Am I just freaking out too much??
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Am I just freaking out too much??
| Sat, 06-02-2007 - 8:07pm |
Hey all! I'm sure you all remember me, and all my posts in the past few weeks about the guy I'm dating. Well, I wanted to give an update...and ask for more advice!
Basically, we have been hanging out and seeing eachother once a week, twice maximum. Lately it has been once a week, really.
Anyway, we have been seeing eachother for 2 months now. Last night, we went out to dinner and then rented a movie and watched it at his house. It was a lot of fun. We got to talking after the movie. He asked me if I missed him that week, and if it was hard for me waiting a whole week to see him again. I admitted that yes, it was hard. I asked him if it was hard not seeing me, and he said 'yes, but I made it' or something like that. Anyway, .then I told him that 'people think its a little strange that we only see eachother once a week' ...I wanted to see what he would say about this. He said, well, its smarter to move slower, because we don't want to take things too fast (like some friends we know) and then have things fizzle out. He then said that 'neither one of us is in a position to get serious right now' and then he said because: He lives at home with his parents (in the basement) still, and is saving to move out (its not that big of a deal to me b/c he is only 23 and just graduated college, and is trying to save for a house), and that I live at home with my parents (trying to save, going to school) and that I have a kid. I said, 'I thought my having a kid didnt bother you anymore?' and he said it didnt bother him, he just wanted to take things slower because of it. I then asked him what he wanted from our relationship. I was trying to be frank with him and have him be frank with me!
He said that he wanted things to continue the way they were (slowly, seeing eachother once a week) for awhile longer...He said that when he moves out (within one year) then he will want to see me a lot more, and then get my child involved, of course. He asked "well do you want me to meet your child now?" and I asked him what HE wanted to do about that, what he felt comfortable with (I feel comfortable introducing him to my child at this point) and he said "well...I think I'd like to keep things the way they are for right now" ( I guess meaning that he wants to wait to meet my child) He said that this arrangement won't go on forever, but he just wants to take things slow right now, keep them as they are, and see if they develop. I also asked him last night, "what if you meet some other girl that you like?" and he said "i highly doubt it considering that it took my like forever to meet you" and i said "well what if you DO?" and he kind of looked awkward and said "new subject" ...now THIS concerned me a bit!
Anyway, I feel that I am becoming DEEPLY attached to this guy, we have so much in common...and I am very attracted to him and enjoy spending time with him. We always have so much fun together. Every time I see him (that once a week) I feel like its almost torture, knowing that I won't see him again for another week. It's so hard for me, and I can't understand why he is OKAY with only seeing me once a week. He said it was hard, but he managed. WHY not see eachother more?? He seems to be so insistent on going slow, not wanting things to "fizzle out"...I guess being smart about our relationship? He ALWAYS talks about the future, with me in it..for instance, he bought concert tickets for the middle of the summer, for him and I...and he always says "oh you will have to meet this friend of mine", etc., and even said that "when he has his own place, he will want to see me a lot more" I guess it is just weird for him living with his parents and having me over? He says we will get to enjoy our "own space" in his place.
Basically, I want to keep seeing him, even on these terms, because I like him so much. I just wish that he would want to get serious with me...NOW. Will he ever? I don't want to waste my time or my heart on someone who will NEVER want to get serious with me, but I DON'T want to bring up these concerns with him, because I don't want to pressure him. Does anyone understand his logic, of going slow? Does it make sense? I hope so. I just have never been in a relationship before where things were so slow, they were all so intense and fast, thats probably why they didnt work out in the end.
Any responses are greatly appreciated!! Thanks in advance! Is there any hope for us?
Basically, we have been hanging out and seeing eachother once a week, twice maximum. Lately it has been once a week, really.
