Am I the only one who couldn't wait???

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2007
Am I the only one who couldn't wait???
17
Fri, 04-18-2008 - 6:09am

I've talked to several men since I've begun the wonderful OLD thing - lol - who have told me that they've been legally separated for looooong periods (I'm talking up to 4 years).

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-1998
Fri, 04-18-2008 - 7:03am
Hi Lisa.
I have only recently separated (just over a month, although in my mind it has been a lot longer than that!), but I am not in any rush to divorce. In fact I don't care if I never divorce! Of course my opinion may change over time, but since I have no intention of remarrying etc I can not see the point. Just my opinion ....

 



Tracy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2007
Fri, 04-18-2008 - 7:31am

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 04-18-2008 - 7:53am

"I have only recently separated (just over a month, although in my mind it has been a lot longer than that!), but I am not in any rush to divorce. In fact I don't care if I never divorce! Of course my opinion may change over time, but since I have no intention of remarrying etc I can not see the point. Just my opinion ...."


You might not have any intention of getting remarried right now- but why keep the legal connection, if there are no intentions of getting back together with your ex, either? Unless there IS a chance of reconiliation.


I think there IS a mental change that you go through when a marriage becomes finalized, and it's different than just simply being separated. Just like there IS a difference between simply living together, and being married

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 04-18-2008 - 7:59am

Lisa-


I don't understand the reasons why these men from OLD are still hanging on, either!! I'm one who couldn't wait, just like you. Once I come to the conclusion it's over and there's no going back, then I was wanting it to just BE DONE so I can really move forward to leaving it all behind. I didn't want to have to wait years to go by, just to have to come back to "clean up loose ends" later. I just wanted it all DONE!!!!


Procrastination, maybe? Denial or avoidance of something unpleasant? Maybe there are some financial benefits that keep them hanging on (like the insurance thing, through the wife)? I guess everyone has their reasons for getting married when they do... maybe they have their reasons for hanging on too. But if the emotional bond is not there for being TOGETHER, then I think they might as well make the legal part separate, too.


I don't know why people wait, when it keeps them tied to the ex, and you can't really move on while that tie is still there. If they are still legally married, they shouldn't be ON the online sites to begin with, IMO!!! And if they are wanting to move on... then MOVE ON and get divorced already!!!!!!


~shrimpy


~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Fri, 04-18-2008 - 8:17am
I dated someone a long time ago ( one of the first bfs I had after the divorce) and he was handsome, brilliant, sexy, talented, and still married. He was separated but getting the divorce and going through the mediation and setting things up for division of property etc meant having to deal with his ex and he just couldnt get the job done. I finally had to decide that he likes the negative interaction with his ex because he wasnt showing that he was able to put his foot down on anything. He just kept getting called in for mediation and her requests for support or more support or property just got more and more over the top. At first I thought she was just wacky but then I finally got it through my thick head that they were wacky together. The negative wackiness even fighting glued them together and as dysfunctional as this was, they were hopelessly addicted to it for some reason. I loved him very much but broke it off. I heard from 2 years ago and he still hadnt finalized the divorce even though they have been separated for 6 years now. To me, because of this experience, it has been a red flag when someone is separated much much longer than the law needs them to be.
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 04-18-2008 - 8:39am
I don't think it is that common - would definitely NOT date someone who is separated or recently divorced.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Fri, 04-18-2008 - 9:07am

My attitude was divorce papers are only pieces of paper... the real divorce happens in your heart... as I separated my thoughts and feeling from the ex... as I rebuilt my identity... as I found peace..... as I recovered... as i forgave.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Fri, 04-18-2008 - 9:25am

I was separated for over 2 years before filing the paperwork, and then another 6 months before the divorce was final.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Fri, 04-18-2008 - 2:16pm

My attitude was divorce papers are only pieces of paper... the real divorce happens in your heart


I totally understand where you are coming from!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2006
Fri, 04-18-2008 - 7:24pm

the xh abandoned me & our 1 month old at a vacant apartment my parents had. he wanted to be separated but not divorced because he did not want to 1) break up his retirement plan at work and 2) have to tell grandmother that he was getting a

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