Am I his diamond?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2005
Am I his diamond?
24
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 2:22am
DJ was my friend for few months then we started dating each other. It's been about 6 months and we get along great, sex is awesome, and we connect emotionally. But I am still not considered his girlfriend. He's 33, never been married and I am 38, divorced with 3 boys, 10, 6, and 3. He's only had 2 serious relationships and they lasted 3-4 years. He says it's hard for him to commit to a relationship because he take it very seriously once he commit. I know we have a strong attraction but I want more than casual dating with great sex... He wants me to date other people if I want but doesn't want me to have sex with other men. He says I am his diamond but if I am, why doesn't he want more with me?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 12:30pm

I went thru this. But the guy I knew I belonged with, I didn't have sex with til I was ready to be with just him. I dated guys that were bad for me and slept with them because of low self-esteem. I had recently been divorced and was scared to commit. I met my now husband just 3 months after my bitter divorce and I was treated horribly by my ex. He ridiculed me for everything and eventually cheated with a co-worker. I needed validation of being sexy and desirable so I just casually dated. Not saying this guy is feeling like that necessarily, but he seems to be afraid of committment and it would be wise of you not to push if you feel like he's the one. But you have to decide if he's worth the wait. Go out and have fun in the meantime and just see each other casually. He will eventually decide one way or the other. I did.....and made the right choice.

Best of Luck!

Mel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2004
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 9:07pm

Hash19~

I have been reading the posts so far and had to comment as well. I know that alot of them may seem harsh, but they all mean well and probably speak the truth, although they, nor I have no way of knowing exactly your situation or what is the best thing to do for the future. You have to be the one to make that decision for you and your children.

I can only say that you will need to think about it alot before making a final decision and be ready to live with it. I can share with you my experience in a similar type of situation as you have described.... I met a great guy whom I had sooo much fun with and we had many common interests, same friends, wonderful sex, and he was kind to me when I really needed it. I was 23 at the time and he was 29. He had been through a bad divorce and didn't want or like the sound of any kind of committment. He told me that he did care about me and that he didn't want me to see anyone else, have sex w/ them, etc. I told him the same as I did care for him too over time. We dated for almost a yr. and I questioned him about where our relationship was going, he basically said wherever it would take us, he didn't know for sure. He didn't really like to define things and label them(or so he told me at the time)I accepted this for about a yr. and we went on spending lots ot time together, until one day he called me up on a Sat. night and told me not to call him that night because he had a date with another woman. My heart sank and I felt sick. I didn't know what to do, I told him the next day of what I wanted and if he didn't accept it, then we were done. He sd ok and hung up the phone. I don't regret it, because I did learn alot from the relationship and it did help me to grow. I can just think of alot of ways that I wish it would have ended instead of how it did. I have talked to him many times since then, actually still do talk to him, but are paths have only crossed a few times since that day. I will never be able to forgive him for how much he hurt me that day.

When you do decide to make your decision about what to do, just be sure that you are sure of it and can live with it in your future. Also consider what you would feel like if he broke it off before you did, for another woman, or if he looses interest. Just a few things to think about....take care of you and your wonderful little ones.

DzMome
Mommy of Deven-6

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2005
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 1:53am
I am definitely confused about the whole situation. I know he has feelings for me but he is fighting it because of my situation.(I can't have any more children). I'm thinking, I'd rather be with someone who would be into me no matter what situation I'm in. It's hard to imagine if I'll ever find anyone since I have 3 kids. My bad marriage & the divorce have left me with low self esteem. Would I ever find the right man some day?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 5:57am

If he wants children and you are unable to have them, you are not a match, in my opinion. The desire for children is very strong. If you would both be willing to adopt that could work.

I am sorry for you that you are having such a difficult time in your life. I know it is hard to be alone and be a single mom. The fact that you had an unhappy marriage and divorce makes it harder, too.

Take heart that many single women are struggling to find someone - not just you. Read the Dating Doyenne board and you will see you are not alone in this. I have many friends who are dateless at the moment, me included, and we all vary in age and with or without children.

I think you have to work now to build your self esteem back - this will help you come to grips with where you are now and it will make you stronger to seek and be able to hold the right person for you. You can do this by just starting to clean your house and really get organized. Read books. Develop a talent or interest. Exercise. Work on your wardrobe. Find good friends.

I don't see why having three children will keep you from meeting someone. I know many moms with 2 or 3 children who have met the right person and remarried - there are even a few on this board. The key is that you have to be willing to be alone for a while so you can take the time to meet the right man for you.

The right man for you will be "that into you" as you speak. He will want to court you and make you happy. He will want the same things you want. He will appreciate your strong points. This is different from the guy who wants the booy call - just the convenience of you when it is convenient for him.

Hugs, my friend. We are all on this journey together!!

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