Article - Dating Ups and Downs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Article - Dating Ups and Downs
3
Thu, 08-30-2007 - 8:11pm

Hi All,

I found this really great article on Yahoo Dating http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/24994/7-dating-ups-and-downs (there were lots of great articles on dating)...

I love it because we all experience these kinds of things. And I feel, for the most part, that I utilize these tips myself.... especially number 7... date in abundance... i just shouldn't try to date them all on the same night..ie calling them all to meet me at the same place.. oh boy...lol.... But otherwise, i'm feeling good about things.. hope you enjoy reading....

Dating is a process a lot of us really can live without. It's an emotional rollercoaster that can drive you to drink four year-old bottles of Mike's Hard Lemonade from the back of your refrigerator.
Here's my list of the top ups and downs of dating -- and how to feel better about them:

1. Stop the mental post-date recap abuse. You went out with somebody with whom you thought you had a connection, and it turns out you didn't. So now you're going to mentally torture yourself for the next four days trying to figure out what you said wrong. You'll even torture all your friends asking them what you could have done differently.post-date recap is a form of mental tortureThe post-date recap is a form of mental torture. You will never know what that other person is thinking unless they call you. If they don't call, it really does mean that he or she is just not that into you (which is about the only good advice from that ridiculously stupid book).

2. We made out in the parking lot and they never called again. Making out is fun! You needed it. They needed it. Don't beat yourself up that you did it, just realize you did it. Be okay with it. It was a great date. You were in the moment, and you experienced something that you wanted to do.

3. I texted them the next morning and said, "I had a great time last night," and they never texted back. So what? You had a great time last night. So did they. They just woke up, and their post-date recap was different from yours. They probably had a good time, but when they thought about it, the chemistry and the "it" factor wasn't there. It's not about you. At least you were honest. So you did all you can do.

4. Should I have said something different in my voicemail message? You left a voicemail message and now you're replaying it in your head a thousand times. "Should I have said 'Last night was fun' with more enthusiasm? Is that why she's not calling me back?"When it comes to voicemail messages, the shWhen it comes to voicemail messages, the shorter the better. From an old sales technique, I always prefer to say, "Last night was fun. I have something really funny to share with you the next time we speak." That's it -- it creates a little bit of intrigue, a little bit of mystery and no mental torture.

5. Who cares what they think? You left the above voicemail message without knowing if you'll ever see them again, and they don't call you back. You start to think, "Now they know that I like them, and they don't like me." So what? Is it better to just sit there and hope and pray they call? I always believe in being honest. You've got to do what feels right for you.

6. Stop giving your power away to one person. If a two-hour date can cause you to give away all your power and confidence, then you need to learn to embrace yourself and love yourself more. This is just one person you went out with for two hours. They don't know what an amazing person you are. The only thing they know is the person they sat across from at the table. Whether they choose to hang with you again isn't the issue. The issue is that one person does not determine your worthiness. You've got to toughen your skin.

Rejection is what dating is all about; you can't take it personally. If I go out with someone and I have a great time but they never want to see me again, I'm still a great person the next day.

7. In order to feel better about dating, you need to think abundance. Just because you think you like somebody and they don't call you back, this is not the last person in the world you're going to meet. In order to be a successful dater, you need to practice abundance. The power of abundance is training your mind to realize that if it doesn't work out with one person (or 10 people), there are plenty of other people out there who do want to hang out with a fantastic person like you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 6:21am
Good stuff Loony - thanks for finding and posting for us.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2007
Mon, 09-10-2007 - 4:58pm

As I mentioned in my very first post, I'm brand new to this dating world.

Thank you for putting this out there. I can't tell you how much it has helped me today! Seriously, that whole 'post-date recap' thing - SOOOOO true! Not only did this help me put things in perspective, it is just nice to know that I'm not the only one who feels crazy after putting myself out there in a vulnerable situation, which is NOT like me.

I especially liked this line...

WW

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Mon, 09-10-2007 - 5:47pm

I"m glad this was helpful for you!!! I've been back at dating for the past year (after being seperated for 2 years and no dates....) I can relate.... But I was thinking... I've since been on 14 dates this past year... which ultimately means 14 rejections (or rejects) since it didn't work out... BUT my victory is that i haven't gotten hung up on one guy....who probably wasnt' good for me or worth getting hung up on...

That's why i like the article i posted.. it's the frame of mind that i hope to keep while dating... have fun...be honest... experience life... and stop worrying about what the other person is thinking... OH, and how much fun I've been having this past year... Woo hooo... Dating was scary at first but now i don't feel the pressure...

Welcome to the board.. i'm sure we all look forward to your dating stories.

Loonybunny