Anyway, we have been seeing eachother for 2 months now. Last night, we went out to dinner and then rented a movie and watched it at his house. It was a lot of fun. We got to talking after the movie. He asked me if I missed him that week, and if it was hard for me waiting a whole week to see him again. I admitted that yes, it was hard. I asked him if it was hard not seeing me, and he said 'yes, but I made it' or something like that. Anyway, .then I told him that 'people think its a little strange that we only see eachother once a week' ...I wanted to see what he would say about this. He said, well, its smarter to move slower, because we don't want to take things too fast (like some friends we know) and then have things fizzle out. He then said that 'neither one of us is in a position to get serious right now' and then he said because: He lives at home with his parents (in the basement) still, and is saving to move out (its not that big of a deal to me b/c he is only 23 and just graduated college, and is trying to save for a house), and that I live at home with my parents (trying to save, going to school) and that I have a kid. I said, 'I thought my having a kid didnt bother you anymore?' and he said it didnt bother him, he just wanted to take things slower because of it. I then asked him what he wanted from our relationship. I was trying to be frank with him and have him be frank with me!
He said that he wanted things to continue the way they were (slowly, seeing eachother once a week) for awhile longer...He said that when he moves out (within one year) then he will want to see me a lot more, and then get my child involved, of course. He asked "well do you want me to meet your child now?" and I asked him what HE wanted to do about that, what he felt comfortable with (I feel comfortable introducing him to my child at this point) and he said "well...I think I'd like to keep things the way they are for right now" ( I guess meaning that he wants to wait to meet my child) He said that this arrangement won't go on forever, but he just wants to take things slow right now, keep them as they are, and see if they develop. I also asked him last night, "what if you meet some other girl that you like?" and he said "i highly doubt it considering that it took my like forever to meet you" and i said "well what if you DO?" and he kind of looked awkward and said "new subject" ...now THIS concerned me a bit!
Anyway, I feel that I am becoming DEEPLY attached to this guy, we have so much in common...and I am very attracted to him and enjoy spending time with him. We always have so much fun together. Every time I see him (that once a week) I feel like its almost torture, knowing that I won't see him again for another week. It's so hard for me, and I can't understand why he is OKAY with only seeing me once a week. He said it was hard, but he managed. WHY not see eachother more?? He seems to be so insistent on going slow, not wanting things to "fizzle out"...I guess being smart about our relationship? He ALWAYS talks about the future, with me in it..for instance, he bought concert tickets for the middle of the summer, for him and I...and he always says "oh you will have to meet this friend of mine", etc., and even said that "when he has his own place, he will want to see me a lot more" I guess it is just weird for him living with his parents and having me over? He says we will get to enjoy our "own space" in his place.
Basically, I want to keep seeing him, even on these terms, because I like him so much. I just wish that he would want to get serious with me...NOW. Will he ever? I don't want to waste my time or my heart on someone who will NEVER want to get serious with me, but I DON'T want to bring up these concerns with him, because I don't want to pressure him. Does anyone understand his logic, of going slow? Does it make sense? I hope so. I just have never been in a relationship before where things were so slow, they were all so intense and fast, thats probably why they didnt work out in the end.
Any responses are greatly appreciated!! Thanks in advance! Is there any hope for us?

I say that if you really like him, then keep on going slow and just simply enjoying your time together! Let the long-term future sit on its own for now. It's only been 2 months that you've been dating! That's not long enough to be planning long-term futures together, IMO!
So if he seems a bit hesitant, I would understand. It's only been 2 months. I would be hesitant as well- and that would have nothing to do with your child.
I've been seeing my Hiker for over a year and a half, but for us at our early stages- we didn't talk long-term futures then. Even now, we're not making any set plans for our future except that we want to continue to date and see each other. (And we see each other only 1-2 times a week usually too- but it's because we both have kids/work that makes it hard to get together more often than that.) I would feel pressured if we would've been discussing long-term plans at only 2 months.
~shrimpy, happy to be rowing the slow boat and savoring every moment
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
How is he NOT being serious with you?
He seems like hes got a good head on his shoulders. He is being open and honest with you about what he is thinking and feeling, that is awesome. He is right, he needs to get his own place and that should be a priority for him. He changed the subject when you started getting all insecure on him, because he cant guarantee you anything and you were asking for that. It has only been two months! And you should WANT him to be working on stablizing his life, home, job. If you hope to have a future with him he must do these things...otherwise, how can he take care of you and your child? He is trying to be a good man...being open and honest and trying to establish himself. Dont try to tie him down, grow with him. Be his support and encouragement, he will love that about you. Check the insecurities at the door and enjoy the time you get to spend with him, and appreciate that he is trying to be stable. There are too many guys out there who arent.
--tj