Article - Successful Dating Secrets

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Article - Successful Dating Secrets
3
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 4:54pm

Check out this article... I look forward to hearing your comments. ...
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Secrets of Successful Daters
7 ways to supercharge your social life
By Toni Coleman
Special to Yahoo! Personals
Updated: May 8, 2007

All of you must be acquainted with at least one woman who is a guy magnet. She's the one who always seems to have a boyfriend (or two) and usually attracts the most interest when your group of female friends is out together. OK, she's attractive and fun, but the same can be said about all of you.
So, what does she have that the rest of you don't? Hint: Think effective body language, positive nonverbal and verbal communication, healthy self-esteem, and an ability and willingness to assertively use these to make the right connection.

Secrets of the successful dater
As a dating coach who has worked with many clients of both sexes, I have been on the front lines with singles seeking many different kinds of dating experiences. I have encountered bad boys, nice guys, strong women, shy women, the marriage-minded, the commitment-phobes, those who have little or no dating experience, and those with active and satisfying dating histories.
What I have learned is that ultimate success comes to those who are honest and open about what they are looking for, who are willing to take initiative, and who actively participate in the "chase." That's right, ladies -- this means you, too.

You must be willing to break, or at least bend, the "rules" as you learn to challenge the myths that say men must always be the hunters and women the elusive prey.

Use the following tips to help you write your own set of rules:

1. Come up with two or three subtle moves that you can make towards a guy whose online profile catches your eye. Try using your imagination and thinking outside the box. Winking, sharing something about yourself that helps you to stand out, or sending a brief, intriguing email that comments on something he said are always the easiest to start with. Keep it simple, honest, and sincere.

2. If a guy sends an email flirt, don't wait to respond. Look over his profile and send an email ASAP. Many women report having waited too long and then learning too late that he has met someone of interest in the meantime.

3. Don't wait more than two weeks after your first contact for HIM to suggest that first meeting. If you have been regularly communicating back and forth, go for it. Make it easy for him by having a tentative plan in mind already, and make sure that it is one that requires you to share the effort jointly. If he hesitates or avoids giving a response, he is not the guy for you.

4. Put a genuine effort into that first meeting. Try to look your best and communicate real interest in him and what he has to say. Be open and honest in your conversation -- without over-sharing. Let him know if you had a good time and that you'd love to get together again.

5. Don't represent yourself as only looking for a good time or as not interested in a serious relationship if this is not so. If it comes up, state your relationship goals simply and honestly and move on to something else. Don't elaborate on your ticking clock, desire for a large family, or other imperatives for sealing the deal quickly.

6. If you really like the guy, communicate this through your eyes, posture, smile, and other facial expressions. Tell him that you enjoy talking with him, sharing time with him, and would like to know him better.

7. Think about your men friends, satisfying relationships -- and ask them how they feel about women making the first move. Don't be surprised if at least one of them shares that his significant other was the one who approached him first. Listen carefully when he tells you that women who know what they want and go after it are a turn-on. In other words, get a man's perspective, then go out there in cyberspace and be open to making the first move.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 7:59am

I think the important things mentioned are to email back right away and to make it known what you are looking for.

I am not so sure I would make the first move - although I did send fireman my "digits" so he could call me if he wanted to chat more - I think that is important because you can connect on the phone so much easier than email and I could tell his is not into email.

Thanks for sharing!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 11:28am

I think being too elusive or playing "hard to get" can be a real turn off for guys. They want to know you are interested as well. When I don't call someone back within a few hours of their call (unless it was a late call I was already asleep for the night) I'm really not interested. I think putting forth the effort is good. They do want you to call sometimes as well.

I decided I didn't want to see TJ anymore because he was too busy. He called me three times in a week and said we should get together soon and made it clear that I should call him sometime as well. I never did and he has quit calling. They want to know that you want to see them too and when you put forth no effort, you aren't are giving off the signal that you don't want to see them.

I do think there are men that will pursue regardless, but they often turn out to be the scary ones. I don't want to have to be blunt. Most people can take a hint.

I will make the first move but they have to put forth most of the effort. I don't think suggesting a get together is off the mark. Meeting for coffee or whatever isn't really a date. I think letting them make the next move is a must but once they know you are interested things change somewhat.

I agree with some of the things here although I wouldn't be a chaser. BTW My friends think I attract a lot of guys and think I put off some kind of strange vibe that gets them all. I am just friendly, and smile, not any more attractive than the average girl...

Priscilla

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 12:26pm

It seems like the Geeky guys (my personal preference, lol) are allergic to typing.