Am I Unrealistic?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Am I Unrealistic?
38
Wed, 01-16-2008 - 4:03pm

Hello, all!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2007
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 9:34am
Thank you...I guess I will "de-lurk" myself and become an active poster as well :-)

 

Meez 3D avatar avatars games
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2007
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 9:35am

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Meez 3D avatar avatars games
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 9:45am
I had this issue with one guy in particular years ago. He didnt get why we couldnt just all do things together or why I couldnt spare a few hours away from my son and just hire a sitter to pursue our "possibilities" as a couple. Wasnt that in my son's best interest that I pursue true love and eventually show it to him as an example? "Sure it is" I said BUT
I got my point across very quickly by being blunt and asking him if he wanted to be a father someday. He said he did. I then asked him if he recognized the fact that he could easily have a baby with someone and then not be able to sustain that relationship, thus creating a single mom in his baby's mother - no blame attached. He said yes. Then I said, would you want your imaginary ex to do what you are asking me to do? Give up time with your baby to explore her dating life? Bring the baby along with someone they havent had a chance to really get to know yet?
I didnt last with this guy but it really made a point with him and he got it after that.
Just thought I would share. I've said this before but when a man dates a single mom they are priveleged/lucky to see what kind of mom you are if they want kids themselves. If they date a woman without children that factor is a big question mark since no woman REALLY knows what kind of mother they will be until they are one. With us, they get to see it up close eventually and imagine a future child being raised by us. Many times parenting styles clash when people have kids together but at least with us they have a preview and can predict or deal with potential differences in parenting upfront.
Stick to your guns about the dating and time management. I agree with what you are doing wholeheartedly.
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 10:54am

Woohoo!

It's so wonderful to come here and read posts from all you women who put your kids above all else! It makes me feel that I'm NOT nuts because I feel that way!

But it makes me wonder how the heck XH is finding women who are very interested in having an instant new family after the first date.......

~calla~

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 10:55am

Again, thanks to the encouragement and stories from all!


Update ... Today, after reading some of your responses and getting that reassurance that I am doing fine, I contacted the guy I started seeing just about a week ago that inspired this whole question ...


A little background ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2007
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 11:07am
Just out of curiosity...is it safe to assume that he doesn't have any children?

 

Meez 3D avatar avatars games
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 11:28am

my_pride_and_joy -


The guy I just started seeing actually has two teenage sons and has been divorced from their mother for many years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2007
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 12:19pm

Hmm...yeah, you would think that with him having two children, he would understand you having to set your priorities in order.

 

Meez 3D avatar avatars games
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 12:29pm

Welcome to you

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 12:43pm

Calla -


"But it makes me wonder how the heck XH is finding women who are very interested in having an instant new family after the first date......."


I hear you on this!