Am I the one that needs help?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
Am I the one that needs help?
24
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 8:14pm

So my nice little romance of five months is over.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 11:07pm

I am being selfish in wanting the apology.


I want him to acknowledge that I was hurt.


but then again that would defeat his purpose.


I lost self respect YEARS ago and got it back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 11:32pm

Don't expect an apology. I'll be shocked if you get one. I am overly optimistic in most things, but having been down the cheatin' road from Hades myself- just don't do it. Walk away from this one, no phone calls, no drawn out drama. Snooping on the phone was not the best choice, but the innocent have nothing to hide. Uber defensive responses are a sure sign the guy is LYING. Suffice it to say my X was a pro at turning the tables and making it me in the wrong when I caught him lying. I finally got up the nerve to hire a PI. Of course, when confronted with irrefutable evidence he laid into me for being a suspicious B***ch. All my own fault I was upset- he, as a successful man, was entitled to have a mistress. Seriously sick man.
It is time to move on. If you really worry that you are overly jealous or insecure, go to counseling and work it out. I think you just picked up on those signs we all see when there is something going on and you had to set your mind at ease. Unfortunately, you found reasons to believe you were right to think he wasn't being straight with you.

QueenBun

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 01-14-2008 - 1:16am

I believe that the other person is not responsible for my feelings. This is pulled from an article by Marina Michaels:

"One of the biggest lies people will ever tell you is that you have "made" them feel angry ,or sad, or hopeless, or some other feeling.

The trap this puts you in, if you believe it, is that you don't - you can't - know how you "made" people feel that way, let alone how to "make" them feel differently.

Like many others, I believed for a long time that I was responsible for the way others were feeling. Ultimately, I came to realize that we are not - can not be - responsible for the feelings of others. There is no way we can "make" someone else feel something toward us, neither love nor hate; it is their choice how they choose to feel in response to us or something we've done, and it is their choice how they choose to deal with those feelings."

If I don't take responsibility on how I feel then I play the victim to the other person who behaves without respect or from meanness or ignorance or whatever else.

Another comment: I choose not to have a relationship with people who use the word "you" for they are putting their s*it on me rather they take responsibility for their own s*it. I don't want advice or judgments from someone else unless I ask for it and visa versa.

Mark
---

May your soul be at rest.

May your heart remain open.

May you realize your own true nature.

May you be healed.

May you be a source of healing for the world. - a zen prayer

Edited 1/14/2008 10:15 am ET by mhash




Edited 1/14/2008 10:16 am ET by mhash
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Mon, 01-14-2008 - 8:54am

Good point! However, I did play the "you" card the other day. Nascar, who wouldn't leave well enough alone, got a taste of the nasty cat medicine. Things haven't ended so well now. :(


I told him I felt hurt that he had been hiding the fact that he has seen his x girlfriend without telling me and he said he didn't. He didn't feel it was important enough to share because they are just friends and he was bringing something the glasses he collect to her for taking care of the dogs. I tend to disgress, because he told me EVERYTHING to every last lame detail, so why not mention that??? Maybe because he felt I would have made a mountain out of a mole hill, but I wouldn't have if he would have really acted as if it was a buddy and not

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2007
Mon, 01-14-2008 - 11:15am

Good for you for not responding.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Mon, 01-14-2008 - 12:50pm

Told him under no circumstances EVER to contact me or come near me.


Sometimes it takes a 2x4.


~s~

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Mon, 01-14-2008 - 2:50pm
Holy cow yes! I told him I didn't want to hear it and just to accept it, but his letters were nice, not rude so I at least wanted him to understand, but finally I said enough was enough. That it was clear at the break up and already the last two emails that it just wasn't going to fit and that it was time to just accept it and move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
Mon, 01-14-2008 - 8:45pm

So much for not responding.


From the guy that doesn't want to talk to me again, I get an email today.

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Mon, 01-14-2008 - 8:47pm
Prayers that you start realizing what you are leveling yourself too....
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 01-15-2008 - 12:11am

It sounds like this one is sometimes on - maybe when he wants sex - and a lot of times off - like when it comes to being emotionally stable and into you and there for you. I bet there will come a time when you realize the liabilities outweigh the assets - and then you will dump him.

The thing is that to get a good healthy relationship you have to be willing to weed out the bad ones and raise your standards to something good. And then accept nothing less.

This one sort of sounds like a poison - you have fun with him and love the attention when he is on - but when he is off it brings out the worst in you and upsets you.