Asking a guy for HIS phone number

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Asking a guy for HIS phone number
8
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 12:44pm

So let's talk about this...

When I remember, this is something I WILL do.

Why? Because sometimes a guy can be just as unsure as the woman. And after he gets my number, he could loose the nerve to call. And it wasn't that he wasn't interested but that he lost his nerve. Boy, it takes guts to call someone new. I know that after I've gotten a guys number, I've lost my nerve to call... and gave up. Even when I was REALLY interested. So if I get his number, maybe he'll ask me for mine. Or the next time I'm going out and have a free night, I might call him and see if he wants to meet up again. It doesn't have to be a big production or turn into a phone interview. I bet guys really HATE that anyway.

But, sure, if I've asked him for his number than maybe I'm not sure if he's really interested. So, to avoid chasing the guy, if he doesn't return my call or do his fair share of returning my calls... then I let that trail die.

For me, after I've gotten his number than I have peace of mind. I'm not wondering if I'll ever see him again or wondering "what if". And this is in line with my new attitude about dating. Life CAN be great when I'm single. Here's to enjoying the moment.

Now tell me your story. Ever ask a guy for his number?

Take care,
Loonybunny

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 1:56pm

No - I would not. BUT I would try to get him to help me with something or give him a reason to want to call.

I think it is because I want a guy who is really into me and who really wants to be with me. It is my own experience that when they like you, they really make it known. And when they don't there is a reason.

Part of this might have to do with obervations about the way me and my exh started out - I did everything and then the whole relationship became all about me doing everything and him not appreciating it. PLUS the good relationships, that are my role models today, have always started and revolved around the guy adoring the woman and really wanting to be with her.

Just my .02. I know others have their own opinions and will love to hear them here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 3:51pm

I haven't. I would, though, as I'm not opposed to it. I'm just chicken. Maybe I should make a resolution that by the end of the year, I'll have asked a guy for his number (and used it!).

Moody- who's a scaredy-cat


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 4:03pm

Aha - I did just think of a way I would call a guy - if there was a reason other than to ask him out that I could give for wanting it.

"Oh - that ride you were just telling me about sounds spectacular - do you mind if I call you next week to find out about joining up with it?"

To me, it is better to encourage more interaction and show interest and then allow him to make the move of pushing it further.

But that is just little old fashioned me!!

- who is thinking the coffee call is going to come soon - my sister has been gathering details - teehee!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 5:01pm

I became a firm believer in "do not call a man".

I've posted about SO so many times on this board, but I absolutely refused to make any dates with him in the beginning. I mean, I refused to do any of the planning. I did say 'yes' when he invited me, but he had to do all of the leg work.

After our first date, I did not send a cute little email. Nothing from me. He called me ASAP to ask me out on a second date. He wasn't even sure if I liked him or not, but he was compelled to chase. He had to ask me out again.

We've been dating for almost 2 years and he's the best man I've ever known.

If I look back on ancient dating history, the men that I tried to give breaks to or helped to ask me out etc...were all a waste of time. A mans not happy if he doesn't have to chase a bit.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 5:52pm

I absolutely agree with the *a man's gotta feel the chase* part, men only chase a challenge and are intrigued if there's a little mystery. But I don't agree with the not calling a guy first part. Think about how society has made us all believe that a man's gotta do all the first date work: make the call, ask us out, pay the check, drive us home, open the door, etc, etc, etc. No wonder we ever get asked out at all! Women want to be treated equally everywhere but in dating, huh!

Well, I feel totally liberated and more comfortable getting his number than giving out mine! I almost never give out mine first, when they ask for it, I say no, but I'll take yours. I just don't like the what ifs. If the first contact is cool, I call. (Or for the online daters out there, I'll get his number after a few days of email exchanges...) But if we're digging each other on the phone I always wait for him ask me out. For me it's kind of like taking turns. I make the call, he asks me out. Guys really appreciate a girl who's not into "what have you done for me lately!"

Just my opinion! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 6:06pm

>>>>Guys really appreciate a girl who's not into "what have you done for me lately!"

I agree on that point, but wanting the man to do the initial asking out is not expecting too much. I say, until it's an exclusive relationship, then the guy needs to be in chase mode if the relationship is going to go anywhere.

Now, 2 years into dating my SO, we're very comfortable with each other. No one's calling anyone to set up dates because we already know when we're going to see each other (as often as possible). We split the cost of things, but it's not pre-determined who's going to pay what. It just turns out that I pay sometimes and he pays sometimes. I do expect him to some home improvement jobs for me, but he had to convince me that he needed me to need him that way. He gets his feelings hurt if I ask my dad or brother to hang a curtain rod, etc... He likes to be needed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 3:49am
Nope.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 1:24pm

Love all the opinions! But I like this one the best. I agree with equality even in dating and even in who's calling who... For me, I feel confident enough NOT to play games. In no way will I chase a guy (not anymore)... I leave that up to him. But I will be encouraging or let him know I'm into him. If I call... yeah, I'll let him do the asking, which they usually do. And certainly I'm interested in a guy who can make decisions or show leadership qualities.

The lesson that I learned was that if I "play" too coy then I was setting myself up to only meet obnoxious jerks. For example, only a guy overly confident (or a control freak) would pursue a girl who gave him no indication that she was interested (it's a game to him). A "nice" guy who has manners won't intruded on an unapproachable woman. And that was my problem, being so hard to get that I looked unapproachable. Now a better balance for me is being bolder and taking a few risks on my part, including asking for his number.

But yes, I agree, if a guy is too passive (and I have to do all the planning etc), then that can get frustrating. If that is the case, then I move on.