Another setback........ sigh........

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Another setback........ sigh........
6
Wed, 07-16-2008 - 9:56am

Last night was my "usual" night to be at EG's.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 07-16-2008 - 10:08am

Oh dear. I think you did the right thing to offer his boy space and go back to your place. And of course your house is going to feel more comfortable - it is your house.

The thing is, you are not just marrying one person and dealing with the needs of two people. You have a whole family to think about. And each little entity in the family has his or her own issues which have to be respected and worked into the plan. I think the commitment to marriage says you will deal with those in a positive manner and keep going.

I think you just need to have a talk with EG about what you observed and how that made you feel and develop a plan of action together.

Also the thought occurred to me that his son may not have an issue with you - it could be something else. So you should clarify rather than assume. Maybe before you got there the son wanted to buy something or go out and he said no? Or maybe he was hoping for one on one dad time - maybe EG doesn't spend enough time with his kids because he works too much and it is more about that and the son seeing you as a competition for that? Or maybe the son feels you are trying to take the place of mom? Who knows? But you have to find that out - or EG has to find that out.

I just think you need to have dialog and an action plan where both of you are on the same page. It might also help you to start reading up on "bonus families" so you know what to expect and how to deal with these things - they say it takes 5 or 6 years for a blended family to really come together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Wed, 07-16-2008 - 10:18am

West, I agree with you 100% on the blended family issue.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 07-16-2008 - 10:21am

Well, perhaps he needs to work a little less and spend more time with them? And this might be the catalyst!!

I think this will all work itself out in time - you did the right thing and although they might not say anything now -that will not go unnoticed!! And they are bigger - they are going to become more and more involved in their own activities - and hopefully they give you the chance to see what a positive person you are.

Good luck and keep us posted - I think you will be fine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Wed, 07-16-2008 - 10:29am

I do think that EG isn't as "involved" with the kids when they are there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Wed, 07-16-2008 - 12:43pm

One on one time does wonders for kids spirits- and putting in that extra effort on EG's part will smooth things over for them all.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Wed, 07-16-2008 - 12:55pm
Absolutely!