am i wrong for not seeing the prob.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
am i wrong for not seeing the prob.
6
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 1:36pm
SO i really like this guy, Jason, when he's around he acts kind of flirty toward me. I really think that something might be there, i really cant tell though. Wanting to find out is where my problem comes into play; he is my daughters dad, Ryan's, friend. I'v expressed my intrest in jason to ryan and asked what he thought, (sort of like getting his approval) and he about had a heart attack. He said that i was never to talk to jason and if anything were to ever happen he would do the unthinkable. He said that it isnt right because i'm the mother of his child and jason is his friend. I have to admit i sort of see where he is comming from but he has done the same thing to me and he has slept with more than 3 of my friends since our daughter was born nearly 2 years ago. So do i go ahead and try to persue this thing w/ jason or do i just forget about it? And what would i say to him, jason, because i dont know if ryan has said anything to jason about what he thinks about the two of us. HELP, I'M SO CONFUSED!! AND I CANT STOP THINK ABOUT THIS!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 6:33pm

While this is a little "unconventional" so to speak, the real question is if Jason is okay with it. Does he like you and want to pursue a relationship with you? If so and it is meant to be then your ex will have to shush. I think you made a mistake to bring it up to him in the first place. He does not need to know about your private life and you certainly don't need validation or approval from him.

Time will tell you. Good luck - stay here and post with us - we love to hear from new people and I am sure you will learn a lot and enjoy all of the ladies and men on this board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 7:01pm
I understand that there is an unspoken cardinal rule out there among males who are friends that they don’t engage in romantic activities with each others women, even if they are ex’s. My SO will attest to this as will many men I know who I consider to be of good morals and values. Not sure that it makes any sense, but chances are, if your ex and Jason are really tight friends and Jason believes in the unspoken rule, he won’t make a move on you. I agree with West that it is really Jason’s call to make. And I also agree that your husband has no need to know about your private life, but if you get involved with one of his friends, chances are he will know more than you want him to…
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2005
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 9:59pm

It's too bad that more women don't heed this "unspoken rule." If they did, there wouldn't be so many cheating husbands, simply for lack of being able to get- for example- 3 of their wife's friends into bed in the 2 years after their baby was born. It never ceases to amaze me how many women will sleep with their friend's husband. I would cut off my own arm before I would do that. Jeesh

Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 10:49pm

You know, what would it hurt to go out on a date with someone, even if it is your ex's friend. I agree that you shouldn't have told your ex, but no use crying over spilt milk. I would just have fun, flirt with the guy, and see where it goes....let him make any first moves that may be made....time will tell....

Good luck!
Kait

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 11:28pm

I had come back to edit my post to add another thought, but I'll just put it here...

But first let me say, I agree, I would never sleep with the husband or boyfriend of a friend. I don't think I'd go for any of their ex's either. I mean, they are their ex for a reason right?

Anyway...

When I was in highschool, a guy that I was head over heals with dumped me because I wouldn't sleep with him (jerk) and a year later, my BEST FRIEND, went out with him and slept with him. I had gotten over him by then, but it still didn't feel good. It hurt alot and my best friend and I weren't quite the same after that. She didn't ask for my permission, because, well, why should she? But I know I didn't like it at all...so I guess some women (me) feel the same way as men do about their friends dating their ex'es.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 12:31am

NEVER EVER EVER talk about your love life with your ex!!!! NO NO NO NO NONONONONONON!!!!

That said...

You like the guy and you feel he's flirty with you- but you don't actually know if he's interested, do you? No, because you talked to your ex, not him. So your ex not only chewed you out, he probably went to his friend and started filling his head with bull about you so he won't be interested in you.

If you want to see where things go, let it be. If you want to be a little more proactive, why not invite him out with you and your friends- or just you? If he's interested, he'll show up- if not, he won't. Simple as that.

But you shouldn't go talking about anything other than your child with your ex. Your life without him is NONE of his business, but you make it his business when you discuss it with him. You aren't with your ex, you don't need to be "good friends" with him now.

Good luck with Jason, let us know how it goes!
Alison

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