Any Ideas How I Can Get Out of This?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2008
Any Ideas How I Can Get Out of This?
11
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 12:05am

OK, I'm still angry and disgusted at what John did that it's hard to be in the same room with him. (Hard to believe a couple of weeks ago it was hard to be in the same room because I was attracted; now I'm repelled.) He's too clueless to realize I've been more distant. He pops in my classroom to say hi, he's in the office when I check my mail. Yuck.

Now he found out I'm moving (I sure didn't tell him.), and he volunteered to help. Thinking fast, I said thanks, but I already have a bunch of people helping, but John said, "You can never have too much help. The more people, the faster it goes!" Um, I said, I'm sure you have better things to do (like boinking your former jail-bait gf), but he said no, he's completely free.

I don't want him to help! I don't want him handling my crummy stuff. I don't' want to be indebted to him. I don't want him to be around for hours. And if he brings his gf, I might get a migraine. I know she was so young that even if she WAS "stalking" him, she was the victim, but I don't like her. He's a sleazeball. Maybe I should be grateful for the help, but I'm not. I'm already stressing over the move and what a complete jerk my ex is being and don't need this.

Any ideas on how I can get out of this? Or, failing that, how I get through Saturday? Any advice appreciated!

Julie
Julie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 12:44am
Give him all of the heavy lifting and enjoy watching him break his back!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2009
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 1:07am
I love this idea!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2009
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 6:48am

Juliegirl,


I don't really see the problem here, to be honest. The way to get out of this is to say to him, firmly and with a 'not up for further discussion' expression on

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2008
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 8:58am

I've already told him that I had plenty of help. Saying it again in the even more forthright manner you suggested would not be something I'm comfortable with. (Yeah, I'm a wimp sometimes.) He's a persistent person and would pursue the topic. That would give me a chance to say, "Look, the fact is, I don't want to be around you since I found out about you and your former student (and what was going on when she was still his student)." However, someone as smitten as he is isn't going to change anything just because I said my say, and it would definitely cause problems within my department. I don't want to cause a serious rift with him because it's my job to keep the department running smoothly.

Maybe if I don't say anything about it, he'll forget and just won't show up. If he does, he'll have to work, all rightie. Thanks for your insights. You do have a good point!

Julie
Julie
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2009
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 9:12am

No way, don't agree, this is wimpy behaviour all right!! You CAN tell him, in no uncertain terms, to b - r off and leave you alone. You must tell him exactly that, without mentioning any past scandals. You can't just say 'maybe he'll forget', or 'he'll have to work hard if he doesn't', it's so.. childish!!


Hang on. Can it be that you at some level to some extent HOPE that he will turn up, and you'll have a chance to spend some time together and things can happen and and and...? Is this really why you can't bring yourself to outright say 'NO, I DON'T NEED YOU, NOW GET LOST'? Aghghghghhghghg, please tell me that's not true.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 9:25am

I have to say that if you don't want his help tell him not to come.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2007
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 9:55am

My suggestion is that you start separating your personal life from work or this will be an on-going issue.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 10:32am

You can't tell him in person.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 10:42am
You've got to practice your assertiveness training--just tell him thanks, but no thanks, I've got it covered. I don't really need more help. Whatever. So what if it hurts his feelings? I think if you practice w/ someone who can't really do anything to get back at you, then that might carry over to dealing w/ your ex. It's funny--I can be wimpy at home (or w/ guys) but at work--well I do litigation. I definitely don't get walked on. It's like there are 2 different people.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2004
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 11:15am
I am not that familiar with this situation but how about sending him an email (most teachers have email)

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