense of direction. I think I might actually be disabled in this dept. so I do need his help sometimes. Anyhow, being micromanaged - not fun! I hope you guys have a fruitful discussion. It does seem as if you do a lot of other fun things together and are very well suited otherwise!
Yeah, it was too much for the day, should have known better. Totally the expectations and reality disconnect. And I just don't feel it is my place to tell him proper theater etiquette so I will take my Mom, or my D3 or a friend to the opera. I've already invited a friend from school for the next one.
But still, I do have to address the micromanaging issue. It has cropped up and offended me before.
PsychoBoy was chronically, deliberately, premeditatedly late. My family would invite us an hour early knowing there'd at least be a chance we'd be on time then. We'd miss flights, we were always climbing over other people in theaters ( I just got aisle seats to solve that) and I was always looking like I'd been stood up when we'd agree to meet for dinner after work. He truly believes other people SHOULD have to wait for him. I started bringing a book everywhere so I had something to do and not get pissed about having to wait for him. He made fun of that habit. And I did start leaving without him. Now when he isn't home at the time I am supposed to pick up the kids from his house I have my book, but I also remind him with a phone call he has 15 min before I call the sheriff and report him withholding custody. Only had to follow through on that once, he is NEVER more than 15 min late now.
So yeah, I am sure it is baggage from that relationship that got me annoyed to start with. M is late because he has the too many things and poor sense of how long things take problem. He was early for the big Masked Ball, so he does know how to be on time.
We'll have to have a discussion about this so that we both are on the same page as to what exactly happened there. QB
I do appreciate your side of the issue having briefly been on that side myself (I was a singularly awful violinist in elementary-high school) and having my X as a musician (bass and guitar) for an avocation, and our boys being very talented musicians (piano, trombone S16 and piano, percussion , briefly violin S19). I am always early to the theater partly because I hate the running to my seats, partly because I choose my seats for both good acoustics and good sight lines so I'm always in the middle of the row somewhere, and most importantly out of respect for the performers. M doesn't get it. He wasn't raised with this stuff and I do think he feels out of place and truly does not know the expectations.
The micromanaging my driving is a whole other ball o wax. I have a great sense of direction and I am a good driver. I don't know what is behind that behavior, but it has to stop. Just bugs me too much.
"but lately I just find myself one of my zillions of projects and then I totally forget about him. I feel bad sometimes, too- that on some weekends, but lately I just find myself one of my zillions of projects and then I totally forget about him. I feel bad sometimes, too- that on some weekends, but lately I just find myself one of my zillions of projects and then I totally forget about him. I feel bad sometimes, too- that on some weekends,"
"Usually when that happens, I just plan on camping out with my own stuff (and the kids) for the weekend and when he suggests something, I turn him down- because I'm already busy. Even if it's busy doing practically nothing... it's just that I do enjoy a weekend when I don't have to do the date thing (getting the kids dropped off for babysitting, or arranging babysitting)- and can just camp out at home and not DO anything in particular, or GO anywhere!
Is that bad, that I feel that way? I don't think so... but sometimes I feel guilty that I can miss a weekend with Hiker- knowing that he probably doesn't have anything planned at home and will be bored... but geez- we don't HAVE to do something every weekend, do we? lol Anyway- usually when we end up "missing a weekend" because of poor planning... he ends up being MUCH more proactive in trying to call earlier in the week and making more specific plans! (I got him trained... hehe) so it works out well. ;-)
If anything... it seems like I'm more likely to take HIM for granted than he is about me... "
BINGO - you are a winner. I think that is the ticket - keep busy, train them to plan ahead, and make them miss you!! Guys are not as "wanting quality time to connect/bond, plan ahead" and that sort of thing as we are. And I do not believe it is ever pretty for a girl to beg for time or turn everything upside down at the last minute to be with them.
I like the schedule too, one week on and one week off is just too long for me--they like knowing where they are on what day--teachers never get it--it never fails they send the report card home on Dad's night and mail it to dad--I always have to call and request a copy of drill them until they remember to bring one to me!
I sent countryboy an email letting him know that I am looking forward to tomorrow and all that!
One of the reasons a lot of my relationships DON'T work, is because the men in my life have a really hard time dealing with the fact that I'm a mom. They say, I'm soooo different, because I never talk about my kids and I never act as if I even have kids. But as soon as I am with my children, I'm totally different, because then I'm a REAL mom MOM. They say the difference blows their mind and they have a hard time adjusting. Isn't that weird?
I havel always known that about me, because all my
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My bf also tells me sometimes which way to go or where to park. I notice he does this when he is upset about someone or something. I think he does it to feel control over something and it relieves him somehow but it is super annoying - especially since he doesnt have a US drivers license!! I am always the one driving. The only problem is that I have ABSOLUTELY no sense of direction. I think I might actually be disabled in this dept. so I do need his help sometimes. Anyhow, being micromanaged - not fun!
