Anybody tried to move away?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Anybody tried to move away?
4
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 11:50am
I am a single mom of a 3 yr old and have been seperated from my ex since last Nov. In custody court in March he was given supervised visitation 2x per week and had to complete a bunch of stuff (classes, drug testing and evaluation, etc etc). He is only seeing our daughter 1x per week, on Sat. (from 11-1 -- right in the middle of the day :( ) But for the last 4 months, he has made sure that he does show up to that (he missed one visit at the very beginning, so if he misses another, the visitation place won't let him come there anymore).

I am really considering trying to move out of this town. I have friends and someone who I care deeply about in another town 4 hrs away from here. At this point it seems impossible to move as I would have to spend 10 hrs every Sat. driving her in for his lousy 2 hr visitation.

He has a No Contact Order and a criminal record so, it's not like I can talk to him and ask him to be reasonable (not his strong suit!) Further, he just lost custody of his other 2 kids from a previous relationship so I don't imagine he's in a cooperative mood.

Has anyone had any experience with the courts in asking them to revise visitation to 1x every 2 weeks or something like that? I am afraid that if I ask for that they will revoke the supervised visitation and let him have her for an overnite (or a full weekend) and I DO NOT want that to happen (his house is not safe for a 3 yr old).

Any advise anyone has would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 11:53am
I think you should go and see a lawyer and ask for legal advice and guidance on this matter. You want the best for you and your daughter - and the lawyer can give you that based on his or her experience. Family counseling might be in order, too.

Good luck and hugs. It sounds like you have been through a lot.

Avatar for comountainsprite
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 12:02pm
I agree that you should consult a lawyer. My ex moved to another state (though he's since moved back and basically I call the shots on when or if he sees dd. Right now he's been clean and sober for almost a year so he gets to see her but he's disabled so doesn't have much money and wouldn't be able to take me back to court if I said he couldn't see her and he wouldn't really have a leg to stand on anyway. The last time I put him "on probation" so to speak it was because I showed up to pick her up and he was high. I didn't let him see her at all for about 2-3 months even though he went to treatment and even then it was another period of visits only in our home, with both dh and I there.) Anyway, the divorce decree, said that he was responsible for any expense to get her to visit him. So they might still have the same visitation schedule but change the location to a supervised visitation place in your new town with him having to make the trip. I don't know for sure but it's worth talking to a lawyer. Good luck, big hugs.
Avatar for cl_tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 12:51pm

Hi and welcome to the board!


I have absolutely no experience in something like you're describing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 1:12pm
I agree on talking to a lawyer on this.

If you can prove that you have a job to go to as a reason for your move, a job where you will be making a better living for you and your child, the court will allow you to go. As far as the move, he can't stop you unless he goes to court to try to do so. Also, I don't know the rules there, but here the person VISITING the child is responsible for GETTING the child or TO the child. So in other words, if he wanted to see the child he would have to drive to see the child, or pay for the child to see him when the child is older. It wouldn't be up to YOU to be running all over the state to make sure he saw his child. So talk to the lawyer and find out who is responsible for the visitation, and how that would work if you did move? Maybe it could be arranged that you take turns driving, and change the dates of the visits to every two weeks or three weeks.

Good luck

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