az_tbone & lizzarddance please read

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
az_tbone & lizzarddance please read
3
Mon, 04-11-2005 - 8:58am
I read all of your feedback and I thank you so much for your advice. I asked some of my male friends over the weekend and I told them what you guys said and it appears from all the advice I received I need to find some middle ground.
I contacted him first, however, I also chose someone else over him years ago. Since he did mention that, in details, in the email conversations, we seemed to be able to joke about it, so I am assuming he is over it, but that it is still fresh in his memory. He asked me first if I was married, and if I had any kids right of the bat. He might be afraid of being rejected again, so mabe he is waiting for me to casually ask to meet up for lunch or something. So I was thinking I might just do that. I think I could handle the rejection- with the support of this board :). Especially since I had my chance years ago and blew it. I feel like I have to do something, I just can't stop thinking about "what if".
Just want you to know that your opinions are really valued here. What do you guys think about my idea? Do you think I should wait awhile first?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2001
Mon, 04-11-2005 - 12:11pm
My opinion....go for it. Love doesn't just fall out of the sky. I messed up 25 years ago and put my life on a course for a train wreck....I'm not going to let that happen again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 2:29am

My best advice is to understand what it is that you want, and go with that. While it's obvious that you would like to investigate a relationship with him again, it isn't obvious as to HOW you want to go about that.

When I have decided that I was interested in someone, I didn't give any hints or suggestions. I have been very direct in saying that I was interested in her and how I wanted to go about getting to know her. That has been very scary to several of the women and they disappeared so fast that they left vapor trails. However, it is my way, and there were a couple who were attracted by that.

I don't think that is your way. You say you would like to find a "middle ground", and that's probably how you'll feel comfortable. Do what you feel comfortable with, and avoid the things that make you feel uncomfortable. That will keep you feeling at ease with him. I think that you could take another "half-step" or two towards him. The idea of you suggesting a lunch is a good idea. A "lunch" is not a "date" and doesn't remove him from being the typical male.

Also, if you haven't already, the next time he brings up that you chose someone else over him, you might try telling him that was 2 mistakes; 1 - that you chose the other guy, 2 - that you didn't choose him. And give him a "look" for about 3 seconds and then look away.

That will put the ball completely in his corner. If he doesn't start pursuing you after that, then he isn't going to pursue you.

Good luck.

Michael

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 11:25am

Michael, I love that suggestion about 2 mistakes.


Being able to admit you're wrong is so appealing and so reassuring in a possible relationship. In the movie Spanglish, I remember the male lead being so surprised and delighted when a woman said "you're right...I'm wrong" to him. It was beautiful.