I hope you guys have a fruitful discussion. It does seem as if you do a lot of other fun things together and are very well suited otherwise!
Yeah, it was too much for the day, should have known better. Totally the expectations and reality disconnect. And I just don't feel it is my place to tell him proper theater etiquette so I will take my Mom, or my D3 or a friend to the opera. I've already invited a friend from school for the next one.
But still, I do have to address the micromanaging issue. It has cropped up and offended me before.
PsychoBoy was chronically, deliberately, premeditatedly late. My family would invite us an hour early knowing there'd at least be a chance we'd be on time then. We'd miss flights, we were always climbing over other people in theaters ( I just got aisle seats to solve that) and I was always looking like I'd been stood up when we'd agree to meet for dinner after work. He truly believes other people SHOULD have to wait for him. I started bringing a book everywhere so I had something to do and not get pissed about having to wait for him. He made fun of that habit. And I did start leaving without him. Now when he isn't home at the time I am supposed to pick up the kids from his house I have my book, but I also remind him with a phone call he has 15 min before I call the sheriff and report him withholding custody. Only had to follow through on that once, he is NEVER more than 15 min late now.
So yeah, I am sure it is baggage from that relationship that got me annoyed to start with. M is late because he has the too many things and poor sense of how long things take problem. He was early for the big Masked Ball, so he does know how to be on time.
We'll have to have a discussion about this so that we both are on the same page as to what exactly happened there.
QB
I do appreciate your side of the issue having briefly been on that side myself (I was a singularly awful violinist in elementary-high school) and having my X as a musician (bass and guitar) for an avocation, and our boys being very talented musicians (piano, trombone S16 and piano, percussion , briefly violin S19). I am always early to the theater partly because I hate the running to my seats, partly because I choose my seats for both good acoustics and good sight lines so I'm always in the middle of the row somewhere, and most importantly out of respect for the performers. M doesn't get it. He wasn't raised with this stuff and I do think he feels out of place and truly does not know the expectations.
The micromanaging my driving is a whole other ball o wax. I have a great sense of direction and I am a good driver. I don't know what is behind that behavior, but it has to stop. Just bugs me too much.
QB
"but lately I just find myself one of my zillions of projects and then I totally forget about him. I feel bad sometimes, too- that on some weekends, but lately I just find myself one of my zillions of projects and then I totally forget about him. I feel bad sometimes, too- that on some weekends, but lately I just find myself one of my zillions of projects and then I totally forget about him. I feel bad sometimes, too- that on some weekends,"
Shrimpy, I'm that way too on my kid weekends.
This question may be slightly off topic but I am curious!
April
"Usually when that happens, I just plan on camping out with my own stuff (and the kids) for the weekend and when he suggests something, I turn him down- because I'm already busy. Even if it's busy doing practically nothing... it's just that I do enjoy a weekend when I don't have to do the date thing (getting the kids dropped off for babysitting, or arranging babysitting)- and can just camp out at home and not DO anything in particular, or GO anywhere!
Is that bad, that I feel that way? I don't think so... but sometimes I feel guilty that I can miss a weekend with Hiker- knowing that he probably doesn't have anything planned at home and will be bored... but geez- we don't HAVE to do something every weekend, do we? lol Anyway- usually when we end up "missing a weekend" because of poor planning... he ends up being MUCH more proactive in trying to call earlier in the week and making more specific plans! (I got him trained... hehe) so it works out well. ;-)
If anything... it seems like I'm more likely to take HIM for granted than he is about me... "
BINGO - you are a winner. I think that is the ticket - keep busy, train them to plan ahead, and make them miss you!! Guys are not as "wanting quality time to connect/bond, plan ahead" and that sort of thing as we are. And I do not believe it is ever pretty for a girl to beg for time or turn everything upside down at the last minute to be with them.
Your childcare schedule sounds identical to mine.
I like the schedule too, one week on and one week off is just too long for me--they like knowing where they are on what day--teachers never get it--it never fails they send the report card home on Dad's night and mail it to dad--I always have to call and request a copy of drill them until they remember to bring one to me!
I sent countryboy an email letting him know that I am looking forward to tomorrow and all that!
April
One of the reasons a lot of my relationships DON'T work, is because the men in my life have a really hard time dealing with the fact that I'm a mom. They say, I'm soooo different, because I never talk about my kids and I never act as if I even have kids. But as soon as I am with my children, I'm totally different, because then I'm a REAL mom MOM. They say the difference blows their mind and they have a hard time adjusting. Isn't that weird?
I havel always known that about me, because all my
I agree.... When I'm out with grown-ups, I want to be just a grown-up, not
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