Are you dating for the wrong reasons?
Find a Conversation
| Sat, 11-05-2005 - 8:54pm |
I have been developing this article for some time - based on my own experiences and those from various dating boards here at ivillage - and wanted to share before I go away for next week.
Perhaps you have thoughts and wish to add or discuss or even disagree with my points. Or perhaps you can use this list to help you better your life so you find the right person you deserve.
Are you dating for the wrong reasons?
If you are lonely, bored, broke or mad at your ex, you may put yourself on a path to meet the wrong person. You won't be at your very best so you won't be able to go slow and make a good decision. You will settle out of desperation. He may have major red flags that will cause problems down the road. Use this list to see if you have to work on any of these areas.
- you are really bored - if this is the case, work on developing interests, socializing and building life goals. If you are really bored, a date is not going to fill in the gap. Emotional neediness often results in settling for the wrong person. It puts blinders on you and causes you to overlook big red flags. It makes you rush a relationship too fast - and this can result in you being dumped or making a bad choice instead of taking your time to slowly fit time for dating into an already good life.
- you are really lonely - try to make more time for yourself; get involved more in your community; get your life so good that you are NOT lonely
- you want to make your ex jealous - you need to settle issues with your ex and your feelings about him before you can move on to someone else
- you really miss sex - this is hard for singles, but you really have to put the idea of sex aside and work on finding someone who wants the same thing as you and hopefully this is a committed long term monogamous relationship. Start reading some good relationship books so you can understand the importance of WAITING when it comes to sex.
- you are broke and overwhelmed with bills - develop a budget; think about your career and how you can be financially independent - how can you bring in more money doing what you like?
- you need a dad for your kids - your kids need you to be happy and find someone stable more than they need someone to play dad; perhaps you can do more to get positive male role models in their life while you are on the path to bettering yourself and finding a suitable mate. Remember - your kids don't date - you do!
- all your friends are married - SO WHAT! Seriously - this is not a reason to run out and find a date. Laci Peterson was not better off married. Use this time as a single person wisely and get things done that your married friends don't have time for.
- you don't have any friends - this is something you have to work on - you won't find them while you are home watching TV and doing laundry - put on a smile and greet everyone you meet. Strike up a conversation in the dentist's office, the grocery store and the gas station.
- you need help with the yard, car or house - hire a handiman or start taking lessons at home depot; find inexpensive ways to fix things and keep them maintained so you have fewer problems. How many husbands really do their "honey-do" list anyway? ;-)
- it would be great to have a room mate or someone to live with - if you really need help with the bills, consider a college student or someone you can trust
- now that you are divorced you feel you need someone for financial stability for your future - you really have to get financial stability on your own if you want to find it
I hope this helps! Have a great week - I will check in when I can and Alison will take great care of you.

Pages
Pages