and still no date......

Avatar for roxanne2020
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2003
and still no date......
4
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 12:42pm

so he never called, so i ended up with plan c, i went with ex-coworker to a bar near my house......good thing i had another plan so i didn't feel as bad.......guess he just isn't that into me....

but i had fun last nite, i met another guy, but i don't really see a connection another friend of a friend ugh..... i wonder how many more years it will take....

as for FOB i decided that i'm not going to act like a child, and that i'm going to let Damian go with him on monday, but as for future birthdays i'm cancelling that agreement since he can't stick to his end of the agreement....and i would love to find a reliable babysitter for when he doesn't show up, but i don't have one, my mom is the only person i trust my son with, and she works too. I don't have any other family members or friends I'd trust with my son, So for next time I don't know what I'm going to do.....but that's the end of can i have him this day for this or that, it will mess up my plans as well, but it just raises my stress, and i can't take it anymore, this is why we went to court, so we're sticking to that visitation plan...

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 12:54pm

So tell him you're returning to the court ordered visitation plan, because this "new" plan just doesn't work for you when he doesn't hold his end.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 1:30pm

It stinks that he never called but at least you see his true colors now and are free to find the one who does call.

With regards to your fob, I think that the biggest issue is him being late when you have to work.

The birthday thing is not that big of a deal to me - I would not cause a rift by saying you are not doing it - but if he wants a birthday and you already have plans then you can say too bad because I already have plans and you won't feel bad.

I think you are shooting yourself in the foot to not encourage them to spend more time together - this gives you free time and cultures a good relationship for DS and his fob.

Just my two cents worth. I know how hard it can be to stay civil and keep everything in the favor of DS without making it a battle with fob - you have to pick your battles. He is hopefully paying CS - you didn't mention he is not so I assume he is - and he is wanting to see DS and do stuff with DS - this is all good for you and you should try to keep that working.

Don't worry about a sitter now if you don't need one now - you will work that out and find a way when you have to - and that will be a good problem indeed.

Hope this helps - sorry to hear about the disappointment of no call no date - but you are VERY smart and lucky to have had a plan B.

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Avatar for roxanne2020
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2003
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 3:05pm
no, he doesn't pay child support, he's supposed to, but he's behind......
as for the time they spend together, i tried to be civil, but whenever i let him take him longer, etc, he brings him back late, he doesn't show up like he said, he has yet to mature...i want to do what's best for my son, but i get so stressed out, and the whole situation has been hard, from his family calling me names in the middle of a mall when Damian was a four months old, to how FOB left me when he found out I was pregnant, I've had to deal with alot, and it's really hard because when i finally try to let him take him more again he messes it up and frankly i'm emotionally drained.....for my sanity i need to just stick to the court order even if i can't take a vacation to mexico for a week with my family, even if Damian will miss out on family birthdays, etc, i love my son and i want what's best for him, and therefore i really need my sanity and my emotional level to a norm.......maybe when he's a little older it will be easier to let him decide if he wants the xtra time with his dad.....b/c for now i'm done trying it's really hard

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 3:31pm

Perhaps you can redo the visitation order to include family birthdays and other events?


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