and a cuss word 'cause it's Monday
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| Wed, 04-25-2007 - 11:16pm |
she's a bubble bath and candles, baby come and kiss me, she's a one glass of wine and she's feelin' kind of tipsy, she's the giver I wish I could be and the stealer of the covers, she's a picture in my wallet of my unborn children's mother, she's the hand that I'm holding when I'm on my knees and praying, she's the answer to my prayer and she's the song that I'm playing, and she's everything I ever wanted, and everything I need, I talk about her, I go on and on and on, 'cause she's everything to me.....
This is my new favorite song. It also happens to be "our" song. It's been a long time since A) I was a part of an "our" and B) I had a song with someone.
It became our song when he sang along to it, it got to the chorus the first time, and he said "I do talk about you a lot, which is why everyone is so happy to meet you finally"
Early last week, I attended the funeral services of a family friend with funnyguy. It was his friend, to clarify. I met his parents and brother and SIL briefly there, and as odd as the circumstances were, the meeting went well.
Since then, he's been over very regularly, the kids are having fun getting to know him, and he's becoming a part of our lives. It's a good thing. We aren't rushing or forcing anything into being, just doing what feels right for all of us.
Over the weekend, we both had to work Saturday, then late afternoon the Princess and I went to his parents' for a little while to visit, then Sunday I visited my dad at the hospital. It was a long day on Sunday, since it's about 7 hours to drive, and very emotionally draining. funnyguy called when I was on my way home, and ended up coming over just to cheer me up. It worked, as he simply let me be me. I don't feel as if I need to entertain him or pretend to be happy or do anything other than whatever it is I would normally do. Life with him in it is seamless.
I took the day off from work yesterday since I'm having car trouble and thought I could get it straightened out. That didn't happen, but I did spend some time with funnyguy's parents and more time with his brother and SIL, who I evidently made a good impression on. I liked them, too, so that's good news. You know how sometimes you like people because they're relatives or friends of people you like, and you're supposed to like them, and other times you like people because they're awesome and nice and funny and just great to be around? His family is like that. They're all teasers and joke a LOT, which is exactly like my family, so it's very comfortable but they aren't overbearing or making comments about how "cute" we are or "what a great catch" either of us is.
There was a point a few days ago where funnyguy and I were joking around and he said something smart alecky (which we both do nonstop) and I rolled my eyes at him. He said "oh, you love me, and you know it" and it hit me like a brick that I do. I didn't say anything to him, in fact, I'm fairly certain I tickled him then to change the subject, but later that day he brought up the feelings thing again.
It's so bizarre to me to feel this way about someone. I never have before. There was one point where he said I was going to do something that I was in fact going to do, but to tease him I said, "oh, you're already telling me what to do? what's next, telling me how I feel?" and he replied "you love me" I naturally said, "oh, think so, do ya?" and he got all serious and said "I hope so, since I love you. But if you aren't there yet, or don't want to say it, or can't, that's fine. Love's a gift, and gifts are given freely" WHO says the most perfect thing like that?! funnyguy does. I replied to him "I'm feeling things for you that I haven't ever felt for anyone, and it isn't the feeling them that I'm uncomfortable with, it's the suddenness of the feelings, I guess" We left it at that then, and we aren't all mushy and gooey kind of people anyhow.
I tried to pick a fight with him Monday, because it was Monday, and we haven't had a fight, and I am ornery, and I just sorta felt like fighting... not really with him, but was in a fighty kind of mood. We couldn't find anything to fight about. He was a good sport about it though- let me pretend to take the opposing side of every one of his opinions, but it didn't last for long, since we pretty much have the same views on everything and are both too honest to pretend otherwise. He did say he didn't want to fight, and after about ten seconds I realized I didn't really want to, either, but I'm wondering what our first fight will be like and hoping none of this is too good to be true. It is unrealistic to expect that we'll always agree about everything, although we've gotten to know a whole lot about each other and the way we think and feel and act and live is SOOOO similar it's scary.
It's been officially just over a month since we were exclusive, which is a remarkably short amount of time. However, this man has all of my little check boxes covered and some things I never knew I wanted. He's simply right for me.
I still don't know how to define love, but I do know now what it feels like. I also know that every stupid cliche that says you'll know it when you find it, you will find it when you aren't looking for it, and expect the unexpected are based on fact.
I don't expect him to leave. I know nothing is guaranteed, the fact that most of us are divorced proves that. However, speaking for myself only here, I also know that what I've gone through has led me to funnyguy. I've grown so much, come so far on my own.
He wouldn't have been right for me three years, one year, or even six months ago. The timing had to be right for both of us, since we wouldn't be the people we are right now without the experiences we've had.
I'm glad I kissed all those frogs, glad I had bummer dates, glad I waded through hundreds of profiles and dodged sloppy kisses and weak advances from former coworkers, glad I got married and divorced, and glad I found myself in the process. Changing one of those things about my past would have changed how I shaped myself, and may have made me into something that wouldn't have worked well with the things life through at funnyguy to make him right for me.
