anyone feel this way at first?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2006
anyone feel this way at first?
8
Sat, 12-30-2006 - 12:16pm

Hi. I have been writing on and off over the past few months.....I am 32 and separated and most likely divorcing in the next year (depressed husband who won't get help, somewhat verbally abusive). I have 3 kids (1 I had very young, the other 2 while married). My kids are thriving since all the tension is out of the house.

Anyway, I met someone who I had a lot of fun talking to. He knows my "situation" and made some comments about wanting to go out with me. He is handsome, good job, divorced with a child, seems nice (then again, I obviously don't always choose the right men.) The problem is, I can't decide what to do. On one hand I would like to go out with him just casually. On the other hand, I can't help but wonder if he seems so appealing simply because he knows about my kids and situation and is interestd anyway. It just is hard for me to imagine meeting men with my life the way it is. I know if it's the right person , and all that, but I also know how judgemental people can be.

Anyone feeling the same way?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Sat, 12-30-2006 - 5:22pm

Hi there. I'm not currently in your situation, but my last serious relationship was a product of me not feeling good enough about myself, and settling for the wrong guy.

I was so flattered by the attention that I overlooked or denied to myself several major red flags. I'm not saying that this is what you're doing, but in retrospect, its definitely what I did.

I also didn't have enough self confidence to get out of the relationship before it became serious, which only caused more heartache in the end. Now that I'm more aware of who I am and what I want, I know that the guys who are showing me interest are interested in the real me, who IS self-confident and sure of what she wants and where she's going, not the phonyme who was insecure and pretended to be whatever someone else thought they wanted.

It has been incredibly obvious that the self-confident, happy me gets much more attention, and I've had a lot of fun dates because I was choosing guys to spend time with that were fun and wanted to be with someone who was happy. Obviously, none of them were right for me, but just getting out there and meeting new people has been such a fun process.

Moody- who's in definite "like" with a guy, and in love with life


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2006
Sat, 12-30-2006 - 9:40pm

Hello there:

I sort of think we always know and we just don't trust ourselves. There's a little voice inside of you and that's who you really need to listen to for the answer. I have two little boys and I was in a relationship that I recently left. It would have been VERY easy to stay because part of me assumes that no one will want to be with a women with two kids, but that's not a reason to stay with someone. You have all the answers you just have to ask the right questions and be willing to be honest with yourself

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 12:18pm

I agree with this post. You cannot stay with someone because you think there will be no one else because of your kids.

The best way to find the right person is to put yourself in a good place in life - where you are so happy alone.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 12:18pm

Being separated and not divorced does put you in a difficult dating category. If you look at OLD sites, very few people will say they are willing to date someone who is separated.

Divorces can take a while. Mine took 2.5 years. I didn't feel like myself again until one year after the divorce was final. When you get the divorce behind you, you will not feel like having 3 kids is a deal-breaker when it comes to dating. You will be in the driver's seat after the legal stuff is worked out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2006
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 12:58pm
Hello,
I understand everything you are going through. I have been separated for three years. I just went out the other night for the 1st time. I have alot of guys give me their numbers but I took my 1st step and went out. I was also in an a bad abusive marriage. He made me feel like nothing. And I do have a bad problem with trust. But I took a chance and he might not work out but I found out what I was missing. I and so do you derserve someone to make us feel special. And if he knows you and whats going on in your life, I SAY GO FOR IT AND HAVE FUN. We only live once. And I do know that feeling that you have. Is it wrong and should I bring someone in to my mess of a life. We all do need someone. So don't feel bad. Just give yourself so happiness. I do wish you well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 11:43pm

Let me give you some advice:

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2006
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 12:17am
Thank you all for your input...........I don't know if I am going to go out with this guy or not, but it is so good to "talk" to others who have somewhat similar situations. If I do go out, you guys will proably be the first to know! Friends and family are great but can't always relate..............
Happy new Year to all of you!!!!!!!!!!!Best of luck meeting the right-guy-for-you this year!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2006
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 3:43pm
Just curious, how long have been single? Coming out of an emotionally/verbally relationship can be so overwhelming........your posts just sound so happy and confident!