I think you should definitely talk to them and set them straight. Because they probably have a few ideas of their own and those might not be as good as the truth. I would present it in a positive manner and explain what it means to them and what they need to do.
I think I would also make sure they still have a good social life and activities and that the alanon, while good, doesn't overshadow their wonderful growing years and times just to be a kid.
But maybe others who have dealt with this have better advice - that is just my own opinion. I know when it comes to alcohol there is a lot to learn. Maybe you want to work with a counselor, too.
my reasoning for doing this is mostly that I am told by a close friend who'se dh is alky and she is a regular al anon member, that even tho I dont think the functioning alky is affecting them, it is and will more and more as they get older.
How long did you all live together under the same roof? If he was an active alcoholic even then- I would imagine that they would have internally felt the effects somehow even if not consciously.
I think I would be honest and first open up a dialog about drinking and how having an addicted dad effects them to different degrees. Talk about it openy and without fear or finger pointing- more of an objective, factual conversation and one tey can understand. I'd let them know you are looking out for them- just like you send them to the doctor for check-up and and shots. Hey- what kids LIKES that??
Would it be possible for you to go to the first one with them? Maybe you could all go together to check things out?
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My DD(13) dad is a recovering alcoholic and I have discussed it with her just to let her know that she could have those tendencies.
April
Wow, you are definitely right to approach this with caution.
My children are much younger (6 & 4), but their father is a heavy drinker and it is
I think you should definitely talk to them and set them straight. Because they probably have a few ideas of their own and those might not be as good as the truth. I would present it in a positive manner and explain what it means to them and what they need to do.
I think I would also make sure they still have a good social life and activities and that the alanon, while good, doesn't overshadow their wonderful growing years and times just to be a kid.
But maybe others who have dealt with this have better advice - that is just my own opinion. I know when it comes to alcohol there is a lot to learn. Maybe you want to work with a counselor, too.
This kind of conversation is never an easy one to have with kids.
my reasoning for doing this is mostly that I am told by a close friend who'se dh is alky and she is a regular al anon member, that even tho I dont think the functioning alky is affecting them, it is and will more and more as they get older.
mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16
good advice - maybe I won't be going tonite.
mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16
ughhh i hate this, its just another thing on my list of important stuff, when he gets to deal with all the easy stuff
I too, deal with what I call a "disneyland dad".
Just my 2 cents here...
How long did you all live together under the same roof? If he was an active alcoholic even then- I would imagine that they would have internally felt the effects somehow even if not consciously.
I think I would be honest and first open up a dialog about drinking and how having an addicted dad effects them to different degrees. Talk about it openy and without fear or finger pointing- more of an objective, factual conversation and one tey can understand. I'd let them know you are looking out for them- just like you send them to the doctor for check-up and and shots. Hey- what kids LIKES that??
Would it be possible for you to go to the first one with them? Maybe you could all go together to check things out?
I think it's a wonderful idea, but not sure if it's something I would do yet... as you pointed out only the older one seems to see the issue at hand.
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