ARGH! No time for dumping!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
ARGH! No time for dumping!
4
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 10:52am
I'm getting really frustrated. Remember the guy that I was ready to dump or at least put on an indefinite hold? Well, we can't get together for me to do it! We haven't seen each other in three weeks, email & phone communication has been sporadic at best, and I am getting to the end of my rope. This week he sent me an email saying he's been overwhelmed with life lately, school, finalizing divorce, issues with his daughter etc. Duh! That's the whole point. But I didn't want to say it in email, I wanted to do it in person. The issue is being somewhat complicated by the fact that he's left his watch at my house last time he was here, so I can't really end it over the phone either, I have to see him anyway. I know it won't happen this weekend because I have the kids. Who knew dumping someone would be this complicated?

Just needed to vent, sorry. But if anyone has suggestions on speeding up the inevitable, I'd love to hear them.

Galina

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 11:04am
I had to break up with my guy via email. He gave me no choice. He was avoiding me for the last few weeks that were together. We hadn't had sex in over 4 weeks. For the first 5-6 months that were were dating, I could count on him seeing me every free weekend I had and sometimes we would sneak in a date when I had my son (my mom would babysit). He called me 5 times a week, at least every other day. Things fizzled there towards the end. He flaked out with his phone calls. We were supposed to get together for an upcoming weekend, but he didn't call me when he said he would for 3 times in a row (called the next day each time).

I had it. I sent him an email about his phone call etiquette. He emailed me back a long list of the things that were making him unhappy about the relationship, but he wanted to talk to me via phone the next day. I fired back a break-up email. He wanted to stay friends. I can't do that. It makes me sick. I technically broke up with my ex, but he constructively ended the relationship. I think that's what is happening with your guy.

You don't owe him a face-to-face break-up. I'd suggest sending the email and getting it over with. He's avoiding you. Don't worry about his watch. Let him ask you for it. Mail it if he asks for it.

The break-up really, really sucks. Mine happened during the first week of this month. I recently started a 21-day program to get over him. The program involves no contact with him. When he sent me emails after the break-up, it hurt me and made me sick. Also, I'm writing down a few positive statements each day (about 20-30 minutes a day) to turn around my negative thinking. I've been doing this for a few days now and it helps.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 2:49pm
Galina:

When I broke up with my last BF, it wasn't in person. We live almost 2 hours away from each other, so it was like a major project to schedule a date. So what I did was he had left some stuff at my house. I put it all in a box, typed him a note (I was nice, not nasty at all) and I mailed it to him. He called me after he got the box. I had no idea when I was going to see him next (that's what the whole problem was) and he was avoiding phone calls. I couldn't take it anymore, so I did what I did. I didn't want him to think that he could treat me bad and string me along and I was going to be ok with it. I needed to make a statement. In fact, I sent him one of my favorite CD's. There was one song on there that talked about holding onto a sinking ship, and that's what I felt like I was doing. I told him to listen to it and read the words. And when he called me, I asked him if he listened to the CD. He said he listened to some of it, but it was right on target and too much for him and he stopped. Exactly. That was the whole point. I don't think there's anything wrong with breaking up through a letter or an e-mail or even a phone call. Do whatever works for you. It might be easier for you to mail his watch back to him, put a little note in there, and see what happens next. This way, you have your closure, and you can get on with your life. It worked for me. I felt real relieved when I put that tape on the box. Good luck.

Donna

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 3:25pm
I think my situation is a little different in that he is not actively avoiding me ( I don't think, anyway), but that there is too much going on in his life at the moment for him to be able to pay attention to me. And I don't find it difficult to break up with him, since I haven't really had time to develop any serious feelings for him - we've known each other for two months, haven't seen each other the last three weeks, and by our last meeting I was already getting dissatisfied with the quality of the relationship.

I have already written the email. I've decided to give him till the end of the day today to contact me in any fashion, and then it's the "Send" button for him, followed by "Delete" : )

Galina

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 10:04pm
Well, you're finding out early then. Good for you. My guy wasn't actively avoiding me, but that's what it boiled down to. He was super busy with work and emotionally whacked (as he put it). He was too tired and/or stressed to call. That means, he just wasn't that into the relationship. No matter how stressed or what kind of crud is going on in your life, you find the time to call your sweetie. You look forward to it. If a guy is too busy or stressed, he's not that interested and it's time to move on.