Anyone had luck with online dating?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2005
Anyone had luck with online dating?
6
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 10:53pm

Hi,

It's been a while since I have been to the message boards. I am writing to see if anyone here has had any experiences - good or negative - with Online dating?

I signed up for eHarmony today as that seems to be the most in depth search/compatability type service. I have a profile (no photo though) on both Match.com and Yahoo personals.

I am divorced and have one 16-year old daughter. She is actually the one that said "Mom, you need to start dating again." It's been two years since I have dated and by choice. Now I am looking for a long term relationship that will eventually lead to marriage.

Also, if not online or at church, where else do you meet eligible, great guys? I would really love to hear from anyone as to their experience or suggestions by going the route of Online dating. Any feedback will be most appreciated.

Regards,
M-

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 7:38am

Hello dancegirl2

Many of the women on this board are dating or in relationships with men they met on line. I'm sure they will chime in and tell you their experiences.

Good luck - I haven't got much experience in this area, but I know it can work for some people.

Clem xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 8:02am

Hi dancegirl2,

Welcome to our board.

Online dating - otherwise known as OLD - has mixed feelings around here. I did it a few years ago with a fervor - dated a LOT of men and then got really sick of it and put off by it. So I shut it off and resolved to make my life busy doing a lot of the things I like.

I didn't really meet someone. But I was a changed person from before - very busy and much more used to spending a lot of time alone. And as anyone here will atest, VERY VERY PICKY! I am very fit and wanted someone active and fit - but also responsible and with a good life situation because I offer the same. Not easy to find in my age group since I am 45. So many men had things I didn't like - motorcycles, smoking, bad exw situations, travel all the time for jobs, looking for much younger woman or sex only, not fit, huge amounts of tatoos, atheists, etc. I always felt like there was no one for me when I looked online.

I put up a new profile with great pix and got some emails. Went on one disappointing date - the man was nice and attractive but he was newly divorced with a 2 year old and an older son from another relationship and doesnt get along with he exs and has job troubles -yuk! Then I got an email from a hot fireman and we are dating now. This is much to my surprise and I think everyone's here. It is after 4 years of being alone.

So maybe there is a lesson to that - you need to be happy and fulfilled, very patient and able to weed out the bad ones, and lucky with the timing.

But I also think you should be doing enough out of the house to meet someone. Having fun activities that you enjoy is always a good place to start. I enjoy running, swimming, biking. I always try to talk to everyone when out.

Hope this helps. Cant wait to hear what the others have to say, too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 8:35am

Hi and welcome! Lots of us have done online dating, and many of us have been successful with it. It depends on your expectations, the type of relationship you're looking for, and how patient you can be.

The first few months for ME, I knew I wanted only a casual dating experience. I met and casually dated many men, all of whom were perfectly nice, but not right for me for some reason or another. I did have a lot of fun, which is what I was looking for.

Then I decided I wanted to be in a relationship, and changed my profile slightly, and my actions slightly, to reflect that. I met several more men, who were nice enough, but lived too far away, had too much going on, weren't into me, I wasn't into... whatever the reaosns, nothing panned out.

Then I met my current bf, and from the beginning, everything's been wonderful. I'm sure going through all of the other dates and flings and meetings set me up to be able to recognize and appreciate all the things about funnyguy that makes him right for me.

All told, it was about 2 years before I found him, but some of that time was me not dating at all, and then only casually. You have to learn to weed people out, not take things personally, and rely on your instincts.

As for other places, people meet everywhere. The neighborhood, kids' events, sporting events, while shopping- there are plenty of people to meet, you just have to be open to it.

Moody, who loved the convenience of OLD


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 12:26pm

First of all get 2 good photos up on your profiles, one a head shot the other a full body length picture. It will increase your chances of responses big time. If you don't put up a picture then who ever responds may make up an image of you in his mind that may not match with what he thought you looked liked; or you may meet someone you like exchange pictures and then poof-he's gone. I know it happened to me. That's why now I won't ever consider making a profile without honest true-to-life pics, and to state on my profile that I'm a few extra pounds. OLD can be very discriminatory when it comes to age and weight for women.

