Averey began her counseling today, just

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Averey began her counseling today, just
11
Fri, 10-05-2007 - 11:19pm

in time.


Ugh, he is SO socially inept.


I have continued to keep her from her Dad, based on the atty & psycs reccomendations. HE still refuses to see the pysc. My GOAL is NOT to keep them apart, its only to keep her safe. So there was an open house at her school last nite & i invited him. She wanted to & i figured since it was a public place, he coudlnt do too much damage.


He was INFURIATING.

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Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 12:43am

Wow... I am touched and amazed to read about you and your daughter. Both of you come across so strong, intelligent, and solid in who each of you are and perceptions of your ex.

Lucky for each of you that you have each other.

Mark

Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it - Confucious
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Registered: 09-25-2004
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 4:47am

Hi Rebecca,


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 7:02am

Wow Rebecca - your exh is such a problem child. It is ALL about him with no regard to others and he is the type of person who thinks others make him happy - he reminds me of my XMIL with the birthday crap. He is never going to be able to make himself happy without seeing HE needs to do that and without a lot of work. I bet that is the reason why he drinks so much. I am mortified he would act like that in school in front of the people Avery has to deal with every day. If I was you I would totally ax him out of anything to do with you and her til he gets the help he needs. But I think you already see that.

It must kill you to watch him commit the same offenses towards her that he did and does with you. I know I really hate it when my exh hurts my son with his lack of time, coming late and ignoring him on family vacations - it is like instant carbon copy repeat of all the stuff he did to hurt me only it is now on my DS. What validation for your divorce!! Although I know you are much more worried about your DD than that.

I guess the good thing is that if you ever needed the evidence to get sole custody with no visitation for him, you just created about 3 or 4 really good witnesses for your case.

It is so so great that Avery can speak to the therapist. I think it is great you are taking her so young. And I bet the therapist will give you good advice on how to handle your exh. I think all of that would make me want to move like 500 miles away from him if I could!!

Well, this is all a good start - keep us posted. You are doing such a good job with earning all the money, juggling the hours so they are good for DD and giving her dad the best chance with her and trying to sort it out with counseling.

I would have thought that the issue with your XFIL would have mellowed him out a bit. OMG. What was he thinking when he snubbed such a precious little girl and her teacher?

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Registered: 02-08-2006
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 9:08am

I'm so glad it was a good time for Averey, and not something she'll dread (the therapist).


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Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 3:22pm
Thank you so much Mark. That means a lot.

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Rebecca, Mom to Averey, 2/8/00, Kibo, Sana & Zuri too!

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Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 3:29pm

Exactly. Stubborn, childish ... No, he was far from willing to divorce. Of course, its a VERY long complicated story - but basically he rarely worked, was abusive (mostly verbally & emotionally, but began to get dangerous physically) - so by Feb 2005, he was removed by the police with a restraining order & I filed for divorce. He lost everything he had - our home, which i bought him out for to the tune of 80K (50% then, 50% in 3 more years), our dogs (which i have ALWAYS offered him he could haev to visit ANYtime, as often as he wants, but he chooses instead to completely ignore they exisit, except to continually make comment to Averey how "i USED TO have dogs" or "it must be nice to HAVE dogs", etc), & as he says "I took his daughter away",

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Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 3:31pm

I should have never let her invite him to the school thing. HE needs to know that there are consequences to his behavior - embrassing her, making her a wreck, etc.

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Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 3:32pm
Oh Moody, thanks so much for that last statement. I pray she grows up happy & secure. Its all i wnat in life!

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Rebecca, Mom to Averey, 2/8/00, Kibo, Sana & Zuri too!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 5:05pm

Well, I guess that is one experiment you just won't make again. It seemed to make sense how you wrote it - that you are trying to keep her safe, not just from him for the sake of keeping her from him. And school could be something very good for him to be included. But he clearly showed that everything is all about him and that his skewed feelings are all about him and to the point where he no longer has control over them. I think his entitlement attitude is really his own imprisonment.

I would think that right now less is more. The less stimulus he has to respond to, the better. At least until he can decide to get himself some help. So next time you will have to over ride Avery on that!!

I mean, you would think he could be cordial to the teacher so he is putting the best foot forward for his child.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2007
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 9:49pm

Wow... that has to be difficult.

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