Are children a problem in relationships?

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Are children a problem in relationships?
6
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 5:32pm

Hi, everyone.

I'm new here but I've been posting on the EAS board for a few weeks. I have been separated for a year, and I recently ended an affair with a guy who, although he did leave his wife, in the end told me that although he loved me, he couldn't be with me because he can't get over the fact I have a daughter. It was devastatting.

So I'm wondering... is this common? Have many of you experienced something like this? Since I'm now really single again, I would eventually want to start dating, but this experience has made me pretty wary.

Yoga

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Sun, 09-09-2012 - 4:18am

When I was single and never married, I would not date women with children. So, yes, being a parent is a dealbreaker for some men. I felt intimidated because single moms appeared to be way ahead of me in life and I was also afraid of being a stepparent. However, unlike with your affair partner, I would never deceive a woman to get her in bed.

Anyway, if I outlive my wife, I would give women who have been mothers (and likely grandmothers)  a chance. Finally having been married, I feel less behind in life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 08-16-2012 - 11:50am

It's like everything else--some men don't mind children, some men (those who have children themselves) would probably prefer a woman w/ children & some men would be driven away--you need to find out closer to the beginning what they are looking for.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 08-16-2012 - 1:10am

Yes they are a problem.  And the worst is the parent.  How you have trained the child is important.  They (children) need to know their place in the scheme of things. 

   Children who play power trips or are ill mannered,take away from the relationships.  Most parents have lived with the child's antics so long that they are oblivious to them but a new man will see that right away.

   Your former lover maybe correct in his assessment of what he can handle.  Methinks that it is more than you have a child.  But in the world of singles there is a wide assortment of men who will range in what they are looking for.  This is something you cannot run from. 

  Date as many men as you want.  Date more than one at a time so you continue to get out and enjoy living.  That way you have men to date,hang out, or just talk to.

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 8:55pm

That guy is a JERK! I'm sure he KNEW that you had a daughter in the beginning..right?Why wait until later to tell you this?!! There are plenty of guys out there that are not afraid to date a woman with a child or 2 or even 5 in some cases.Remember..there are single men out there too who have kids so for the most part....alot of them would prefer to date someone who already has a kid thinking that you both would understand where each are coming from in that aspect.

I myself don't have any kids BUT when I had been dating my ex of 2 yrs...I KNEW going into the relationship that he had a little boy.I was scred out of my mind because it would be a new thing for me BUT when you are dating someone with children..they are the whole package,,,,don't be afraid.You'll find a much better guy.