Don't let a guy email you more than 3 or 4 times(I never get past the 2 mark myself).
He should be moving towards setting up a meeting in person, some guys will email you forever if you let them (they just want to be pen pals). My rule is after 3 emails, I let him know that it's been nice chatting, but I prefer to talk over phone and give him my number. If he calls you know that he's interested in moving it further along and if not, you know that he wasn't sincerely interested. BTW, I never get called.

Keep your expectations low, don't build up a false sense of intimacy. That's why I limit the emails and try to meet ASAP(never happens for me, but that's my goal). Your first meet should be in a public place for coffee;etc. Limit to 1/2 or 1 hour, that way if it's a miss you haven't wasted too much time. Let a friend know where you will be and never accept a ride in their car or go to his place, you don't know this person. If you really like each other there will be mores dates and chances to get to know each other.

Don't ever take anything personally, men will ghost on you a lot on OLD. I'm the queen of men ghosting on me, but I don't take it personally. You need really thick skin to do OLD, if you don't think you can handle all the rejection, it may not be right for you.

There are success stories on our board, as for me, I don't have any positive experiences to report, in fact I have dozens of horror stories , so why do I do it because it's the only way I can meet men. I have no social life, and I work 2 jobs, so it's hard. The only thing I can strongly adivise is to use these guidelines, it will make your OLD experience easier. I have been doing OLD for 3 years(just 2 dates to show for it), I have spent tons of money and have been a member of virtually every site there is. I now only register for free sites, there's no difference and I get the same nothing results. Don't let the other sites fool you into thinking because they charge more, they have better quality men-bs, it's the same guys trust me on that one.

Good luck and be careful.

The T Girl
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 2:25pm

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ITA with Taina's post... you HAVE TO have thick skin for OLD. I've been doing Match.com & e-harmony for about 7-8 months now and I'm meeting a lot of people. It helps that I live in Vegas and have a fairly large pool of OLD'ers to choose from. Lately I feel like I've seen every guy's profile at least twice & some

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 2:26pm
WHEW! OLD, now that is something most of the old timers on this board can attest that I have not had much luck. However, as like most of the ladies on here, I think I went about it all wrong. I've had disasters and if you read one of my posts on the board, you will see that the last blind date was a catastrophe. I had tried OLD some months ago and met one really gorgeous guy that has what every mother wishes for, for her daughter. However, it just wasn't right for me and I ended it. I had taken my profile off during that time and then remembered I actually still had a membership until end of April that I had paid for. So I got back OLD and was contacted by one person who wanted to date me but I had said no because I was already seeing the other guy. Their were 3 others that I remained in contact every so often since back in January. No new one's and I didn't show my profile, because I just wanted a break, but decided to give the patient one's a chance. So I started dating M and if you read my posts you'll know more about him, but then I also went on a "blind" date from another I had been in contact with and BELIEVE ME when I say catastrophe. After that, I've decided with talking to M that I don't want to date anymore. However, M and I have been having a great time together. I think it's because I've taken a lot of reflection time to think what "I've" been doing wrong verses what they were doing wrong. I dug deep within myself to realize what I want and what I don't want and that I've been choosing men that don't necessarily fit to me, but fit to what my parents would love to have for me. You have to really just take it at first with a grain of salt. Get a feel for it. If anything, it sure made me feel confident. Guys will pour the compliments on you and you just feel soooo good. LOL. However, you read the profiles, delete most of them, maybe talk to some of them, delete again and in the end you might find one or two potential dates that you want to try. That again goes to meeting, deleting and starting all over again. OR it might turn into something really cool. Just be careful, because alot of men want only one thing and aren't always looking for the relationship they claim. Reading this board will give you a lot of insight of red flags, do's and don't, and PLENTY of laughter. It has taught me a huge amount that sometimes what I haven't seen, others saw right away. It's a learning process and it can be a lot of fun. Keep us posted of where you decide to try your match.