Other than casual plans for an outing or two over the summer, and a trip to his cousin's in Florida, we haven't really made plans for or mentioned the future. That sort of ties in with the way we are. We're both enjoying the fact that we found each other, and there's no need to push for or rush more. He said yesterday "Usually when I'm in a relationship I really like to hear 'I love you' a lot, but with you, I don't need to hear it, I feel it, I know it", and that's how I feel about him. Words are great, but they are just words, and his actions have proven to be so much more powerful than any words could ever be.
That being said, he lives in the next town over from me, which happens to be another county. His job requires that he live in that county, which means that he couldn't move here, even if he wanted to. My apartment's lease is up in September, and I have given thought to asking for a six month renewal instead of another whole year. Obviously I'm just thinking way ahead here, but his apartment is a small two bedroom, which would be way too small for us. I've been thinking about something different anyhow, and if we were to move in together, summer would be the right time, since changing schools in the middle of the school year isn't really something I want to deal with, and putting my kids through that unneccesarily just seems silly. Whatever ends up happening, there's a comfort in knowing logistically it can't happen until at least late summer, when I'll be nearing the end of my lease, and I also like the idea of both of us moving into someplace totally new- that way, it's ours and not him moving in with me or me moving in with him. But I haven't been thinking about the future. ;-)
Moody, who'd kiss ten bushels of frogs if it brought her here in the end

Wow!!! What more can I say - you are totally smitten. Your relationship with funnyguy sounds absolutely perfect. Congratulations. He sounds like a fantastic catch! I love what he said about love - how cool is that?
Rose (who hopes to eventually find what you have in a partner) :)
This is a glowing report moody. I am happy to see you so happy. It seems that he has good values and that you two have a lot of things in common. And never mind that you like his relatives - how cool is that!
I think you should enjoy what you have for as long as you have it - as you say - it is only one month. This is like getting an A+ on your report card for one semester. Keep 'em coming! We will only settle for high honors here for the whole year. LOL!!
Tell us what you put in your profile for this one!!
This is like a sane fairytale...one with logic and a good foundation. I love it and I am SOOOO happy for you! I can't wait to hear more!!
~ Caryn, sighing like a school-girl.
wow Moody...that was beautiful. I was actually teary-eyed reading it. I think you are giving us such hope for finding the right guy.
I have realized in the past year that I never really knew what love was, never really experienced it, outside of my relationship with my stepmom. But when I think about it now, I would think that it would so much be what you described. Comfortable, totally free to be yourself, being more together than apart, and being able to be vulnerable with one another.
I think it great when he says that he doesnt need to hear it because he can feel it. That speaks volumes about the depth of your relationship. And our actions speak so much louder than our words. Its cute how he was warming his way up to saying it to you, with that little "you love me and you know it" bit.
I am soooo happy for you. And you have also encouraged me to just take it slowly and relax if I ever find a new man. To just let things progress at their own speed.
I cant wait for the next update!!
--tj
BTW, what song is that?? I just gotta hear it!
--tj
It's a country song, called She's Everything, by Brad Paisley. Limewire it- it's awesome.
For the rest of you-
West, my profile was really more making jokes than it was an actual profile.
I used Match, so you know the questions on the side, one says your favorite things? I quoted the song, My Favorite Things... you know "raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens..." anyhow, I figured a guy who got the song, got that I was getting at being into the simplest things in life, would get me. funnyguy quoted the second verse in his first email to me (bonus points- he had to google them, which I found out later)- showed he actually read my profile, and put forth the effort before sending me an email.
There's also a question that asks what you've read lately. I put, "I'm a full time mom, full time employee, and full time student. I read textbooks, TPS reports, and Dr Suess. It's a good life, Charlie Brown." His email alluded to the movie I got that from (Office Space) by saying something about using his swingline stapler. Yeah, we're pretty similar.
I could go on and on and on about him, there's really so much about him that is so like me, and yet different enough to make it fun and exciting and just.... right.
We are simply enjoying being, but I didn't mean to make anyone cry! Just remember- I haven't always felt this way, and I was getting to the point where I didn't remember how to be anything other than single.
I especially like the "sane fairytale" comment,- that's really how I feel. It isn't so fast it's scary, and it isn't too slow, and it is juuuuust right. At the same time, it's so much more than I ever could have known I wanted. So many men were thisclose to being right, yet weren't. There was always a but.
I looked for one with funnyguy, searched for a red flag. I am still being aware, but I honestly haven't found anything about him so far that doesn't work perfectly with me. I'm not saying he's perfect- no one is. But since I'm also not perfect, it seems our imperfections are perfect for each other.
Moody, walking on sunshine today
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""I'm a full time mom, full time employee, and full time student. I read textbooks, TPS reports, and Dr Suess. It's a good life, Charlie Brown."
That is funny and cute, Moody - I also like what you put for your favorite things.
If he read all of that and responded that is quite good. It seems that you two really resonate off each other.
We are enjoying your story as it unfolds. Green flags away!!!!!!!!!!