Anyone else feeling self-conscious???
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| Sat, 04-21-2007 - 12:40am |
Ok - the one thing we definitely all have in common is the fact that we are single moms so I am sure someone out there can relate to this.... There was a time when I had a cute and relatively tight little body - those days are long past for me. I gave birth (emerg. c-sections after full dilation and crowning) to two 9lb babies that were both nursed. I have not been intimate with anyone except my stbx for 10yrs and add the fact that I am carrying 15 extra pounds.
I have recently reconnected with a former co-worker and I am certain that once I move to my new place in a few more weeks that we will be taking our relationship to the next stage. He is divorced with no children and recently broke off an engagement with a young spinning instructor....I probably don't need to say more but, bottom line, I don't think he has been intimate with a woman who has had children. I am concerned that the state of my body will be a large turn off for him. I am very self conscious of my new jiggly parts (belly and D breasts). How am I am going to get over this hurdle...I don't want my self confidence (or lack there of) ruin what could be a really fun time...
Rose

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I completely agree with you- about the clothing, the confidence, and basically all of it!
I also hate looking at pictures of myself- but what I did to keep from going crazy is put in a frame a pic of me at my heaviest. This was to remind me that I have come a long way, and to show myself that I am not that person anymore. That person didn't have her life together, was incredibly miserable, and simply didn't enjoy life.
The perosn in my pictures now is happy to be her, and usually looks amazing when you compare the two. It worked for me to realize that my pictures now are much more an accurate representation of who I am- I look happier, and that really has nothing to do with weight and everything to do with my life.
Moody, usually behind the camera
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I used to feel self-conscious. I know what you all mean by the "damages" of childbearing!! Except for the sagging boobies... mine don't sag much. They were left too small to sag!! I didn't have much to begin with, but I swear, they are smaller now than before I had kids. Oh well...
But I agree with the ones who said that if a man was gonna harp on the stretch marks or not looking "perfect"- then he might as well GO! He wouldn't be worth keeping around. Especially if he has the nerve to SAY anything derogatory about how we look. That's just plain unnecessary and hurtful.
Now, when it comes to being at an unhealthy weight (that includes both being too heavy or too thin), I have to say no one should be happy with accepting themselves at that weight. Don't hate yourself because of your unhealthy weight, but rather- love yourself enough to CHANGE it to a more healthy one. And don't say you'll love yourself more once you've lost weight, or say you'll be happy once you've lost weight... but love yourself enough NOW- in order for you TO want to make that change to a healthier weight. You deserve nothing less.
And I don't think there is ANY magic diet. It's all a matter of eating healthier food choices, and controlling portion sizes at the same time. And keeping your body active with some form of working out at least 4-5 times a week. Start slow, increase the intensity and length as your body can handle it. But don't go out and bust a gut trying to do something big right off the bat- or you might either get injured, or get overwhelmed or discouraged at your abilities. Just go slow, stay consistent, and keep moving. The weight didn't show up in just a few months, so it won't go away in just a few months, either. I've been working on my fitness for the past 2-3 years and it's been an interesting learning experience for sure! But I love the way I look and although I don't think I'm "done" yet... I'm just about where I want to be. It hasn't been easy, but it has been possible- and that's what counts. It's POSSIBLE.
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
You know, after I answered this the other day, I was thinking about how men must see women.
Sheesh, you guys!
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ITA! This was an especially profound and insightful statement!
OMG, Rebecca you are soooo funny! Thanks for sharing all of your practical tips for 86'g the SPANX! ha! -- I too had an experience just
Hey I'm a little late on the catch up talk,, but IMO, I wouldnt worry, as far as whatever size you are, and if you think your carring 10 pounds you dont like, he is obviously interested in you, and no he hasnt seen you naked, but hes seen you dressed, and we walk around dressed alot more of our time, and all hes gonna see the first time anyway is a naked chick in his bed, thats hes probably been fantasizing about since day one, so you'll be fine, just fine..
Dont let it worry you at all, or you could end up putting a damper on what you said, would be a good time..
Florence
Thanks Moody - Congrats on the weight loss!
I am looking for ways to weave in some extra exercise time and you have some fantastic suggestions. I don't have a lot to lose but I know being more active would help with my self confidence tremendously. I have recently started doing 3 miles 4-5 times per week on the tread mill and I already noticed a difference...and I feel much better.
My biggest hurdle is emotional eating and going through this whole separation process has really highlighted this issue. I have a feeling that I will have a lot more control over that issue once I am living in my own home and I am away from my stbx. Then, of course, I will have to get used to being away from my children which will be a huge emotional for me as well. I have been developing a bit of a coping plan for that though and that's where this new guy kind of works into my life....
Thanks again Moody!
Rose
Hmmmm...I need to get me some Spanx!! Too funny but I can totally see myself doing the whole covert strip tease as well! But I will need a bigger purse.
I have to say I love your perspective on life. I am the same age as you and am also on this board as a result of an abusive relationship. After being put down for years it is hard for me to believe that I am anything tremendously special. I know - deep down that I am but it will take me a while before that confidence returns.
Thanks again for your "nursing" perspective on things - I know you are right that men see all sorts of shapes and sizes. And yes...I have been around the block enough to have seen some interesting and sometimes shocking fun sticks! The strangest one was exceptionally thick and crooked but, my friend, it was absolutely perfect and hit my g-spot each and everytime - without fail! (hmmm ...that guy is probably worth a Google ;)
Rose (searching for Mr. Crooked and some Spanx!)
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