Am I horrible to feel like this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Am I horrible to feel like this?
6
Thu, 09-02-2004 - 7:12pm
I'm at the end of my rope. Ever since I announced I'm pregnant, things have fallen apart. Shane gets a cold, I get it from him two days later, it holds on...and on...and on. Finally we begin to get over that and his tooth starts to hurt. It's infected and his face is swollen. He's missed some work (thank God because I thought he'd go ahead anyway) and been in bed most of the time. He's so sick. I'm exhausted.

The beginning of a pregnancy is very hard on a woman. I need to be careful because it's such a vulnerable time for the baby. I'm so tired. I hit the pillow at night and am out cold. While Shane is sick, everything is up to me. He has to rest. But when do I get to rest? All day, I'm cleaning and doing errands. While D is at school is not a time for me to relax like I had hoped. Now I realize I could be working full time and I'm thankful I'm not, but still I need the time and deserve the time to lie back and say, "do it yourself".

I want him to feel better. I'm worried about him and at the same time, I want him to get better so I get some relief. Dylan is driving me nuts. He's so wild after school. All that quiet time he has is built up and he explodes once he's home. I just feel like I have no more to give right now.

Am I a bad person to feel like that? Does this make me selfish?

Mel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Thu, 09-02-2004 - 7:28pm
Oh honey, you're not selfish, you're human!!

It's ok not to be superwoman. If you're tired and not feeling well, that's OK! And you need to let Shane know that you need a little more help at this time, since pregnance is a big adjustment for your body and it's working a lot harder than *normal*. Also when you're sick, it goes into overtime, so make sure he understands that while you WANT to help HIM feel better when HE'S not feeling well, he may have to suck it up a little.

As for Dylan, is there anything he could do to get some of that extra energy out before coming home?

Hope you feel better soon!

Alison

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 09-02-2004 - 7:39pm
No! I think it makes you a very normal pregnant woman!

And do you know what Mel? I think the cleaning can wait a little. I think the laundry can pile up a little. I think the errands (especially while it's still hot outside) can wait. I think you can safely take a two hour nap while Dylan is in school. Jojo was stuck in front of the t.v. after I worked all day and he had been in daycare all day every single night. I would fix him the simplest dinner I possibly could (we had ALOT of Campbell's Soup and sandwiches!) and put in a movie and snuggle with him on the couch. When he would get rambunctious, I would tell him "I'm tired. I'm hurting (I spotted, cramped and bled as I had cysts rupturing on my uterus and ovaries during my first trimester, and I puked my gutts up all the way through). I want to relax. I will watch movies with you, I will read with you. That's all. If you can't be good, you can go to bed." He understood that at 4. I'm sure Dylan will understand!

This time will pass. You will get over this miserable summer cold, Shane will too, and his tooth will get better (I hate tooth pain - I'd rather give birth - and I'm serious). It will calm down, Dylan will adjust to school, you will hit your second trimester and get more of your energy back . . . just hang on, girl. It'll be over before you know it. Take care of yourself until then.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 09-02-2004 - 8:09pm
No but you are most likely hormonal. This too shall pass and it could be worse. I worked FT and was pregnant while dealing with a drug addicted loser live in BF that woke me up 2 or 3 times a night to drive him to get drugs - no lie. My first 3 months were complete and utter HELL. I never got more than a couple hours sleep at a time. And he stole all my money and i was constantly living in fear.

You aren't selfish - we all want and need that. But you will make it. If I did you can too

((((((HUG))))))))))

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Thu, 09-02-2004 - 8:13pm
I couldn't agree with this one more!!

Cheers to you, Mel, hang in there.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Fri, 09-03-2004 - 4:46am

((((((((((Mel)))))))))))


Sorry to hear you guys are under the weather and having a rough go of it.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Fri, 09-03-2004 - 8:56am
I actually just got some information last night about the Karate program I wanted to put him in. This guy works with the school system. He's the best in the area and very reasonable. He's got a lot of guidelines the kids must go by in order to be able to continue. Good grades, no using the things he learns in class on others, and especially no black belts til age 17. He feels like anyone under that age lacks the discipline to understand what a black belt means. I'm calling him today. It starts next week.

Dylan leaves tonight for the Labor Day weekend. I get him back on Monday. Shane went to work today and he took D to school for me. SO that helped me a lot. I'm still in my PJ's and will be showering in a minute. I do have some folding of laundry to do today so I can sort out what he's taking to his Nana's tonight. The rest of the weekend, he wears what his daddy has for him. Scott's mother is taking him to MS with her, so I don't have to drive to LA to meet him. Good thing. I'm too tired and don't exactly care to see him. But next weekend, I do. He's got him again.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to the Karate stuff. It's on Tuesday nights and if I want to take him Tues and Thurs, I can at no extra charge. He'll look adorable and I think it will be good for him. Something to do for an hour at night. He'll be nice and tired after. The good thing is that he never gives me a hard time about bed. He takes his shower, dries himself off and puts on his underwear and comes to get his medicine. He goes right to bed without a sound. He knows he needs a lot of sleep for school.

I'm glad no one thinks I'm being bad about the stress. Sometimes I feel like since I have it so good here being able to stay home that I have no right to gripe. But it all gets tiring after some time with me not feeling 100% and Shane being sick for two weeks now on top of that. And you know men....if they are sick, it's the end of the world! LOL!

Mel

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